Archive for August, 2010


“I’ve had a crush on a guy friend of mine, who just kissed me. I read your book and have used the philosophy in my life. Now, being with him is indescribable. I have to pinch myself. I know he and I could really work, I always have. But my question is, now what? What do I do if I think I’ve found my half-orange?” —Lisa

Monday, August 16th, 2010

What you do if you think you’ve found your half-orange? You sink into it and enjoy the moment! You enjoy yourself. I like to say that being with your half-orange will feel like you’ve had a soft landing in your living room, that you can put your feet up on the coffee table of the relationship. You no longer have to “try” too hard or act your best or be a certain way to impress this person—you can just be you, because that’s exactly who they want to be around. The more you’re you, the more they love you!

Being with your half-orange is not about questioning but about trusting and letting things fall into place. It’s freeing and fulfilling. You find yourself smiling more in a day because you’re actually happy—and lo and behold, people and your partner want to be a part of your life because you’re so happy. It’s all about being your best self and radiating a self-assuredness and confidence that is natural and ridiculously attractive.

Whatever happens from here, whether this friend of yours is meant to be your partner in love, remember this: There’s a reason for every relationship you have and for every wall you have to climb over. Each person we meet takes us one step closer to the person we’re meant to be for our healthy, half-orange relationship. And eventually, one of those people is your half-orange. I look forward to hearing that you (and others of you!) have indeed found yours.


What’s YOUR Star Wars Mug?

Thursday, August 12th, 2010

My husband loves his Star Wars mug. To me, it’s a bit of an eyesore. To my husband, it’s the bright spot in his day, a flashback to his youth, the best coffee vessel on earth.

We all have our own "Star Wars mug." (Image: Amy Spencer)

As I was cleaning the dishes the other day and putting away the helmet, I smiled for the first time when I looked at it. And the reason I came up with what that I was reminded how important it is to value the little things you may not love that your partner holds dear—and know there are plenty of things about us that they hold dear, too.

He, for instance, puts up with the fact that four days out of seven, I’ve filled the room with the scent of fresh-popped corn. He miraculously doesn’t seem to mind that I always want a bite of his food, even when I swear I’m so full I could die. He hasn’t left me over how much I hate doing laundry. And I know my obsession with chairs has become an issue when I realize the Louis XIV chair I was “going to reupholster this week” has been sitting in the laundry room for over a year. So the teeny tiny Star Wars mug? I mean, geez, loving it is the least I could do.

I guess I’m saying this is worth remembering as you date. You know, maybe we should focusing on that stuff as soon as we meet somebody (“He plays Fantasy Football, for goodness’ sake!”) and think, instead, how lucky we might be if they’d be open and easygoing enough to take the stuff we dole out. We all have our personal Star Wars mug. I have a lot of them. And I know I’m lucky to have found someone to appreciate them all. In your dating life, too, may the force learn to love it.

So…what’s your Star Wars mug? Come on, I know you have one!

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Big love,

The Glass Slipper Theory

Wednesday, August 11th, 2010

I received a copy of a book called The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper and found in it a bit of sage dating wisdom I liked.

Some secrets are worth sharing

In one section, author Donna Estes Antebi talks about what she calls “The Glass Slipper Theory,” in love, explaining that if that glass slipper doesn’t fit, then he’s not your prince. (And guys, glass boots sometimes don’t fit either.) “Getting along with each other shouldn’t be difficult, especially in the beginning of a relationship,” says Antebi. I couldn’t agree more. I’ve heard too many women and men talk about how proud they are of surviving as a couple even though they fight all the time and butt heads all the time. If you’re having those issues in the first three years, can you imagine how the next thirty will feel? What kind of life is that? So take these wise words from Antebi:

As much as you want to be Cinderella, you can’t stretch a glass slipper. If the slipper doesn’t easily fit, you will find that trying to walk in them on the rocky road of life only gets increasingly difficult as the years go by. Somewhere along the way, the slipper is bound to break.”

Whether you’re a Cinderella or a Cinder-fella, the advice still holds true: Getting along shouldn’t be a battle. Look for the relationship that makes it all feel easy.

Have you ever found yourself sucked into one of those relationships? The ones where the slipper didn’t fit and you tried far too hard to try to make it so?

You might also like:
WWJS: What Would Joan (Holloway) Say?

Big love,

VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Reach for the Fruit

Monday, August 9th, 2010

Let this nourish your optimism and happiness all week long.

Green PillYour dose for today…

“Go out on a limb—that’s where the fruit is.” —Jimmy Carter

You can't eat it if you don't reach to pluck it (and yes, tomato is a fruit, remember?) Image: Amy Spencer

We’ve all reached out for things we didn’t get: We apply for a big reach college that doesn’t accept us. We pitch an idea for our dream product that doesn’t get past the first round. And in love, we express our feelings for someone who doesn’t feel the love for us. Losing what we wanted leaves us hurt, bruised and fallen. But it should never, ever leave us too injured to try again. Life and love are all about reaching out. You can’t get what you don’t ask for and you can’t receive love if you don’t give it.

The best things on this earth come from hard-to-reach places, both outside and within yourself. So go out on a limb in love: Tell the person you like how you feel, ask out that stranger at the bus stop, be  honest in your online profile about the “serious relationship” you want. Sure, sometimes you’ll get bruised. But other times, reaching out will get you that sweet, delicious, perfect, plump fruit that made going out on a limb so worth it after all.

You might also like:
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Big love,

Amy Signature 4

Dating Is No Job Interview!

Thursday, August 5th, 2010

When I was single, I found myself working very hard when I went out to make as many guys like me as possible.

Don't make cocktails come to the "office."

I’d laugh, I’d drink, I’d flirt, I’d charm and I’d do my damndest to get the guy to like me so that I could start figuring out if I liked them in return. But whoa, right? Do you see how much work I was putting myself through? That’s like spending the week charming the pants off of every boss at every job in every office in every building on the block and then deciding what kind of job you want in the first place.

What I started doing in dating was that I stopped interviewing for love. Dating, after all, isn’t a job interview. Dating isn’t about needling your way into an office between the times you get to have fun. Dating is supposed to be the having fun part!

So if you catch yourself asking questions about your date like you’re filling out a pro/con list, or catch yourself selling your talents to get them to “hire” you in the first place, step back. Slow down, breathe deeply, and rethink what you’re here for! You want to pick the job you want before you interview, and you want to know how you want to feel in love before you get out there and start looking for it.

As I say in Meeting Your Half-Orange, you would dress the part you want to have in work before you’ll be considered for the job, so start dressing the part in love, too. You don’t need to get every guy or girl you meet to like you, you just have to be your best self so that the one guy or girl who’s most right for you will recognize you as the one for them. It’s not as much “work” as you think. Just be yourself, love yourself and let the best part of you show. The world will take on the job to do the rest.

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Big love,