Optimisms
Cheering each other on
Well…Why Not?
I keep thinking about last week’s episode of Cougar Town. A show, by the way, I now love.
Jules had the right answer, er, question. (Photo: ABC.com)
It went from a manic show where I couldn’t understand a word anyone said to a laugh-out-loud funny one I look forward to every week. And the line that stuck with me from last week was a simple one.
After Jules (played by Courteney Cox) and Grayson (played by Josh Hopkins) started becoming friends with benefits, she suggested the two of them try—really try—having a relationship. When Grayson asked Jules “Why,” she said one thing: “Why not?“
Well, I think we could all use a little more “Why not” in our lives—especially if you’re single or dating. Why take advantage of a three-day weekend to take a last-minute discount flight to the Bahamas with your friends? Why not? Why go out with the guy who’s six years younger but absolutely, utterly nuts about you? Why not? Why talk to an interesting-looking stranger at a party instead of your same-old crew in the corner? Why not? If you’ve read Meeting Your Half-Orange, then you know that I’m all about putting your desire for a relationship out there, and then letting life bring you your big surprise. For all you know, your next “Why not?” may just be the thing you need.
So don’t let what you’ve always done get in the way of trying new things. And don’t let fear or rules or someone else’s expectations dictate what you say yes to. This week, branch out and give yourself a “Why not?”
You might also like:
Cougar Town Tip: Do You Need to Cut the Strings?
What’s the Upside? The Tale of the Halo
Big love,
VITAMIN OPTIMISM: What Are You Holding Onto?
Your dose for today…
What's still burning in you? Drop the coal.
“Holding anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
—Buddha
When someone hurts us in love, it’s like the longer we hold onto it, the more it symbolizes how deeply this got us and how truly jerky the fool who hurt us was! We want to shout from the rooftops for all to hear: “Can’t you see how awful this person is? Can’t you see how stabbed and stomped on I was? Please, feel this with me! Understand!” We can’t help but simmer in it: Real pain doesn’t go away in a day, right? But here’s the thing: Like Buddha said, that pain doesn’t hurt the other person. It hurts us.
Yes, hurt takes healing, and allow yourself that. But don’t hold onto the pain longer than have to. If you’re tired of feeling angry and bitter and hurt…then let go. Like a hot coal, holding onto anger about the past means you are the one who gets burned. So drop the coal, cool your hands, calm your heart and move forward—away from anger and straight to love.
Big love,
The Ageless Path You’re On
I love to find dating inspiration in all kinds of couples. I recently found it in Lois Hjelmstad, author of the new book This Path We Share: Reflecting on 60 Years of Marriage.
Who'll share the path for your 60 years?
I was interviewing her for a relationship piece I wrote for Redbook magazine, and was tickled by Lois’ sense of humor and sense of marriage. She was almost 18 when she married her 26-year-old husband and they’ve been married for 61 years. Now, says Lois, “I am 79 and my husband will be 88 in April. We’re older than dirt!”
But what I loved most about Lois’ story was that their path to each other wasn’t identical, but their commitment and core values were. As Lois explained:
“We are very different: He was Big Man On Campus; I was the wallflower of the century. He likes sports; I hate them. He is a laid-back Norwegian; I am an anal-retentive German. After years of living in poverty, he wanted to spend every penny we earned; I wanted to keep track of everything. He lived life day to day; I planned years ahead.. I think up redecorating projects and trips; he pronounces, “It won’t work.” But our love is so deep and so passionate, that the differences have not derailed us. Our core values are compatible. We do not have a date night. . .but we go to lunch together every day at McDonald’s. It’s a good time to talk.”
It’s a great reminder that you don’t have to be the same people when you reach each other, but you do have to want the same things from life and each other. That’s what will keep you grounded to the path. As Lois said, people are shocked when she tells them “how crazy in love we still are.” Whoever your half-orange turns out to be, and however long you have together, I wish the same for you.
You might also like:
The Duet You’re Dating For
3 Love Lessons from It’s Complicated
Big, longlasting love,
Are You a Cranky Cow?
I’m behind in 30 Rock, but I caught up yesterday, and had to share part of a recent show.
Negative may be funny, but is it bringing you love?
Whether you haven’t seen it, or saw it and could use some reminding, this is practical useful stuff in dating, no matter who you are, how old you are, or what kind of half-orange you’re looking for.
The setting: Liz Lemon has been dragging herself to singles events (singles dodgeball, singles line dancing) for weeks and she’s over it. She finally brings Jack’s love interest Nancy Donovan (played by Julianne Moore) to a mixer. And after Liz points out all the reasons she doesn’t want to date anyone in the room (i.e. “pants tucked into jeans!”), Nancy says this:
“God, Liz, you’re so negative! Every time you say what you don’t want, you sound like a cranky cow! And you’re not that. You’re smart and you’re fun. So stop talking about what you don’t want and start figuring out what you do want. And then go get it.”
Of course hilary ensues when she does, but the point is there just the same. I was very single for a very long time, so I know what it’s like in the trenches. I know that sometimes it feels really good to point out all the reasons love isn’t going to happen with the guys or girls around who are too tall, too weird, too denim, too bald, too serious, too cheap—the list goes on, I know. Lord knows it gets a laugh sometimes. But the fact is, if you’re only pointing out what you don’t like and don’t want, you’re going to sound, well, like a cranky cow! Do you want cool people you’ve just met to hightail it in the other direction because they don’t want to be around someone so negative? No. Of course not.
So I think that when you talk about yourself and dating, be the positive person others want to be around. Talk about what you do want. And then go get it.
Right? Am I alone in this? Or do you think being hilariously negative about love can be a good thing?
Big love and curiously yours,
You might also like:
The Tightrope Fall of Negative Thinking
Daters, Here’s What You’re Doing Wrong…
VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Have Love Courage!
Your dose for today…
“Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has courage to lose sight of the shore.”
—Andre Gide
Get on the love boat and don't look back!
We all know it’s important to be courageous. But sometimes we forget this is needed in love, too. Maybe the courage is obvious: Maybe you need to escape the relationship that’s beating down your soul, or you have to let go of a hurt that’s holding you back. But courage in love can also be quietly necessary. Maybe your courage is needed in another way: Let go of the image you have in your head of the “perfect” relationship you always “pictured” as a kid. Maybe that white-picket-fence or planned-and-plotted relationship with a particular kind of person isn’t what’s meant for you.
Turn away from the shore and open yourself to a new future with a surprising partner and family, in a different kind of place that will make your heart burst in ways you never pictured were possible. If you don’t open your eyes to new possibilities, how will you ever recognize them? Have courage: Let go of the shore and head for the ocean to see the love that’s out there for you.
Big love,
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