Listen to the Older, Wiser You

August 6th, 2011

Man I’ve had a crazy month. Traveling through Costa Rica, finishing my second book, spending a week with my parents visiting from the East Coast, writing some new magazine stories, dealing with some personal stuff…I’m sorry I haven’t had time to squeeze in posting on here! But I found something online I loved so much, I couldn’t help but get back in the blogging game to post it for you here.

Take a look at the letter one person wrote to their younger self:

I stumbled across it on, oh yeah, StumbleUpon. (Um, hello, did you know they have an App now? It’s awesome.) This quote is from the site Dear Young Me that’s also on Twitter (@DearYoungMe). The gist? People submit notes they want to write to their younger selves, full of the advice they wish they’d known then.

I love this particular letter because it’s something I wish I told myself, too! When I graduated from college, some of my friends were already planning their weddings. Four years later, another batch of gals got married. And with every wedding, the “singles table” got smaller—but I was always sitting there, without fail, wondering when my time would come. I kept worrying: Why aren’t I getting married like everyone else? What’s taking my love so long to come?

Well, now that I’ve found my half-orange, I know the answers. I know why I wasn’t getting married back then: Nothing was as good then as it is with Gus! And I know what took my love so long: He and I both had to grow into the people we are today, who could appreciate and love one another for who we were, fully formed, confident and happy.

Don’t worry about everyone else’s timeline! Suck it up, shell out money for their wedding presents, and sit back with confidence. Know that your love will come when it’s good and ready, so you may as well enjoy the singles table at their weddings. Make the most of it! Live up these weeks and years, because you won’t be single forever. And when you’re finally hitched, you’ll want to write a letter to your younger self begging that you appreciate what you have right now.

Browse through Dear Young Me for more inspiration. My advice:

1. Write your own letter to your dearest younger you so you can see how far you’ve come in life and love. I mean, really, look what you’ve learned! Look at the people you know well enough not to date anymore. Look at the lessons you’ve learned about yourself, about what you like, appreciate, can tolerate. And…

2. Really listen to those who have lessons to pass on from an older, wiser place. Sometimes it’s best to learn our own lessons in life. But sometimes, hearing what someone who’s been through it has to say can really help.

Think of what you’d tell your younger self. Then, listen to the older, wiser you. And take your own advice!

You might also like:
Letters to Your Future Husband

Big love,

Posted in Being yourself, It is written

Your Ballet of Long-Lasting Love

June 27th, 2011

My friend Dave forwarded this commercial to me. As he was celebrating his seventh wedding anniversary with his wife in London, he remembered this commercial that he felt was a great representation of how a relationship grows together over time. And since it’s for the mobile and broadband company “Orange,” I’m clearly meant to share it.

Here, dating optimists, is the ballet of long-lasting love you’re looking for:

Let this be a great visual reminder of what you can think about when you focus on your future half-orange: a relationship in which you feel you fit together as a great team, in which you’re working toward the same happy life and taking gentle care of each other along the way.

You might also like:
The Complete Love Strategy

Big love,

Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms

Face Your Fears in Life for Love

June 9th, 2011

Love is scary. And, hey, so is a date every now and then. (I still remember my date who, fidgeting in his seat after dinner, suggested we dine and dash instead of paying; I laid down my credit card and dashed from him right after).

But one of the best ways to get past the fear of opening yourself up for love with your half-orange is to face your fears in life. And that’s just what one author, Noelle Hancock did, which she writes about in her new book My Year with Eleanor.

Now, I haven’t actually gotten the book yet, but I will. Because the book is a stirring example of dating and life optimism: For whether or not you reach a goal or find love as quickly as you want, when you embrace the now, face your fears, and become the best you, you’ll enjoy the journey of life more along the way. And that’s the best part.

As you’ll see in her book video, down and out after being laid off two years ago, Noelle came across the famous quote by Eleanor Roosevelt—”Do one thing every day that scares you”—and took it literally. In her one “year of fear,” Noelle learned to fly on a trapeze, jumped out of an airplane, hiked Mt. Kilimanjaro and did stand-up comedy (which nearly makes my palms sweat as much as they did when I watched this guy climb to the top of the Sears transmission tower to fix it). And whether it was a physical fear or an emotional one, she was all the better for it:

Love and life are scary. But go ahead, call them on it: Grab the microphone or the trapeze bar or the second date with the person who could potentially be a perfect life partner for you and see what happens. I think Eleanor Roosevelt would be proud. But more important, you’ll be damn proud of yourself.

