Glee Gets it Right Again

November 24th, 2009

I’m a little late on the last episode of Glee—thank goodness for DVRs. But as usual, this week’s episode was full of some worthy messages more than good enough for grown-ups.

Mr. Shu had a big lesson this week... (Image: Fox.com)

The part I liked most was how they took it to the next level of liking yourself. Here’s what I mean: We’ve all heard that we should like ourselves and that we want people to love us for our best parts. If you’re hilarious, you want a partner who appreciates your unique humor. If you’re great a playing music, you want a partner who loves what you create. If you’re a great storyteller, you want someone who enjoys listening. If you’re a fab cook, you want a partner who will savor your flavors with groans of appreciation.

But it’s another thing to take it to the next level of self-esteem, the kind that leads to a confidence your half-orange can’t help but be drawn straight toward like a vacation magnet to your home fridge. Take it from our new favorite TV teacher, Will Schuester a.k.a. Mr. Schue (played by Matthew Morrison) in this speech he gave Lea Michele’s “Rachel”:

“I know that there are some things about yourself you think you’d like to change. You should know there’s some boy out there who’s going to like you for everything you are—including those parts of you that even you don’t like. Those are going to be the things he likes the most.”

What a great point Mr. Schue’s got there! All of us have parts about our personalities we don’t entirely love, and habits we’d pull back on if we could. I, for example, think I’m a little too addicted to popcorn—four times a week is a lot. And though I worried that the guys I’d want to be with would be turned off by my pop-session for it, my husband thinks my love for it is one of the cutest things he’s ever seen. (God bless him.)

Oh, and I also loved the advice of Sarah Drew’s character of Suzy Pepper:

“You need to find some self-respect, Rachel. Get that mildy attractive groove back.”

Ha, right? That’s just to keep your humor about yourself in check. Keep focusing on meeting someone who will love the things about you that you love—and who’ll also love the things you don’t. That’s where the magic and the glee really comes in.

You might also like:
Oh, Sherri: Her Lessons in Love!
A Glee-ful Reminder

Big love,

Posted in Optimisms

Janet Jackson: Are You Doing YOU?

November 19th, 2009

I don’t know about you, but I was mesmerized by one particular aspect of the Janet Jackson ABC “In the Spotlight” interview with Robin Roberts last night:

Janet: single and seriously digging it

Janet’s big gold earrings and how little they actually moved as she spoke. When I talk, I bounce my head around so much, you wouldn’t be able to hear my voice above the clanging of all that metal. So good on ya, Janet.

But the second thing I liked was hearing how good single, 43-year-old Janet finally feels about herself in her 40s. It’s taken her time, apparently. She admitted in the interview that, for example, she didn’t like her own “bootie” until her boyfriend Jermaine Dupri started loving her—as she said:

“…making me feel very comfortable with me, with myself. Allowing me that. Allowing for me to see that within myself. And that I’m fine the way that I am. There’s nothing wrong with me.”

When she first said that, I wanted to shake her—and any of you who say the same things about yourself. I don’t want any of us to be “fine” with who we are, or to concede there’s “nothing wrong” with us! I want us all to feel superbly insanely fabulous about ourselves! I want us to have a list so long about what’s right with us, you have to turn the paper over and staple a new sheet on to keep up!

Luckily, I think Janet’s 40s are doing right by her. So right that she’s learning how to be herself—how “you do you.” This is how she said she’s soaking in the decade:

They’re great. Because you know what? You don’t care what people think. You do you. You do your thing. You have no time for mess, no time for drama.

And that I liked. That I loved. And I want every “single” person out there to stamp it on their mirror to remind themselves the very same thing: When you have those moments when you feel like you have to change to impress someone, that you have to up your game, or be funnier or wittier or smarter or sexier to catch someone’s eye…you’re fooling yourself! You don’t have to do any of those things. You just have to master doing you. Learn that in the best world, like Janet says, you do you.

You might also like:
Have a Whitney Houston Wake-Up

Big love,

Tags: Janet Jackson
Posted in Being yourself, It's on TV, Optimisms

Robin’s “Take a Break from Dating” Technique

November 18th, 2009

Yep, still laughing out loud every week at How I Met Your Mother.

Robin "takes a break" (Image: CBS.com)

And this week’s episode hit on something I talk about in my upcoming book Meeting Your Half-Orange (February 2010, Running Press). We’ll call it the “I’m taking a break from dating” technique.

After Robin (Cobie Smulders) and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) broke up last week, he took the opportunity to pull out his old playbook and pick up on as many women as possible. Robin, for her part, went the other route, saying she was taking a break from love to focus back on herself. This is how her conversation with the boys went, when she said she wanted to focus on…

Robin: “My career. That’s my number one focus right now. From now on, no more dating, it’s all about work. . . I’m taking a break from all that.

Ted: Mmm, mmm Marshall…it’s totally gonna happen.

Marshall: So gonna happen.

Robin: What’s gonna happen?

Ted: You’re gonna fall in love.

Marshall: So soon.

Robin: Ha ha, not likely. I’m focusing on my career. I’m done with dating.

