It’s on TV

Cheering each other on

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

I do love me some Gordon Ramsey. And it was while watching the new season of the Kitchen Nightmares that I realized what an optimist he really is!

kitchennightmares And this latest episode—featuring the revamp of “Flamango’s” Florida-themed joint in New Jersey into upscale diner “The Junction”—revealed Chef Ramsey at his optimistic best.

It all hit when the mom running the restaurant, Adele, began fighting him on the changes he’d incorporated into the new restaurant. (What? A restauranteur disagreeing with him and making him curse?) Adele hated the new decor and theme, and made it clear to everyone in her path, “I hate it. I hate it.” Here’s what Gordon had to say about that.

“You can make this work if you believe in it. Already you don’t believe in it! Your negativity’s gonna rub off on your staff, it’s gonna rub off on your daughter, and the customers will be feeling it.”

Eventually, he and her husband got Adele smiling (or maybe the producers did) but it made me realize how similar his message is to dating optimism. The first step in making a successful restaurant work or attracting a successful relationship is believing that you can. Step one is believing you deserve it, and believing things will work out okay. Don’t let your fear that it might not, or a little negativity seep into your spirit and your dates. Gordon knows what happens when you do that and so do you!

Don’t let your love life be a Dating Nightmare: Because if you don’t believe in yourself and the love you’re going to find, who will?

You might also like:
Are You Stuck on a “Used To?”

Big love,

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Get Un-LOST: Nothing’s Irreversible

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

I promise not to write about Lost every single dang week for the next 18 episodes of the show’s final season. But last night was a big episode—the premiere of the final season—and it presented what will surely be a big final theme: What is reversible in life (decisions? mistakes in love? airplane crashes?) and what isn’t?

Locke: What can you change in your heart?

At the end of last season, we saw Juliet banging a hydrogen bomb meant to, well, flash the group through time. If it worked, then the plane that originally crashed them onto the island in the first place? It wouldn’t crash this time; it would land safely in L.A. It would reverse the entire island experience and reset them back to a normal life. Me being the terrible decision maker that I am (I can whittle options down, but I’m terrible at making a choice), I couldn’t decide which result I wanted to see. Did I want it to work or didn’t I? Well, God bless the Lost writers for giving us both. Like a Sliding Doors of airplane crashes, we get to see what would have happened if it did work, and if it didn’t.

Why am I telling you all this? Because of the greater message this gives us about life and love and dating. It’s a theme that was captured in a scene late in the episode when the “didn’t crash” versions of Jack and John Locke end up in the baggage claim room. Jack sees that John Locke is in a wheelchair, and says this:

Jack: Mind if I ask what happened to you? I’m sorry…I’m only asking because I’m a spinal surgeon. I didn’t mean to…

John Locke: Oh no, don’t worry about it. Uh, surgery isn’t going to do anything to help me. My condition is irreversible.

Jack: Nothing’s irreversible.

He then hands John Locke his business card and offers a free consult. What a cool idea for the show and what a powerful idea when it comes to love. I’ve had women and men tell me they feel as injured as Locke about love in so many different ways: “It’s too late for love,” they’ll tell me. Or “I’m never going to find anyone,” “I’m too messed up,” “I’m too set in my ways,” “I have trust issues,” or “I don’t think I’m meant to have a relationship.” They’re doing what Locke is: giving up and giving into it, because they feel no one can change their irreversible “condition.”

But I’m with Jack: Nothing is irreversible. Not in love, anyway. If you choose to spend your days focused on what’s happened to you or what’s been said to you or how you’ve been hurt in the past, well then, sure, of course it feels like you’ll never get out of that wheelchair and on your feet again in love. Instead, if you want love, face forward and see your singleness for the reversible condition it is.

Believe me when I say this: No matter what has happened to you in your life, nothing in your heart and mind is irreversible. If you want to be in a healthy, happy, fulfilling relationship, you can be—just as much as anyone else. You can get your legs back in love—just as soon as you start believing you can.

You might also like:
Retrieve Your “Lost” Optimism
Do You Have IDS (Irritable Dater Syndrome)?

Big love,

Tags: Lost
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on Get Un-LOST: Nothing’s Irreversible

Head to head: LOST vs. MYHO

Monday, February 1st, 2010

I’ve been joking that tomorrow, February 2nd, is such a big day for me, I don’t know what to be more excited about: The official launch of my book, Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Using Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match, or the premiere of the final season of Lost on ABC! So which one’s better?

LOSTVMYHO

I mean, clearly the book means more to me personally, as I’m really proud of creating a book that can guide people toward one of the most wonderful things in the world: love. But on Tuesday night at 8 p.m.? Yeah, I’ll be tuned into ABC with a big bowl of popcorn to watch Lost.

The fact is, they’re both wonderful additions to the world and, believe it or not, have very similar gifts to offer. Which is why I’m putting Lost and my book head to head to see who comes out on top. Here, the battle begins:

LOST vs. MYHO (Meeting Your Half-Orange)

The survival

In LOST . . . we’ve watched the effects of flight Oceanic 815 crashing and burning that completely changed the lives of those who survived.

In MYHO . . . we’ve all had crash and burns in love, and we’ve survived and changed for the better.

The Winner: LOST

The mysteries

In LOST . . . we’ve learned about an island in the South Pacific, rife with powers that The Dharma Initiative was trying to understand. Their conclusion? Electromagnetism moved the island and can change the destiny of humanity.

In MYHO . . . you’ll learn about powers within yourself that neuroscientists have come to understand—that by changing your thoughts, you can change your brain and what you attract in your love life. My conclusion? Otimistic magnetism will move you toward the right relationship.

The Winner: MYHO

The miracles

In LOST . . . John Locke learned to walk again and Hurley knows what it feels like to really be in love with someone. Awww, Hurley.

In MYHO . . . everyone gets their love-legs back and learns to really be in love with someone.

The Winner: LOST

The insights

In LOST . . . you’ve gotten to see flashbacks and flash forwards, showing us what’s coming next.

In MYHO . . . you’ll learn how to use flash forwards in your favor: By visualizing yourself in the most adoring, awesome, weak-in-the-knees relationship, you’ll create the feelings that will ultimately lead you into that very relationship.

The Winner: MYHO

The love stories

In LOST . . . we’ve been able to watch the wildly adorable Jack and kick-ass Kate navigate their complicated attraction, while other couples grow closer from Sawyer and Juliette to Jin and Sun, Desmond and Penny, and the ever-adorable Rose and Bernard. (And for the record, if Jack and Kate don’t end up together at the end of this series, I’m going to sob myself to sleep. Call it a cliché ending if you want, I call it a happy one!)

In MYHO . . . you get to read about dozens of real kick-ass women and guys who found their other halves by being positive, optimistic and utterly determined that they would. And by the time you finish reading it, your happy ending will be on the way.

The Winner: MYHO

The cost

In LOST . . . the two-part pilot episode of the groundbreaking was reportedly the most expensive in ABC history, costing between $10 million and $14 million dollars!

In MYHO . . . the groundbreaking book costs only $15.61 if you order it now on Amazon.com.

The Winner: MYHO

The hope

In LOST . . . characters die and come back to life. Richard never ages. Jacob maybe lives forever, and hydrogen bombs may not be the end of everyone, but a whole new beginning for all the Lost characters.

In MYHO . . . you learn that the same miracles can happen. Your heart can come back to life. And the frustration and disappointment and difficulty you’ve been through in your dating life until now is not the end of a search for love—it’s a whole new beginning for you to find your other half. Your half-orange.

The Winner: MYHO

So, it was a tense battle with two worthy opponents. But the clear WINNER of the head to head is . . . drumroll please . . . MYHO: Meeting Your Half-Orange! (Phew, that would have been embarrassing if I, uh, lost.) For more information on the book, go to: Meeting Your Half-Orange.com

Big love and I really do hope you buy the book—and love it so much, you pass the word on!

Tags: Lost, LOST vs. MYHO
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High School Reunion: Can We Change?

Thursday, January 21st, 2010

Well, as planned yesterday, I spent the rainy evening curled up on the couch watching about a dozen different shows on TV—and the one I was most giddy about starting was High School Reunion on TVLand. Dang, that’s a good show. If you don’t watch it, it’s wildly complex: It’s about all these people who have…a high school reunion.