You might also like:
How I faced my fear in: Get Blue Crush Brave

Big love,

Posted in It is written, It's a video

Shouldn’t You Have This? Yes!

June 6th, 2011

I was just chatting on Twitter with some of you about our favorite “music optimism” tracks, and I remembered a song that I used to love from Mary Chapin Carpenter called “Passionate Kisses.” It’s from her album Come On, Come On that came out in 1992, and is—I just found out—a cover of a 1988 Lucinda Williams song. Go figure. But the Mary Chapin version is the one I know and love.

If you listen to the lyrics, you’ll see how positive a message this is for your dating optimism. Give it a listen and take it to heart:

Like she sings…

Is it too much to ask
I want a comfortable bed that won’t hurt my back
Food to fill me up
And warm clothes and all that stuff
Shouldn’t I have this
Shouldn’t I have this
Shouldn’t I have all of this, and
Passionate kisses.

Yes, you should! You should have this! You should have all the good stuff, from a fulfilling career to a great meal to a comfy bed to a big wonderful love in your life that gives you butterflies when you kiss. You should have it all, and you can have it all. So ask.

Big love,

Posted in Optimisms

Cold Feet: My Case of the “Too”s

May 25th, 2011

After years of being single in New York City, I met Gustavo. It was a whirlwind of a first kisses, cross-country visits, and a wedding in Mexico within a year. I told all the giddy details in Meeting Your Half-Orange, but the story I haven’t told yet is that I got the jitters along the way. Yep, I had a cold feet moment.

Yep, I had a cold feet moment. (Image: by Gusto)

The week before I met my half-orange, I made a pact with my New York City friends that we would never, ever, ever leave each other or the city.

My life was great: I had a tightknit group of friends, a job that gave me freedom, an apartment I loved, a beach house three hours away, and a kitty to cuddle with when I was lonely. The relationship I wanted was one I hoped would just slot nicely into the life I already had.

Then I met Gus. After one smoochy night in L.A., he flew to visit me. It didn’t occur to me until he was rolling his luggage down my hallway that a guy I’d only kissed was about to spend seven days attached at my hip. This was new for an independent girl like me.

My best friend Todd loves that he gets the credit for talking me through my jitters four days in. I was walking back to my apartment when I called him.

“I’m freaking out,” I told Todd.

“Why?” he said.

“I don’t know,” I said. “I think it’s too much.”

“Too much of what? Him liking you?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Yeah?”

I was single in New York, after all; I’d been trained in being two-timed, double-played, blown off and booty-called. I wasn’t used to a kind, cute, cool, intelligent person liking me back. So when Gus talked about our future with the calm you’d use choosing a flavor of frozen yogurt, I got a case of the “too”s: It was moving too fast. He was being too nice. He liked me too much. I was too scared for a change. I mean, if this worked out, my life was going to be different. I had a job I could do from my laptop anywhere, and Gus, an artist, worked in a 6,000-square-foot loft space in downtown L.A. that would cost three salaries to afford in New York. So I knew deep down that if anyone moved, it would be me. Was I ready for my life to change? Even for love?

“Dude,” said Todd. “Don’t be stupid. Say how you feel. See where it goes.”

So I went home, packed a bag, and took Gus to my beach house for the weekend. On the train on the way there, I told him about my cold feet and braced myself.

“Okay,” he said, “that’s fair.”

And as we talked it out, it was all there: understanding, patience and acceptance. He said and did all the right things in all the right ways, and by the time we opened our Coronas on the back deck, I knew that my life was going to change–in the best way. Six months later, when Gus proposed and we packed up my apartment to move to California, as sad as it was to break my pact, it was the easiest decision I ever made. And when I said my wedding vows with my bare toes in the sand, my feet were warm, as sure as could be.

Cold feet can go either way. For me, talking about my jitters allowed me to see what Gus would be like in a marriage, and I loved what I saw. So now, when a friend gets a case of the “toos” I have a story to tell.

What’s yours?

Big love,

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Cold Feet Week is brought to you by How Not to Marry the Wrong Guy: Is he the one or should you run? and the experts at www.IdonowIdont.com. Just in time for wedding season, the sponsors are doing everything they can to inspire runaway brides (and grooms) to pay attention to their cold feet before they walk down the aisle! We can give you the insight you need to make a difficult decision while helping you unplan your wedding. And Cold Feet Week isn’t just for engaged people—we are here to help anyone who is having doubts about his or her relationship. To learn more about the sponsors, visit www.coldfeetpress.com or www.IdonowIdont.com.

You might also like this post on a great quote on facing cold feet: