Optimisms
Cheering each other on
The Acorn Message
This week, I went to another lecture by Marianne Williamson. And I love that so many of you love her too, and that some of you are even attending these same lectures (hi Kelly!). She was so full of wisdom, it’s hard to pick just one nugget to pass along, so I’ll make it easy and share the first one that made me think, “I need to tell my dating optimists this!”
What's inside the acorn and you? (Image: Daniel Towsey, TrekEarth.com)
Here’s a question for you: Have you ever said, “I don’t know if I have it in me?” Maybe you’ve said it about work or about facing a difficult issue head on. Or maybe you’ve said it about your love life: Maybe you’ve worried that you don’t have the ability to open up to love or to make a commitment inside you. Well, as Marianne Williamson essentially said,
“Saying, ‘I just don’t have it in me,’ is like an acorn saying, ‘I just don’t know if I have an oak tree in me.'”
Marianne then went on to say that “the presence of fear is proof you’re trusting your own strength.” And that’s so true. Think about it. If you really knew you didn’t have something in you—the way, say, I know I don’t have it in me to be a stuntman skydiver—we’d say just that flat out: “Hells, no, I’ll definitely never ever be able to do that!” The fact that you’re afraid is a sign that you know you can do it.
So the next time you hear yourself saying you don’t know if you have it inside, picture a scared little acorn and the strength it has inside—the strength you have inside. Like the acorn, there’s no denying what you’re capable of, whether you guys like it or not.
Branch out: Fulfill your potential in love
You have the potential to love and be loved. You have the potential to commit. And you have the ability to become positive and hopeful about it in the meantime, until your half-orange steps into your path. Tune into what you have inside and trust in it. If the acorn can do it, so can you.
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Big love,
TODAY: Get Optimisms on your iPhone!
Wouldn’t it be nice if you had a friend telling you JUST what you needed to hear before a big date? Or right after a bummer one? Or first thing in the morning when you’re having a bad hair day and can’t seem to shake your mood? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a little nudge of optimism? Well, you know what I’m going to say here…now you can!
In the hopes of passing along positivity in a new way to those of you who have iPhones, I’ve created an iPhone App called Half-Orange Optimisms. (You can link to the App at iTunes by clicking on that name.)
And it launches today, March 18th!
It’s a collection of 100 original Optimistic quotes I’ve come up with to give you a boost about yourself, your mood, your dating life and your life as a whole. Like a Fortune Cookie meets a Magic 8-Ball Meets Your Crazy Dating Life, you just shake the phone, and the 3-D spinning orange will reveal…
…a few cool words of happy dating wisdom. I’ll be updating the App regularly with brand-new phrases and tips, so it’ll always be full of some fresh, healthy positive advice.
I know I’m not perfect about updating my blog every day. And sometimes I don’t get around to Tweeting for a few days at a time either. So I thought this would be a good way to help you ralley when you need it. You know you have optimism in you, and I know you have it in you, but the iPhone App will just help squeeze it out of you when you want it most.
And look, when you upload it to your phone, it looks like this rad little orange on your screen!
I’d be honored if you deem it fun and useful enough to download it to your phone. Consider it the best love attitude investment you could get yourself this year.
Big iPhone love,
Harry Potter: The “Magic” of Optimism
This past year, my husband and I have been in a race to see who can get to the last Harry Potter book first. I was ahead in early 2009, until we hit our summer house and the hubby spent a few days in the hammock jetting past me. But now, finally, I’ve pulled ahead and beat him to book number 7. (Hmm, is this really something to be bragging about? Now, I’m not so sure…)
Apparating is all about optimism
Anyway, my favorite so far was Book 6: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. First because it was, well, awesome. But second, because it revealed how much the wizards at Hogwarts believe in optimism and manifesting what it is you want.
In book six, the young wizards at the school were allowed to learn the process they call Apparating: moving their bodies from one place to another in an instant. A teacher named Twycross came into the school and started slow, explaining that they’d learn to Apparate into the space of a hula hoop laying a few inches in front of them on the floor. Eventually, with practice, they’d be able to Apparate from the school to the little town of Hogsmeade if they wanted.
Here’s how Twycross explained the process to Harry Potter and his friends:
“‘The important things to remember when Apparating are the three D’s!’ said Twycross. ‘Destination, Determination, Deliberation!
‘Step one: Fix your mind firmly upon the desired destination,‘ said Twycross. ‘In this case, the interior of your hoop. Kindly concentrate on that destination now. . .
‘Step two,’ said Twycross, ‘focus your determination to occupy the visualized space! Let your yearning to enter it flood from your mind to every particle of your body!’
‘Step three,’ called Twycross, ‘and only when I give the command…turn on the spot, feeling your way into nothingness, moving with deliberation! On my command, now…one…”
This is so similar to the important process I write about in Meeting Your Half-Orange:
First, you must boldly ask for what you want. Second, you must picture yourself having the life and love you want coupled with a determination to get it. And finally, make a deliberate effort to focus on how you want to feel every day, with your entire emotional being, so that your day is spent feeling like you already have the life you want.
Apparating is magic in Harry Potter’s book. But manifesting what you want in real life isn’t magic at all. It just feels that way when you end up in the life you were determined to have.
So do as Harry Potter and his friends and focus on your three steps to end up, like magic, in the relationship you want: Destination (in your love’s arms), Determination (see yourself getting there) and Deliberation (focus on it every single day with every particle of your body).
I’m sure Twycoss and Professor McGonagall would encourage the very same thing.
Big love,
Feeling like you “Blew it?”
When I talk to single friends or clients I’ve coached about their past relationships and dating experiences, one thing often comes up: The feeling that, somehow, somewhere, they blew it. And we’ve all had that feeling for some reason, right?
Author Marianne Williamson
Maybe you said something to a boyfriend or girlfriend that led to a breakup. Maybe you didn’t admit your feelings to a friend you liked and they started dating someone else instead. And, man, nothing is worse than that feeling of regret. It sits like a rock in your stomach, and turns over in circles when you think about it, making you want to upchuck the whole experience and do it all over.
Well, that’s not how life works, of course. We can’t re-do the past—but we can affect the future and make sure we don’t re-do our mistakes all over again. This past week, I went to see Marianne Williamson speak in L.A., and of the many brilliant things she said, this was one of them:
“What’s worse than, “I blew it”? “I blew it again. And I knew better.”
Since you can’t change your past, be conscious today and this weekend of learning from the times you think you think you “blew it.” If you think you blew it with an ex by nagging or pushing him, work on your communications skills for your next relationship. If you think you blew it with someone you liked by not making a move, work on your confidence. And if you think you’ve blown it by choosing the same lame types of partners in the past (the hot one instead of the nice one, the cool one instead of the smart one, the clingy one instead of the independent one) then choose more wisely the next time.
It doesn’t matter if you think you’ve blown it in the past. We’ve all felt the rock of regret. But as Marianne Williamson says, let go of the past and just do it right this time. You know better now. Do it right the way you know you can.
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Big love,
The Duet You’re Dating For
My Mom passed along this video to me, and I just had to pass it along to you…
Key for Two: The Cowans (Image: YouTube)
The story is that this older couple, Marlow and Frances Cowan, walked into the lobby of the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota and spotted a piano. The sign on it essentially said, “If you’d like to play it, play it.” And so they did. He—Marlow—is 90, and they’ve been married for 62 years.
It just goes to show you that if you click with the right partner, and keep a wonderful attitude, a fun and longlasting love future could be yours.
Here, take a look at what 62 years of partnership can look like in the right piano-tapping fingertips:
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Big love,
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