2010 January — The Life Optimist

Archive for January, 2010

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

Damn, I’m a sucker for American Idol. Every year I swear I’m not going to watch the next season, because it sucks up too much of my time. And every year, I’m drawn to the TiVo’ed episode and think, “Well, okay, just one show of the tryouts…”

after-american-idol-its-time-for-vietnam-idol_14 And every year, yep, I’m not only hooked, but sitting in tears on my couch. Last night’s episode from the Chicago tryouts was no exception. I think I cried three times. Three times at American Freaking Idol. The clincher? The girl at the end who survived a dramatic asthma attack as a pre-teen and sang Sam Cooke for her tryout. Sigh. I love the idea of second chances in life.

I’ve always liked the Sam Cooke song, but since I’ve been talking to so many singles lately about the hope they have for the love that’s coming in their future, the lyrics stood out to me more than ever. If you’re single and ready to become a true dating optimist, if you’re determined that you will have love in your life—and not just any love, but an adoring, amazing, inspiring and special one—then keep Cooke’s words in mind as your very own:

It’s been a long, a long time coming.

But I know a change is gonna come, oh yes it will.

However long a time it’s been coming, if you want love in your life and you’re hellbent on getting it, you can. And the longer the wait’s been, the more you’ll appreciate it when it does.

A change is gonna come if you want it to.

Big love,

Posted in It's on TV, Music makes the love go 'round, Optimisms | Comments Off on A Change is Gonna Come

No More Drama!

Friday, January 15th, 2010

When you’re single, sometimes drama really seems to come knockin’. You swear you don’t want any drama, you vow not to get involved with anyone who reeks of it, and the next thing you know, you’re in a weird situation, with somebody’s ex involved, texting to find out where you stand, and wondering how it all turned to drama in the first place! Sigh.

Well, maybe this should be the year of no more drama, once and for all. I was reminded of this earlier today when I was listening to a song I could not love more: Drama by Bobby Digital — who is, as my Wu Tang-loving husband has taught me, a character offshoot of Wu Tang member The Rza. (Am I getting this all right? I’m still in Wu Tang 101!)

The tune—featuring some guy named Monk and this cool-looking singer named Thea—has an amazing melody and even better lyrics, the best of which say this:

“I like to keep my head up to the sky and ask myself why it has to be this way.

I like to live my life in peace and health, not to worry about all the dramas of the day.”

If you haven’t already clicked on the link above to watch the video on You Tube, you should. Go ahead, I’ll be waiting right here. Even though the song is about the struggle of life in the hood, the message that rings through is for all of us who find ourselves struggling, striving and trying to live a happy life. I promise, you will love this song. In fact, I’m still unsure why this wasn’t a huge hit when it came out, but you’ll want to buy it. In fact you can get the song here on iTunes!

But more important, listen to the message: Stop focusing on the dramas of the day. Aim to live a life of health, peace and calm. Keep your head up and ask for it, and you can get it. And you’ll be so undramatically glad you did.

Big love,

Tags: Drama, Wu Tang
Posted in Music makes the love go 'round | Comments Off on No More Drama!

A “First” look at Meeting Your Half-Orange

Wednesday, January 13th, 2010

We interrupt this offbeat advice-giving broadcast to share the first item of magazine press for my upcoming book, Meeting Your Half-Orange. Why? Because the more singles that read the book, the more happy, radiating people there will be out there, and the better the world will be because of it! Plus, this being my first book, I’m uber-excited about getting the word out.

Here’s the clip from the “Pocket Psychologist” section First for Women magazine:

FIRSTJan2010OrangeREVIEW_2_2

They’re right: Having an optimistic view can attract your other half! Just remember, though, your positive views aren’t worth much if you don’t inject them with intense emotion and take some action—which is what the book explains exactly how to do. One things I especially love about this review that you can take with you today:

Think of butterflies. I know butterflies get a cliché rap sometimes, but the cycle of their lives is seriously miraculous and reflective of who we all are when we’re trying to enter a new phase of being. If you’re looking for your other half, make this the month of weaving yourself inside a blanket of feeling like the person you want to be in your dream relationship. Live in it, rest in it, and then, when you’re ready for your big relationship, open up and let yourself fly. Let the energy that’s been bubbling inside you bring your other half straight to you.

