My sister Liz has been a wise source of information for me these days. This time, the a-ha came when she was telling me about the motorcycle lessons she took two months ago.

Steer your life as you would your bike (Image: Yamaha Star VMax)

She was laughing about how funny it is that when you get confused for a second about which way you’re supposed to turn or lean to make the bike do what it wants (in her case, make it around some orange cones in a parking lot), you need only follow the golden riding rule: Look where you want to go and the bike will steer you straight to it. And isn’t that a great rule for life and love? Look where you want to go.

It’s why, for instance, if we see an accident on the side of the road, we sometimes find ourselves driving straight into it. Or if we swear we won’t become attracted to a total player, we somehow end up embroiled in a hot affair with ’em. Our minds and our physical bodies draw us where we’re looking. So instead of using it to steer you toward the car crashes of life, why not use this to your advantage? If you want to be in a certain place in life—in the career or relationship of your dreams, or as a mother or father of a family—look where you want to go and you’ll be led straight to it.

Just do me a favor. Please wear a helmet.

You might also like:
Love Lesson from a Serial Killer
The Edamame Lesson

Big love,

I went to a rad event the other night in Hollywood at Raleigh Studios, based on a book and film called The Good Men Project.

The “project,” created by James Hougton and Tom Matlack, was created to build a conversation about what it means to be a man, a husband, a father, a brother, a son. And that night, the panel discussion involved artist Shepard Fairey and Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner talking on the topic. I found them so insanely interesting, I could have listened to them talk for days.

Still, what stuck with me the most that evening was a line delivered by one of the men featured in the film. Stuart Horwitz is a father who’s spent the last few years taking his daughter Fifer out “busking”—playing guitar and singing songs for cash on street corners. While some people, Stuart said, looked at their activity as possibly unhealthy for his daughter, Stuart knew the experience was actually helping build her self-esteem. How? Well, playing music in front of a crowd who hasn’t asked you to be there is scary—but he taught his daughter to not just face those fears, but to dive through them. As Stuart said in the film,

“On the other side of fear is a blissful self-confidence you have to earn, you can’t buy.”

Now, I may have messed up a word or two there, as I jotted that quote down in the dark of the theater. But the message is there, and I think all of us—old or young, single or married, settled or searching—can remind ourselves the same thing. On the other side of fear is blissful self-confidence you have to earn. And the more confident you become in who you really are, the closer you get to attracting your half-orange straight to you.

If you’re single, think of what that means for you. Consider this your Good Dating Project! Whatever fears you have, face them: Call the person who makes your fingers sweat every time you think about dialing. Ask out your crush and find out once and for all if they feel the same way. Dive into that romance with someone you love with your heart but worry about hurting, because you may be surprised to find yourself deeper in it than you ever imagined.

Whatever happens after you face that fear, one thing is true: You’ll be a better, stronger, smarter, bigger person for it. And, as Stuart says, you’ll earn a blissful self-confidence you can’t get any other way.

You might also like:
An Incurable Optimist Has Dating Advice, Too
Wise Words from an Undone She
Man Advice from a 1943 Classic? You Bet.

Big love,

There’s still a lot going down with the Tiger Woods story—he’s slept with two women, no…six women…hang on, make it twelve! Yet with each breaking news story, there’s one word I’m consistently  hearing from single women. That word is: See?!

Tiger Woods in his winning-er days. (Image: TheOnion.com)

For all those single women who were worried there were no good guys out there, they see this former “good guy” golf pro fall and say, “See?! There’s no such thing as a good guy.” For those who’ve been burned and believe that all men cheat, they look at the women who think true trust and monogamy exist and say, “See?! All men cheat!” I call this “See?! Syndrome” and, if left untreated, it can harm your future prospects for love.

If you’ve been thinking the same things this week, please, think again. One man does not the world make. There are some wonderful, trustworthy, loving, generous, kind and faithful men out there who are capable of a monogamous relationship. And, yes, those men can also be hot, handsome and sexy, too.

 But if all you’re doing is focusing on the men who cheat like Tiger, then what are you going to attract? A man who cheats like Tiger. Or, as the joke going around these days says, a cheetah. (Get it? A cheata’?)

So get thinking about the great men you know out there, and get focusing on what it will feel like to have one of them in your life. If you can imagine and focus on what it feels like to have a loving man who’ll vow to be—and will be—with you and you alone forever…well, then that’s exactly what you’ll attract.

You might also like:
Retrieve Your “Lost” Optimism! 

Big love,