Archive for January, 2010


8 Reasons to Go Out Tonight!

Friday, January 29th, 2010

Today, I want to direct you to another place to get your dose of optimism…

Picture 3…to the fabulously cute site BettyConfidential, which interviewed me for the story, “8 Reasons to Go Out Tonight.”

Here is the full story, citing Meeting Your Half-Orange, which *officially* launches next week, but is available now at, and in stores like Barnes & Noble and Borders, among others.

So…if you want to amp up your positivity, buy the book and read this inspiring story as to why getting out of the house tonight can be great for your dating life.

Picture 1
























Oh, you mean you want to know the reasons? Then check out the rest of the story!

Big love and happy night out,

Amy Signature 4

Are You Indentured to the Future?

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

I was cleaning out my office yesterday, which meant clearing out my bookshelves and all of that—cough, sneeze, gag—dust I didn’t seem to mind living with when I didn’t know it was there.

HughPratherAnd in trying to decide which books I’d have to part with to make room for some new ones, I started flipping through them, including one by a writer/poet named Hugh Prather, who wrote the bestselling  Notes to Myself and the one I just came across, I Touch the Earth, the Earth Touches Me from, get this, 1972. Inside, I found this note in the book, which I had put a square around with a pencil marked a star next to it. It was just as good all this time later:

“Not opening a can of tuna because last night’s roast will spoil if I don’t eat it; not changing the thermostat because later it might get too hot; not pulling over the coffee table to eat on because I will have to put it back—I am surprised at how much I indenture myself to the future.”

It reminded me how much I indentured myself to the future when I was single, so I wanted to ask: Are you doing the same? Not traveling to New Orleans for a cheap weekend fare because you’ve wanted to go there with a boyfriend or girlfriend? Not buying a cute new bed frame from IKEA because you want to wait to re-do your bedroom until you have a mate to do it with? Not signing up for those theater season seats, because who knows who you’ll meet and run off with between now and the fall?

And what about the small moments, when there’s so much that I don’t do, for example: Not lighting a candle because I don’t want to waste it. Not opening a bottle of champagne because I’m waiting for a special occasion. Not hanging my coat on the train’s coat hook because I’m just going to have to put my coat back on later? Well, I’m working on all that and trying to live in these moments more now. Because what about our life today, this minute? What are we all doing for ourselves to be happy now?

Let’s take Hugh’s point and do the opposite: Let’s not be a slave to our future. Don’t wait to celebrate your life until you have a romantic partner to celebrate with. What do you want to do with your travel money, your bedroom budget, your passions, your taste buds and your energy now? If you’re going to be hit by a bus next week, tomorrow—or in thirty minutes, even—what might you do this minute to make your life more worth living? The future will come eventually, and so will the love of your life, but why blow all the wonderful little moments you have now waiting for it? Break the chains that tie you to the future and do what makes you happy today. I assure you: Your love life will be the better for it.

You might also like:
Walk a Mile In Your True Shoes
Gorge Yourself on Good Things

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

Love Lesson: The Emergency Room Laugh

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

My friend Rajesh is a doctor. And while most of his days are spent dealing with serious illness and injury, every now and then he comes across something a little different. Like his story that involved a man in the emergency room, some plaster of Paris . . . and his penis.

What's up, doc? (Image: by Suat Eman:

What's up, doc? (Image: by Suat Eman:

The patient told Raj that some plaster of paris had accidentally, somehow, sort of hardened in his rectum and in his urethra and he could not get it out.

“Is this a big problem? the man asked.

“Oh….ummm, yeah,” said Raj, “this could be a problem.”

Then, trying to dissolve the awkwardness of the doctors’ discussion on how to get his art project out of his bodily crevices, the man said, “I bet you guys see this all the time.”

“Well, no,” said Raj. “We really don’t.”

Raj fixed the guy and sent him on his way, and in doing so, realized something: On those stressful days, when work was about life and death and panicked family members pacing in the waiting room, Raj learned to appreciate those so-bad-they’re-good moments. And the more he talked about them with his co-workers and heard theirs, the lighter and more bearable work became. Some emergencies made him laugh as much as cry. The same is true with dating. Dating optimists don’t just see their dating glasses as half-full—they see them as full of really bubbly, fun stuff, one little taste of which can change your mood entirely.

The next time you show up on a blind date and realize he’s eight inches shorter than advertised (because, let’s be honest, everyone is shorter than advertised), or she has a laugh like Chandler Bing’s Janice, don’t write off the date. They may become a really great friend, a work colleague, or, at the very least, an in-the-dating-trenches story you’ll tell a friend to cheer up their crappy day.

I still tell the tale of the first date I had who leaned over the diner table after burgers and whispered, “Hey, want to do something really fun? Let’s dine and dash!” Apparently, he didn’t have enough money to pay for the bill. He didn’t get another date either after I covered it for him. Thank goodness for dates like this! They’re the emergency room stories of love, the ones you’ll laugh about for years, and tell your half-orange when you explain how grateful you are to have found each other through it all.

You might also like:
The Edamame Lesson
The Grey’s Way: How Not to Get a Date

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

There’s No Bliss Without the Pain!

