It’s on the radio

Cheering each other on


Your “Pretty” Love Place

Friday, May 28th, 2010

I was listening to an old Astrud Gilberto album yesterday when I heard a song that really spoke to me. It had such a powerfully optimistic message that I want to pass it on to you. The song is called “Lugar Bonita,” which means “Pretty Place.”

Your pretty place—in love—is ahead of you. (Image: AS)

While I’d heard this song tens of times before, this time I was really listening to the words and I was moved by her optimism. These are the words of a woman moving forward on a path, not knowing exactly what’s at the end, but knowing it will be a pretty place, a happy ending. You can be this woman! (And guys, you can, too!) It just takes saying these same hopeful words enough that you really believe them.

If you have three minutes and nineteen seconds, put on some headphones, close your eyes (or stare at your computer and pretend to be working) and listen to what she’s singing.

Astrud is right:

On the road of life I travel, looking forward, never back,
Looking to that dream before me, leaving old dreams in my track.

Lugar bonita, bonita, it’s a pretty place, I know.
Lugar bonita, bonita, at the end of this road.

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Big love,

The Bachelor “Say It” Myth

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

I must say, last night’s episode of The Bachelor: The Women Tell All was pretty juicy last night. I usually skim over that yawny episode, but with last night’s Rozlyn v. Chris Harrison battle and Jake seeming not very happy at all as he talked about how “very happy” he was, well, I was in gape-mouthed heaven.

But one thing I didn’t love was seeing my faaaaavorite girl on the show—Gia—falling for The Bachelor Myth. What is that, you ask?

The Bachelor “Say It” Myth: If you don’t open up and say you love and want to marry him, that it’s your fault you’re not getting a rose. No, no, no! It’s just not true. Don’t fall for the hype, Gia, it’s not your fault!

Gia thought to "say" meant to "stay."

Gia thought to "say" meant to "stay."

As Gia said last night:

“I never showed him how I felt, and I never was able to verbally get it out, and, you know, I’ve been through a lot, and I’ve had some really bad breakups and my heart’s been broken, and I was so scared the whole time to put it out there. And to tell him. And by the time I figured it out, and…he sent me home.”

That’s when Chris Harrison asked, “What was it that held you up?” Here’s what Gia said:

“There were so many nights I sat there and I said to myself, “Okay, this is gonna be the time, you’re gonna tell him how you feel, you’re gonna just get it out. And I just…I’d freeze up, so. . . At that moment, I knew that I had fell in love with him, and I thought maybe by some slim chance he knew who I really was and how I really felt without me saying? But, you forget, there’s two other girls who are telling him, “I love you,” telling him, “I want to marry you.” And there’s me who’s just saying nothing. I wish I had more confidence. I wish I’d had more confidence, that he would have chosen me.”

Now, her lack of confidence probably was an issue. But you know what definitely wasn’t an issue? Gia not saying, “I love you” or “I want to marry you.” We’re human beings; we can tell through body language, eye contact and energy if we like each other even without words. Yes, being verbally open is healthy, and as we grow and gain more confidence, we get better at doing that. But we all need to do it at our own pace! Gia, you wonder if there was a slim chance Jake knew how you felt? Of course there was—and it was fatter than slim! I mean, come on, we’ve seen plenty of bachelorettes say “I love you,” and end up crying under some glaring light on the front steps of a mansion the next day.

Take The Bachelor Open Up Myth to heart. Verbalizing how you feel to a guy before you’re ready isn’t the answer. You can play the shoulda woulda game your whole life. That women, you should have told a guy how you felt or said more in the email than you did. Or that guys, you should have called the next day, or kissed her when you had the chance. Yes, what you say and when you call matters. But it’s not all there is. What’s most important is the connection you feel as a couple, and if one half of that couple ain’t feelin it—i.e. Jake not feeling it for Gia—then so it goes.

I’m glad that Gia did learn a few things from the show. “I really learned how to express myself,” she said. “I really learned what I’m looking for, what I want, what I need. And next guy that I meet, I’m telling him how I feel.”

It’s a good way to go forward, but for those who relate, don’t blame yourself for what you wish you’d done or should have said in the past. If you feel it, say it. And if you’re like Gia and you require, you know, a little more than four dates with TV cameras all around you to declare your undying love to a guy you met a few weeks ago, then forgive yourself for that and go with what feels right in your heart! Open up when you’re ready. Use your words when you can mean them. And let the connection between your most real and natural selves guide you along the way until then.

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

How to Use the Phases of Dating Optimism!

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

I’m having a little Regina Spektor moment right now. You know what I’m talking about: “On the radio, oh-oh-oh-oh-ohhh, on the radio…”

Why? I’ve been spreading the half-orange word via a lot of radio stations these days. But I know not everyone has access to every show, so I thought, if it might help to hear me talking about the power of optimism in love, I’d give you a way to listen!

You *can* have a love that makes you blossom (Image: Ken Spencer)

You *can* have a love that makes you blossom (Image: Ken Spencer)

Here is a link to a radio show I did on February 9th with Boston station on 93.7 FM, with “Big Daddy” Mike. We not only talked about how positivity can help your love life, but also about what to do when you date a person and then find out he or she is, um, a hoarder. (Hey, it happens!) Here’s the link to the 93.7 site and our 9-minute interview:

My radio chat with Big Daddy

And if you could go for a longer bit of inspiration, check out the one-hour talk I had last night with Lisa Bonnice—she herself a success story of positive dating who appears in my book, Meeting Your Half-Orange! She hosted me on her super fun radio show, “Shapeshifting with Lisa Bonnice,” and we got to have a nice long chat about how you can bring what you want straight to you in life and in love.

My radio chat with Lisa Bonnice

One idea that Lisa and I talked about: the power of gratitude. Whether you’re writing it down in a “gratitude journal,” which some people do, or just reviewing all the good stuff in your life on the drive to work, do it. How will this help your dating self? Well, it will remind you what you do have instead of what you don’t. When you’re single and want to be in a relationship, you may be focusing a lot on what you don’t have: that you don’t have a partner who loves you, that you don’t have someone to go splitsies on Chinese food with, that you don’t have someone to lift the couch so you can vacuum under it. And if you focus on the empty glass, you’ll feel down about it and get more of it!

Instead, look at how full your life is. Look at what you do have: Your two legs, your health, family members who love you, kind friends, a roof over your head, a job that pays the important bills, a love for a certain type of music that makes you smile every time you hear it. If you look at all the ways you have it going on, at how full your life is, you’ll feel better about yourself and more confident and ready to offer that wonderful version of you to a relationship!

So listen to either show today, or save one for a quiet moment when you want a good jolt of positivity and a reminder to keep believing that your half-orange is out there. Because I, for one, know that he or she most certainly is.

Big love,

Amy Signature 4