You may also like this story of a guy who created his own press to find love:
TimWow is Available Now!

Big love,

Posted in Optimisms | Comments Off on A “First” look at Meeting Your Half-Orange

Are You Stuck on a “Used To?”

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

After too many people’s prods of, “Oh my god, you haven’t seen it? It’s hilarious!” I finally started watching the show Modern Family on ABC.

Keep your dreams current: in life, in love (Image: ABC.com)

And they’re right, those people who pushed it on me. It is hilarious. And this past week, I also found it very wise.

In a scene this past week with Jay (played by Ed O’Neill) and Rico’s dad Javier (played by Benjamin Bratt), they were playing a game of pool and talking about riding motorcycles, when Bratt’s character said this:

Javier: You ride?

Jay: Used to.

Javier: Used to? Used to? The saddest words in any language, my friend.

That one hit me in the gut, because he’s so right. The phrase “used to” is most often paired with a healthy activity you loved and no longer do. Or you say it when talking about a life dream you once had and have since given up on (that came up later in that scene, too, when Javier asked if hitting a curve ball was dream of his, and Jay said, “Used to be.”). And when it comes to dating, you sometimes say it when you’re talking about the ideal qualities you’d want in a partner that you’ve altogether stopped asking for. As in:

Them: So do you think your Prince (or Princess) Charming is out there?

You: I used to. Now I’ll just settle for someone to cuddle with and split the groceries.

Eliminate those sad words from your vocabulary. “Used to” is a sign that you’ve given up on yourself and your dreams. If you used to think your other half was out there, you owe it to your happiness to start thinking that way again. If you don’t believe your other half is out there, why bother looking, right? I believe we all have a half-orange who is perfectly compatible with us, and I hope you do, too. So todd your “used to”s out the window and start thinking about what your heart wants again right now.

You might also like:
Retrieve Your “Lost” Optimism
4 Life Lessons from “Flipping Out”

Big love,

Tags: modern family
Posted in It's on TV | Comments Off on Are You Stuck on a “Used To?”

Katy Perry: Found Her Half-Orange!

Friday, January 8th, 2010

I recently sat down with “I Kissed a Girl” singer Katy Perry for dinner at the Sunset Marquis in West Hollywood, and our conversation appears in the Glamour cover interview this month.

Katy talks about love in "shapes," too.

And while I know it sounds like such a cliché when you read things like this, she rolled in to our meeting looking pretty and fresh-faced, with no makeup, wearing gym clothes and sneaks, the total softer side of what I expected. What also surprised me? How whipsmart, emotionally mature and grounded she was at just 25 years old.

I told her about Meeting Your Half-Orange—which will be in bookstores soon! Or, buy it here now at Amazon.com—and what the term meant. I explained how the half-orange (based on the Spanish phrase mi media naranja) is such a wonderful symbol of a good relationship. If you picture the fruit split open, it’s two sweet halves meeting in the middle. Neither side is bigger or bolder, and neither side is being taken over or engulfed; it’s just two halves that meet in the center and create a full, healthy, round orange of a solid relationship.

Katy, it turns out, had the same picture in mind for what she wanted in her other half. Here is what she said in the interview:

GLAMOUR: You once said you’d wait five more years to get married. What will make you ready to settle down?

KATY PERRY: When I find a partner who is my teammate. I’m not going to play by any rules, I’m just going to go with my heart. Why wait? I just wrote a song [that goes], “They say it’s hard to meet your match, gotta find my other half so we can make a perfect shape.”

Well, over New Year’s, Katy got engaged to her teammate, British comedian Russell Brand (of Forgetting Sarah Marshall fame)! Sounds like she found her other half. And if you still want to find yours, keep that same picture in mind.

If you meet someone and it’s not feeling like their orange half is meeting yours in the middle—you’re always the one doing the texting, or you’re always pushing for an “official” date that’s not coming to pass, or maybe you’re feeling like you’re steamrolling them—then it’s probably not the right relationship. You want to feel equal respect, equal attention and equal affection, and your true half-orange will give you all that and more.

Big love,