Posts Tagged ‘hold and cold guy’


Cougar Town Tip: Do You Need to Cut the Strings?

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

You’ve seen those marionette puppets, of course. The ones with twenty strings connected to their arms, head and feet so a puppeteer can make them tap dance across the floor to great applause? Well, I hate to be this blunt, but if you’re mentally stuck at all on a guy or girl who isn’t dying to be in a relationship with you, you’re as good as those puppets getting dragged across the floor doing goofy things.

And you don’t have to be watching I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant to know that the metaphor also holds for babies stuck to their umbilical cords. (But, may I just say it’s one of the best shows ever on TLC, so you really should be watching it! And that link is hilariously the schedule for this week’s airings.) But let’s just stick with strings…

Someone needed the strings cut (Image: Neal)

Someone needed the strings cut (Image: Neal)

I was watching Cougar Town last night when Courteney Cox’s character Jules realized she needed to cut the strings for the young guy she’s been dating—Josh—so he wouldn’t remain caught up on her. (Such a better problem to have, right?) This is how she said it:

“The last thing you wanna do is keep that door open. If you give a guy any strings to hold onto, you just know he’ll cling to them forever.”

Ah yes, the clinging. I have been there. Sure, you may say you’re over someone and really believe it. You may text them less, check their Facebook updates less, even think about them a few times less a day. But if you still have any romantic feelings for a person who isn’t returning them—if you’re putting any eggs in that basket at all—then you are no better than a puppet stuck to a master. Even if you cut nineteen of those twenty marionette strings, you still can’t get far enough away to get off their stage.

So if you feel like you might actually be strung up a bit, do yourself a favor: Cut the final strings! Stop calling the puppeteer. Stop texting. Stop emailing. Stop going to parties where you think he or she will be. Stop making the puppeteer an option in your life and open yourself up to the rest of the world—because that’s where you’re going to find someone who does love and care for you as much as you love and care for them! You don’t deserve to be strung to someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You deserve to be free and happy and living your full, awesome life! You deserve to be dancing without strings toward the partner who is right for you. Free yourself so you can be.

You might also like:
The Grey‘s Way: How Not to Get a Date

Big love and happy dancing,

Amy Signature 4

I’ve been seeing this guy on and off for about six months. We have a great connection, but he’s sometimes hot and cold with me. When I’m into him and calling, he backs off. And the minute I get mad and stop calling him back, he’s all over me. How do I get him to like me the same time I like him? —Diane

Friday, August 14th, 2009

Yep, I’ve dated lots of these guys myself: The permanently indecisive ones who like having us latched on, but don’t want to commit. It’s as if they have an invisible retractable doggie leash on us women, and the minute we get distracted and start sniffing for something better elsewhere, they lock and tug!

My question to you is this: Is this how you want to feel in a relationship? Waking up every morning unsure about whether the guy in your life is going to like you today or not? We all deserve relationships in which we feel strong, respected, adored, and loved. Is that what this relationship is giving you? Here’s my recommendation on this guy: Cut the leash! Turn off his “hot and cold” taps for good and walk away. Start thinking about what you really want: a guy who is consistently running warm for you. And, of course, some good hot stuff thrown in when you want it.

So I guess I have a question for you now: Why would you want to “get” a guy to like you? Don’t you just want him liking you for who you are without having to do anything at all? Dear daters, what do you think Diane should do?