2010 April — The Life Optimist

Archive for April, 2010

Are You a Cranky Cow?

Friday, April 30th, 2010

I’m behind in 30 Rock, but I caught up yesterday, and had to share part of a recent show.

Negative may be funny, but is it bringing you love?

Whether you haven’t seen it, or saw it and could use some reminding, this is practical useful stuff in dating, no matter who you are, how old you are, or what kind of half-orange you’re looking for.

The setting: Liz Lemon has been dragging herself to singles events (singles dodgeball, singles line dancing) for weeks and she’s over it. She finally brings Jack’s love interest Nancy Donovan (played by Julianne Moore) to a mixer. And after Liz points out all the reasons she doesn’t want to date anyone in the room (i.e. “pants tucked into jeans!”), Nancy says this:

“God, Liz, you’re so negative! Every time you say what you don’t want, you sound like a cranky cow! And you’re not that. You’re smart and you’re fun. So stop talking about what you don’t want and start figuring out what you do want. And then go get it.”

Of course hilary ensues when she does, but the point is there just the same. I was very single for a very long time, so I know what it’s like in the trenches. I know that sometimes it feels really good to point out all the reasons love isn’t going to happen with the guys or girls around who are too tall, too weird, too denim, too bald, too serious, too cheap—the list goes on, I know. Lord knows it gets a laugh sometimes. But the fact is, if you’re only pointing out what you don’t like and don’t want, you’re going to sound, well, like a cranky cow! Do you want cool people you’ve just met to hightail it in the other direction because they don’t want to be around someone so negative? No. Of course not.

So I think that when you talk about yourself and dating, be the positive person others want to be around. Talk about what you do want. And then go get it.

Right? Am I alone in this? Or do you think being hilariously negative about love can be a good thing?

Big love and curiously yours,

You might also like:
The Tightrope Fall of Negative Thinking
Daters, Here’s What You’re Doing Wrong…

Tags: cranky
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on Are You a Cranky Cow?

VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Have Love Courage!

Monday, April 26th, 2010

Your dose for today…

“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore.”

—Andre Gide

Get on the love boat and don't look back!

We all know it’s important to be courageous. But sometimes we forget this is needed in love, too. Maybe the courage is obvious: Maybe you need to escape the relationship that’s beating down your soul, or you have to let go of a hurt that’s holding you back. But courage in love can also be quietly necessary. Maybe your courage is needed in another way: Let go of the image you have in your head of the “perfect” relationship you always “pictured” as a kid. Maybe that white-picket-fence or planned-and-plotted relationship with a particular kind of person isn’t what’s meant for you.

Turn away from the shore and open yourself to a new future with a surprising partner and family, in a different kind of place that will make your heart burst in ways you never pictured were possible. If you don’t open your eyes to new possibilities, how will you ever recognize them? Have courage: Let go of the shore and head for the ocean to see the love that’s out there for you.

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

Posted in Optimisms, VITAMIN OPTIMISM | Comments Off on VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Have Love Courage!

Your Secret Dating Weapon: Rest

Friday, April 23rd, 2010

Hola Dating Optimists!

I almost want to apologize for not being live this week, but I had good reason: I was sick as a perro. (I finally learned some Spanish in Argentina—hooray!—and “dog” was one of them). As sometimes happens after a whirlwind experience, the minute I landed back on home ground after taking nine flights and hitting eight cities in two countries, my immune system went on vacation and I ended up with a coldy, coughy, fevery, flu that had me horizontal on the couch every second I wasn’t doing paying work.

My kitty Minnie, who passed away last year, was a resting expert.

And as bad as I felt mentally for not saying hello to you all, I also knew that since I was so physically tired, the best thing I could do for the all of us was to rest. And it’s a message I want to pass along to you. Why? Because rest is vital in healing us in body, in spirit and in brain.

Think about it: on-third of every day is spent sleeping; in a 24-hour period, our bodies are meant to rest for eight of them. And in the classic Old Testament story of Genesis, God created light and sky and water and stars and meat and popcorn in the first six days, and on the seventh day. He rested. And it was, as they say, good.

As you date, you no doubt come across moments where you’re tired: Tired of arranging dates. Tired of physically getting ready for them. Tired of seeking out new places for new faces. Tired of hoping that each and every date might be The One. And tired of being disappointed when they’re not. And when you’re that tired, you know what you need? Rest.

Give yourself a gift this weekend: Let yourself off the hook. If you’re tired of planning, go rogue. If you’re tired of dolling up, go natural. If you’re tired of meeting new people, grab dinner with old friends. And if you’re tired of hoping for love, give yourself a break and rest.

When you’re sleeping, the organs revive and the brain takes a vacation and the body goes through a cycle of total rejuvenation so you can get back on the horse fresh and bold in the morning. Allow yourself the same with your love life. Rest in dating to revive and rejuvenate yourself so you can get back on the high-hoping love horse again. When you’re rested and ready, it will come.

Big love,

Posted in Optimisms | Comments Off on Your Secret Dating Weapon: Rest

VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Live, People. Live.

Friday, April 16th, 2010

Your dose for today…

“May you live all the days of your life.” —Jonathan Swift

Step out on the rocks, dive in, and do some living! (Image: AS)

It’s such a simple quote, I missed it the first time I read it. And I laughed the next time I read it. But if you really look at what he’s saying, you’ll be as moved as I am. Don’t just eat, drink and breathe your life. Live it. As a dating optimist, you know you’re going to have the relationship of your dreams, right? So don’t waste your single days with a sit-by-the-phone life! Step out there, do something big, make some bold moves, and really, truly live all these days of your life.

Big love,

Posted in Optimisms, VITAMIN OPTIMISM | Comments Off on VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Live, People. Live.

VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Your Future Will Kick Ass

Thursday, April 15th, 2010

Your dose for today…

Take just a few positive steps today. (Image: AS)

“I’m an optimist. I’ve always believed the future is going to be better than the past. And I also believe I have a role in that. The great thing about human beings, myself in particular, is that I can change. I can do better. If you can get up every day, stay optimistic, and believe the future is better than the past, those few things get you through a lot of tough times.” —Jeffrey Immelt

I love how he puts this and how right he is. Optimism isn’t something you either have or you don’t. It’s something you can start doing today, right now. Believe your dating and love future is going to be better than the past. It’s simple, but it’s hard. So don’t expect things to change in a snap! Just take it step by step by step, whether you’re wearing Converse Chucks or a pair of heels. This morning, for instance, forgive yourself for past mistakes, or forgive others for hurting you. If you want it to be so, your future will be better than your past.

Big love,