Posts Tagged ‘frustrating’


The Apple Tree Dating Theory

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

I found this cute image on StumbleUpon, which I’ve finally stumbled upon as a fabulous way to procrastinate. And the story it tells is a great way to look at why, perhaps, you’re not yet being chosen by the people you like. Consider it the Apple Tree Dating Theory. And while it’s written about girls who like boys, I think this is true of anyone in dating—men or women—and whoever it is they seek to date—men or women. You’re quality, people.

Now, I don’t know who made it, but I got it from this StumbleUpon link if you want to check it out.

Like the image says, you’re amazing. And you will be picked by the right one who’d brave enough to make the climb.

You might also like:
The Complete Love Strategy

Big love,



Cougar Town Tip: Do You Need to Cut the Strings?

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

You’ve seen those marionette puppets, of course. The ones with twenty strings connected to their arms, head and feet so a puppeteer can make them tap dance across the floor to great applause? Well, I hate to be this blunt, but if you’re mentally stuck at all on a guy or girl who isn’t dying to be in a relationship with you, you’re as good as those puppets getting dragged across the floor doing goofy things.

And you don’t have to be watching I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant to know that the metaphor also holds for babies stuck to their umbilical cords. (But, may I just say it’s one of the best shows ever on TLC, so you really should be watching it! And that link is hilariously the schedule for this week’s airings.) But let’s just stick with strings…

Someone needed the strings cut (Image: Neal)

Someone needed the strings cut (Image: Neal)

I was watching Cougar Town last night when Courteney Cox’s character Jules realized she needed to cut the strings for the young guy she’s been dating—Josh—so he wouldn’t remain caught up on her. (Such a better problem to have, right?) This is how she said it:

“The last thing you wanna do is keep that door open. If you give a guy any strings to hold onto, you just know he’ll cling to them forever.”

Ah yes, the clinging. I have been there. Sure, you may say you’re over someone and really believe it. You may text them less, check their Facebook updates less, even think about them a few times less a day. But if you still have any romantic feelings for a person who isn’t returning them—if you’re putting any eggs in that basket at all—then you are no better than a puppet stuck to a master. Even if you cut nineteen of those twenty marionette strings, you still can’t get far enough away to get off their stage.

So if you feel like you might actually be strung up a bit, do yourself a favor: Cut the final strings! Stop calling the puppeteer. Stop texting. Stop emailing. Stop going to parties where you think he or she will be. Stop making the puppeteer an option in your life and open yourself up to the rest of the world—because that’s where you’re going to find someone who does love and care for you as much as you love and care for them! You don’t deserve to be strung to someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You deserve to be free and happy and living your full, awesome life! You deserve to be dancing without strings toward the partner who is right for you. Free yourself so you can be.

You might also like:
The Grey‘s Way: How Not to Get a Date

Big love and happy dancing,

Amy Signature 4

The Don’ts of Liz Lemon’s Dealbreakers

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

I really hope you’re watching 30 Rock. Because other than Jack Donaghy’s dry wit, Kenneth’s cartoonishly eager face, Jenna’s hopelessly hopeful career, and Tracy’s lunatic antics, my favorite part is watching Liz Lemon navigate the world of being single.

Don't take dealbreakers too far (Image:

Don't take dealbreakers too far (Image:

On last night’s episode, Liz (played by the show’s creator Tina Fey) published a book called Dealbreakers: A Girl’s Guide to Shutting it Down. I laughed out loud, of course, at the ones on her list, like, “If your man is over thirty and still wears a nametag to work, that’s a dealbreaker!” and “If your man has seven cell phones but won’t give you any of their numbers, that’s a dealbreaker!” You can see more items on the list at NBC’s Dealbreakers site—and most are so far out there (“If your man appears on “To Catch a Predator” on Dateline, that’s a dealbreaker!”) we can’t help but agree. But I gotta say, as much as I love Liz Lemon, I don’t love all her dealbreakers.