Joe and Rachelle (Image: TVLand.com)

Anyway, this year it’s the 20 year reunion of Chaparral High in Vegas, and I think what draws me to the show most is that those reality cameras, over two weeks in Hawaii, dive into one of the deepest and most ultimate philosophical questions: Can people change?

This guy John, for instance, was apparently an ignorant jerk in high school, and still is today. Cyndi, the high school nerd, was never accepted back then by the sexy “Summer Girls,” and still feels like an outsider so far. And the Summer Girls? They were pretty then and pretty now (plus Botox and boob jobs), but as they showed this week, there may be some warmth and wisdom behind those tans. We’ll see.

But the three dating players this week were Jodi, Joe and Rachelle. Jodi was a cheerleader who dated the football hunk Joe Basso in high school—though Joe used to cheat on her consistently. And Rachelle, who was pretty but hidden behind an overbearing boyfriend in high school, just got out of a bad marriage and is gorgeous now.

Jodi and Joe shared a kiss on the first night of the reunion. But by day two he was making out with Rachelle in a natural rock hotel pool. Both women then reflected on what this meant for their lives, and both weighed in on the ultimate question of change.

Jodi, watching Joe off with another woman as usual, said: “In twenty years, nothing about Joe has changed.”

Rachelle, after kissing Joe, said, “It gives me so much hope that love is still in the cards for me.”

Here’s what this show is reminding me about change: We cannot change other people. Jodi can’t change Joe Basso and no one seems to be able to get through to pigheaded John. We try—oh, we try—but we cannot change other people. What we can change, however, is ourselves. We can change how we think. How we see things. The choices we make. The baggage we let go of. The hope we choose to hold onto. The people on High School Reunion are evidence that some things about us stay the same unless we make a determined effort to do or think differently. Change is possible if we choose it.

If you don’t like your pessimism, change how you see what happens to you! If you don’t like your weight, change what you eat! If you don’t like the people you continue to date and be hurt by, change who you date! I know it’s easier written than done, but it can be done. People change every day.

Jodi, as crushed as she was, forgave Joe for putting her through the ringer in high school, and chose to wish him well in life. “I want you to be happy,” she said. And afterward, she felt freer and lighter for it, the weight of twenty years of pain lifted. She chose to look forward instead of back. And Rachelle is doing the same thing. She’s leaving her bad relationships behind and hoping for the best. Whatever happens with Joe, at least she gets to feel giddy about a guy again.

Learn from this nutty TVLand show. The next time you want to date someone you wish would change, stop thinking about who they could be with the right push or fix or potential (Maybe he’ll get a better job! Maybe she’ll start being nicer! Maybe he’ll change his mind and want kids after all!). You cannot change other people unless they want to change themselves. Instead, change how you see your life. Change the choices you make about the people who deserve your time. Change what you’ll put up with and only accept the best for yourself. And, like, Rachelle, choose to see how clearly love is in the cards for you.

You might also like:
Janet Jackson: Are You Doing You?
Flipping It: A Story

Big love,

Tags: change, High School Reunion
Posted in In the big wild world, It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on High School Reunion: Can We Change?

A Change is Gonna Come

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Damn, I’m a sucker for American Idol. Every year I swear I’m not going to watch the next season, because it sucks up too much of my time. And every year, I’m drawn to the TiVo’ed episode and think, “Well, okay, just one show of the tryouts…”

after-american-idol-its-time-for-vietnam-idol_14 And every year, yep, I’m not only hooked, but sitting in tears on my couch. Last night’s episode from the Chicago tryouts was no exception. I think I cried three times. Three times at American Freaking Idol. The clincher? The girl at the end who survived a dramatic asthma attack as a pre-teen and sang Sam Cooke for her tryout. Sigh. I love the idea of second chances in life.

I’ve always liked the Sam Cooke song, but since I’ve been talking to so many singles lately about the hope they have for the love that’s coming in their future, the lyrics stood out to me more than ever. If you’re single and ready to become a true dating optimist, if you’re determined that you will have love in your life—and not just any love, but an adoring, amazing, inspiring and special one—then keep Cooke’s words in mind as your very own:

It’s been a long, a long time coming.

But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will.

However long a time it’s been coming, if you want love in your life and you’re hellbent on getting it, you can. And the longer the wait’s been, the more you’ll appreciate it when it does.

A change is gonna come if you want it to.

Big love,