Ted: No, okay, we’re playing The Pyramid? Okay… “Things People Say Right Before They Meet The Love of Their Life.”

Why do I love that conversation? Let me count the ways. Because the essence of my book about dating optimism is that you need to become the best, most absolutely authentic and happy you there is. In other words, take the focus off of dating and back onto yourself.

Why do so many people meet the loves of their lives the minute they announce, “I give up” or “I’m over it” or, like Robin, “I’m going to focus on my career”? Because the minute you take the focus off of the endless pursuit of love is the minute you actually settle into a comfortable, happy, content version of yourself: the you that isn’t scouring online dating sites every 2o minutes, the you that isn’t emailing every married friend you have and asking to be set up, the you that isn’t trying to hit three events a night with a panicked look on your face as you scan the room for single people you like.

Try it. Try Robin’s “I’m taking a break from dating” technique. Exhale all that pressure that’s been building up inside you as the clock ticks by and you fear you’ll never find someone. Then inhale yourself again—the most real, happy version of you there is. Focus on work for a while. Focus on your family. Spend quality time with your friends in locations where you can’t meet anyone. Do some things you’ve always meant to try with the intention of feeling good about yourself, nothing more.

Because it’s then—when you are the best, more natural version of yourself—that the person you’re meant to be with will be able to recognize you. The sooner you become the person you want to be in your ideal, happy relationship, the sooner your half-orange will show up!

You might also like:
How I Met Your…Quirks

Big love,

Tags: How I Met Your Mother
Posted in Being yourself, Optimisms

Babe Ruth: A Dating Strategy?

November 16th, 2009

Now, I’m no sports expert, but I heard a stat the other day that I loved so much, I have to pass it on.

Up or down, he does it swinging.

Never mind that I first heard about the stat from a contestant on Survivor named Russell who is so fun to watch, I’m counting the days until CBS on Thursday. And never mind that sports fans are all over the web arguing the finer points of Babe’s numbers and what they really mean. But the fact is this:

Babe Ruth was the greatest home run hitter of his time. But he also had a lot of strikeouts: He struck out nearly twice as much as he hit a home run.

To be specific, Babe hit 714 home runs and he had 1330 strikeouts. Of his up at bats, 24% resulted in strikeouts (compared to the league average of about 12%). It’s been pointed out that this is because it’s a strategy as a batter—that to make more big hits, you have to take more big swings. But that’s exactly the part I like best! It’s true in life, in love, in dating: If you want more big hits, you have to take more big swings.

You can take it literally if you want: That if you want to go on more dates, ask or accept more often. But it’s true in general, too. Put your spirit out there more, too. Put yourself out there in life. Step forward, out of the box. Show people who you are, proudly. Who cares if you miss or you blow it or some people don’t respond with total awe about who you really are? At least you’ll know that you’re putting your all into being you.

Bring the hope back into your life, each time you step up to your day. There’s only one way you’re going to get a home run out of it like Babe so often did, and that’s by swinging.

You might also like:
Embrace Your Embarrassments!

Big love,

Tags: Babe Ruth, home run, strikeout
Posted in In the big wild world, Optimisms

3 Sure Signs You WILL Find Someone!

November 12th, 2009

One of my favorite single phrases—one I’ve uttered lots myself—was “I’m never going to find anyone.”

Your true match is out there, too! (Image: AS)

Your perfect match is out there, too! (Image: AS)

And if you’ve said it, you know it comes with the same exhausted tone you say other things like that: “I’m never going to get all this work done.” “I’m never having another drink as long as I live” or “I’m never going to live this down.” Of course, you know what happens: You get the work done. You have another drink (sometimes a Bloody Mary right then, to wash the pain of those last ones away). And because people’s attention spans are shorter than you think, you always live it down.

Which is why I know in love, you will find your half-orange. Here are three sure signs that I speak the truth:

1. You’re freaking, uh, awesome. Is there anyone else who talks like you? (Yet probably still hates the way you sound in a tape recording as much as you do?) Is there anyone else who dances like you, eats like you, sings, writes, or smirks like you? Not even close. You’re one of a kind. We all are. And every one of a kind has a great match to balance us out. You just may not have met yours yet. But as awesome as you are…you will.

2. You care enough to worry you won’t meet someone…which is a good sign! You know what they say: The true sign you’re over something (or some-dumb-ass-one) is not passionately saying you’re over it or them, but feeling true indifference. And indifference isn’t going to get you love. What will? Deeply desiring it in your heart and expecting you deserve. Your passion for love is a sign that when it comes, you’ll make it great.

3. The right person takes time. Dreams don’t happen overnight—as much as it may seem like they do. Hello, did you know that Katy Perry, the pop rock star, was signed and dumped by three record labels before she finally hit it big with her, ahem, “overnight” hit song “I Kissed a Girl”? Great things come with a little time, a lot of thought, and the stars aligning. So let this time you’re single teach you a few things about yourself each and every day, and look at the delay as a great sign that you’re not going to end up with just anyone—you’re going to end up with an absolutely perfect someone for you.

You might also like:
You’re So Hot
You’re Mad-About-Able

Big love,