Why? Put simply, if you’re focused on what’s not going to work in a relationship, then the negatives are all you’re going to see! Look at the subtitle of the book: a guide to shutting it down. Hilarious, of course, I get that. But in real life, haven’t you shut enough down? Your dates, your attitude, your heart, your hope? Think about opening up, instead. Open up to the possibility that perhaps the most perfect man for you—kind-hearted, supportive, sexy, driven and funny—just happens to want to “ride you home on his handlebars.” And guys, maybe the perfect woman—warm, beautiful, quirky and smart—just happens to “collect action figures.” Please: Don’t count people out of your life before they’ve even stepped into it.

Now I do think it’s important to look at your life in the big picture and make note of the big dealbreakers. If you desperately want a family and the man you’re dating doesn’t want children, yeah, that is a dealbreaker. If you’re a deeply religious person and the date you’re with is adamantly opposed to what you believe in, yeah, another dealbreaker. But when it comes to someone’s personality traits—to the food they eat, the movies they watch, the shoes they wear—these don’t define a whole person. And maybe what you thought was a dealbreaker at first will turn out to be something you can embrace as the lovable quirk in the person who’s so perfectly meant for you.

Enjoy the show, laugh at the book, and—as Liz Lemon says—”if your man has appeared on Maury to take a paternity test,” he’s probably not the right guy for you. But after you laugh your way through the episode and her “book,” stop looking for ways to shut it down, and start looking for ways to open up. Love likes to surprise us, remember. Let it.

But I’m also curious to hear what you think about Liz’s dealbreakers: Have you been burned by not having them? Are there some you’d never give in on? Or have you scrapped your list altogether?

You might also like:
Love Doesn’t Need to be Quite So Tough…

Big love and let me know,

Amy Signature 4

Your Life’s NOT in Ruins!

Monday, October 19th, 2009

The other day, I caught the Nia Vardalos movie My Life in Ruins. Not only did it make me salivate for Greece (sigh), but I recognized what a lot of us go through in life and love in Nia’s character, Georgia, who was feeling frustrated by her life as a travel guide through the country. Picture 2Instead of being open to all that life had to offer, Georgia was trudging through the motions of her job, feeling hopeless about her love life, and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Sound familiar?

If it does, maybe you’d appreciate the same message Georgia got in the film from the character Irv (played by Richard Dreyfuss), who acted as the movie’s wise “oracle.” His finest moment came, I think, when Georgia was giving Irv reasons why she felt she wasn’t close to the love or life of her dreams. When she was finished, Irv had this to say:

“You’re looking for obstacles rather than looking for magic.”

What a genius line. And what a great thing to challenge yourself with, too, when the walls of difficulty seem too high to climb over. When you look to the future love you want to have, are you looking at the obstacles, or are you open to the magic?

Love is not rational, remember. It’s the one thing in life that whisks away even the most practical, organized, type-A. Love is all about magic. And if you want to invite it into your life, start getting good at believing in it! If you focus on the obstacles to having love (“I work too hard to date,” “No one I like likes me back,” “What’s the point, everyone’s a jerk anyway.”), then obstacles are all you will hit. Look, instead, further along the horizon. Look for the magic.

You might also like:
Oh, Sherri: Her Lessons in Love

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

Want to Be Where You’re Not? Learn from American Movie

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

Picture 3I finally saw American Movie for the first time. I know, I know, I’m ten years behind on the Chris Smith documentary about amateur Wisconsin filmmaker Mark Borchardt, who is determined to make his first feature-length horror film, Northwestern. Yet as passionate about it as he was, and as knowledgeable and well-spoken about the filmmaking process, Mark kept hitting a wall to success: his stars and extras kept backing out, his bills piling up, and his hopes kept getting dashed again and again.

At one point, his girlfriend Joan said this of his quest for fame and fortune:

He wants to be somewhere where he’s not. But then, don’t most people want to be somewhere where they’re not?

I found what she said so simple, yet so important. Sometimes,