Being yourself

Cheering each other on

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

I like to think I could live on popcorn. But ask me again after I’ve eaten a super combo tub of movie theater popcorn with a few presses of “butter.” The fact is, too much of one good thing is too much.

Heart of all trades! (Image: AS)

As most fitness experts will tell you, for example, circuit training works better than spending all your time doing one single exercise over and over. And more generally, cross-training works well, to: If you’re spending all your time running on the treadmill, for example, you could use some yoga to balance your body and mind out.

It’s like life: If you’re spending all your time working, or all your time partying or all your time zoning out to Hulu, you won’t feel like you’re living a well-rounded life.

And, surprise surprise, the same goes for dating. If you’re looking for all your dates online, or seeking all your dates among your group of friends, or hoping to run into all your dates in your neighborhood, you’re not giving yourself a well-rounded opportunity to meet your half-orange. Try circuit-living and circuit-dating: Branch out!

Spend some time winking to cute folks online. Spend one night over cocktails at a fab spot. Spend one weekend visiting a park in a new neighborhood on a Saturday afternoon for Frisbee. And please, give yourself some time to sit alone on patch of grass under a Dogwood tree with a can’t-put-down book. Dating isn’t just about the face-to-face meetings, the one-on-ones. Dating is also a state of mind. You don’t always have to be “out there” dating to meet the right one. You just have to be living a happy, authentic life. Keep yours vibrant and full so your love life doesn’t get stuck in treadmill mode.

You might also like:
The Coffee Test

Big love,

Tags: butter, circuit-training, cross-training, dating, Hulu, single
Posted in Being yourself, Optimisms, With a little help from your friends | Comments Off on Have You Tried Circuit-Dating?

A Gleeful Reminder

Friday, September 18th, 2009

People have been talking about the new show Glee so much (Wednesdays on FOX), I had to check it out. I am, after all, a former Glee Club member myself. Of course, we had to stand on bleachers in polyester red gowns when we sang “Eye of the Tiger” in six-part harmony. These kids have style.

Rachel (played by Lea Michele) celebrated their style (Image: Hulu/Fox)

Rachel (played by Lea Michele) knows what's special

Anyway, the show? Adorge. It’s an optimistic little story about some high-school outcasts with big hearts and beautiful voices (um, can we talk about the pipes on Amber Riley who plays Mercedes?!) who don’t get any respect from the sporty types at school. On this week’s “Acafellas” episode, the club hired a choreographer to create some contest-winning moves, but all he did was viciously call them various forms of useless. Just as they were about to quit, Rachel (who’d been told her nose was too big) stopped them with this:

“When Barbra Streisand was a young ingénue, they told her in order to be a star, she’d have to get a nose job. Thankfully, she refused . . . . Let’s face it. We’re never gonna be as good dancers as Vocal Adrenaline. We’re gonna win because…we’re different. And that’s what makes us special.”

It’s such a simple message, I know that. But I don’t think we can remind ourselves enough. We need to stop trying to fit into other people’s boxes once and for all—in work, in friendships, and in love. We may have spent our high school years trying to fit in, but real life is about standing out! You are unique and you are awesome, as is. And if someone isn’t into you, it’s not your problem, it’s theirs. I mean, really, if some fool can’t see how wonderful you are, then he or she loses the gift of getting to be with you, plain and simple. But don’t worry: your future partner is too smart a cookie to let you get away.

Remember, like the Glee girl said: We’re different. And that’s what makes us special.

You might also like:
Mad Men: More than Eye Candy
A Dating Lesson from Top Chef

Big love,

Tags: acafellas, Glee, optimist, surviving set-backs
Posted in Being yourself, It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on A Gleeful Reminder

What’s the Upside? The Tale of the “Halo”

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

My friend Brandon had a skiing accident some time ago that knocked his neck around and left him in a clunky metal “halo” that was screwed into his skull, its huge metal arms resting on his shoulders to keep his head from moving a millimeter. And it made him stand out in a crowd in a very Joan-Cusack-in-Sixteen Candles kind of way…

Can you find the upside to this?

Not that Brandon expected the attention, mind you. The first morning he went outside in public, he pulled on a pair of shorts and said, “Oh man, I’m so pale, do you think I’m going to look stupid?” We had to remind him, “Um, Brandon? They’re not gonna be looking at your legs….”