Friday, January 22nd, 2010

It’s probably more likely that you women will know about the film I’m about to mention, but I found a love lesson in it that’s worth passing on to all of you.

Filmmakers Abby Epstein and Ricki Lake

Filmmakers Abby Epstein and Ricki Lake

The movie? Ricki Lake’s The Business of Being Born. It’s an incredible documentary film about childbirth and how hospitals handle it in our culture these days. I watched it a few months ago, and came across it recently. And this time, I was moved by the words of one female expert, who said this about natural childbirth compared to a surgical C-section that I wanted to pass on.

“You get the highest oxytocin rush you’ll ever have in your life when you give birth naturally. You will go into an altered state of consciousness, and in a kind of a state of “Yes, there’s bliss” and “Yes, there’s pain” and it’s all tied up together and you cannot have the bliss without the pain.”

Now, I haven’t had a kid yet and would like to, and after seeing this film, the idea of natural childbirth sounds amazing—but, hey, we’ll see what happens when those labor pains start hitting and like every other woman, I want to shout “Get the druuuuuugs!”

But this isn’t a post about childbirth. This is a post about dating. Because there is no C-section for dating. There is no magical, surgical, pain-free version of finding love. Dating is a natural process we all have to struggle through to make it to the other side and find love. And yes, there’s bliss and yes, there’s pain, and it’s all tied up together. You cannot have one without the other. Without a little heartbreak or rejection by the wrong person, how would you ever be freed up for the right one?

banner240x400So just remember that if you feel a little pain coming. It’s like labor. It’ll come in spurts, and it’ll hurt, but it’s all a sign that at the end of that road is a blissful, incredible loving relationship that is so worth it—that sends such a rush of oxytocin through your body and soul—that you won’t remember a lick of the pain it took to get you there. The bliss makes it all worth it.

You might also like:
Embrace Your Embarrassments!
Time to Un-do an Un-Relationship?

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

High School Reunion: Can We Change?

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

Well, as planned yesterday, I spent the rainy evening curled up on the couch watching about a dozen different shows on TV—and the one I was most giddy about starting was High School Reunion on TVLand. Dang, that’s a good show. If you don’t watch it, it’s wildly complex: It’s about all these people who have…a high school reunion.

Joe and Rachelle

Joe and Rachelle (Image:

Anyway, this year it’s the 20 year reunion of Chaparral High in Vegas, and I think what draws me to the show most is that those reality cameras, over two weeks in Hawaii, dive into one of the deepest and most ultimate philosophical questions: Can people change?

This guy John, for instance, was apparently an ignorant jerk in high school, and still is today. Cyndi, the high school nerd, was never accepted back then by the sexy “Summer Girls,” and still feels like an outsider so far. And the Summer Girls? They were pretty then and pretty now (plus Botox and boob jobs), but as they showed this week, there may be some warmth and wisdom behind those tans. We’ll see.

But the three dating players this week were Jodi, Joe and Rachelle. Jodi was a cheerleader who dated the football hunk Joe Basso in high school—though Joe used to cheat on her consistently. And Rachelle, who was pretty but hidden behind an overbearing boyfriend in high school, just got out of a bad marriage and is gorgeous now.

Jodi and Joe shared a kiss on the first night of the reunion. But by day two he was making out with Rachelle in a natural rock hotel pool. Both women then reflected on what this meant for their lives, and both weighed in on the ultimate question of change.

Jodi, watching Joe off with another woman as usual, said: “In twenty years, nothing about Joe has changed.”

Rachelle, after kissing Joe, said, “It gives me so much hope that love is still in the cards for me.”

Here’s what this show is reminding me about change: We cannot change other people. Jodi can’t change Joe Basso and no one seems to be able to get through to pigheaded John. We try—oh, we try—but we cannot change other people. What we can change, however, is ourselves. We can change how we think. How we see things. The choices we make. The baggage we let go of. The hope we choose to hold onto. The people on High School Reunion are evidence that some things about us stay the same unless we make a determined effort to do or think differently. Change is possible if we choose it.

If you don’t like your pessimism, change how you see what happens to you! If you don’t like your weight, change what you eat! If you don’t like the people you continue to date and be hurt by, change who you date! I know it’s easier written than done, but it can be done. People change every day.

Jodi, as crushed as she was, forgave Joe for putting her through the ringer in high school, and chose to wish him well in life. “I want you to be happy,” she said. And afterward, she felt freer and lighter for it, the weight of twenty years of pain lifted. She chose to look forward instead of back. And Rachelle is doing the same thing. She’s leaving her bad relationships behind and hoping for the best. Whatever happens with Joe, at least she gets to feel giddy about a guy again.

Learn from this nutty TVLand show. The next time you want to date someone you wish would change, stop thinking about who they could be with the right push or fix or potential (Maybe he’ll get a better job! Maybe she’ll start being nicer! Maybe he’ll change his mind and want kids after all!). You cannot change other people unless they want to change themselves. Instead, change how you see your life. Change the choices you make about the people who deserve your time. Change what you’ll put up with and only accept the best for yourself. And, like, Rachelle, choose to see how clearly love is in the cards for you.

You might also like:
Janet Jackson: Are You Doing You?
Flipping It: A Story

Big love,

Amy Signature 4