For many people, getting screwed into a halo would keep them home. Did it stop Brandon? Hells no! The first time I saw him, he was wobbling into a Hooters of all places, for wings and beer. He went on hikes, hit the beach, rode the ferris wheel and drank champagne cocktails at my husband’s art party at a loft downtown all while wrapped up in goofy sweatshirts cut open to fit over his contraption. And you know what I saw? Girls flocking to him like moths to flame, mice to cheese, Mad Men characters to cigarettes.

Brandon didn’t feel a bit sorry for himself, and it made the people around him feel the same way. What women saw when they spoke to him was a guy with a zest for life, a great sense of humor, and a spirit that would not be squashed, not even under the weight of a 20-pound chunk of metal. Instead of groaning about his halo, he had girls put flowers in it! Instead of focusing on the outside, he looked at the upside.

Making the most of a bad situation (Image: AS)

Brandon’s healed and free of his halo now, but his story sticks with me. I know, for instance, I used to pity myself at times when I was single—over my dried up dating life or the crappy day I had or the people who didn’t call me back. (Clearly, I should have read 11 Ways Being Single Beats Being in a Relationship!) But then I’d look at people who keep a positive attitude through far worse experiences, and I was reminded that no matter what life doles out, it’s our job to find the upside within us. Our life is what we make of it from the inside. Your wonderful attitude is what’s going to bring you the happiness you seek and the love you’re looking for. So find the upside. There’s nothing more attractive than an unstoppable optimist!

You might also like:
WWJS: What Would Joan Say?

Big love,

Tags: Brandon, Mad Men, optimist, Sixteen Candles, the upside, you can control your attitude
Posted in Being yourself, In the big wild world, Optimisms | Comments Off on What’s the Upside? The Tale of the “Halo”

Walk a Mile in Your True Shoes

Monday, September 14th, 2009

If you’re having a dull day (Mondays, can you hear us?) or a string of bad dates, retail therapy—and by that I mean 75% off retail therapy—can work wonders.

And if shoes are your thing, you deserve to look and feel your well-heeled hottest. (To you guys, I do realize high heels are probably not your thing, but they look so cute in a picture, don’t they?) Whatever your pedate passion, let me ask you a bigger question about your next shoe-shopping trip: Are you buying shoes for who you are? Or for who you think you’re “supposed” to be?

Here’s why I ask that: When I was single, I bought myself more than a few pairs of unnecessary arch-aching stilettos that only went with, like, four things I owned. It was all part of my quest to be the sexiest single gal in the room. And while some shoes were absolute knock-outs, I mistakenly blew some money on styles that just weren’t me. It’s not good for your bank account, and it’s not good for your soul. I say, Buy shoes for the secure person you plan to be in your next relationship, not for the self-doubting person who may be trying to catch someone’s eye.

Picture the person you want to be in the relationship you want: Fiercely fun-loving and fabulous? Then go ahead, splurge on a killer pair of designer shoes. Are you looking for someone to hit the running path with? Ring up a pair of sneakers with rocket technology in the soles. Do you dream of walking the cobblestones of San Telmo in Buenos Aires with you? Get a pair of Vans or soft leather ballet flats. The way I see it, once you find a pair of shoes you feel like your best self in, you’ll literally be walking the walk of the right relationship.

Big love,

Tags: self-doubting, splurge, walking the walk of the right relationship
Posted in Being yourself, Optimisms | Comments Off on Walk a Mile in Your True Shoes

WWJS: What Would Joan Say?

Tuesday, September 8th, 2009

I promise, you don’t have to watch Mad Men to appreciate the clothes, the characters and the wisdom it doles out between the dull parts. This week, my favorite nugget came from Peggy’s attempt at writing her own “Roommate Wanted” ad.

Peggy needed a branding lesson (Image: Carin Baer, AMC.com)

Peggy, a mostly straight-laced, hardworking advertising copywriter was trying to paint a plainly honest portrait of herself in an ad requesting a roommate in Manhattan. But it took Joan Holloway, the smartest secretary in the office, to point out, really, who gets excited about a plainly honest anything? (more…)

Tags: branding, fun-loving girl, Joan Holloway, Mad Men, Peggy Olsen
Posted in Being yourself, It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on WWJS: What Would Joan Say?