Posts Tagged ‘single’


The Don’ts of Liz Lemon’s Dealbreakers

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

I really hope you’re watching 30 Rock. Because other than Jack Donaghy’s dry wit, Kenneth’s cartoonishly eager face, Jenna’s hopelessly hopeful career, and Tracy’s lunatic antics, my favorite part is watching Liz Lemon navigate the world of being single.

Don't take dealbreakers too far (Image:

Don't take dealbreakers too far (Image:

On last night’s episode, Liz (played by the show’s creator Tina Fey) published a book called Dealbreakers: A Girl’s Guide to Shutting it Down. I laughed out loud, of course, at the ones on her list, like, “If your man is over thirty and still wears a nametag to work, that’s a dealbreaker!” and “If your man has seven cell phones but won’t give you any of their numbers, that’s a dealbreaker!” You can see more items on the list at NBC’s Dealbreakers site—and most are so far out there (“If your man appears on “To Catch a Predator” on Dateline, that’s a dealbreaker!”) we can’t help but agree. But I gotta say, as much as I love Liz Lemon, I don’t love all her dealbreakers.

Why? Put simply, if you’re focused on what’s not going to work in a relationship, then the negatives are all you’re going to see! Look at the subtitle of the book: a guide to shutting it down. Hilarious, of course, I get that. But in real life, haven’t you shut enough down? Your dates, your attitude, your heart, your hope? Think about opening up, instead. Open up to the possibility that perhaps the most perfect man for you—kind-hearted, supportive, sexy, driven and funny—just happens to want to “ride you home on his handlebars.” And guys, maybe the perfect woman—warm, beautiful, quirky and smart—just happens to “collect action figures.” Please: Don’t count people out of your life before they’ve even stepped into it.

Now I do think it’s important to look at your life in the big picture and make note of the big dealbreakers. If you desperately want a family and the man you’re dating doesn’t want children, yeah, that is a dealbreaker. If you’re a deeply religious person and the date you’re with is adamantly opposed to what you believe in, yeah, another dealbreaker. But when it comes to someone’s personality traits—to the food they eat, the movies they watch, the shoes they wear—these don’t define a whole person. And maybe what you thought was a dealbreaker at first will turn out to be something you can embrace as the lovable quirk in the person who’s so perfectly meant for you.

Enjoy the show, laugh at the book, and—as Liz Lemon says—”if your man has appeared on Maury to take a paternity test,” he’s probably not the right guy for you. But after you laugh your way through the episode and her “book,” stop looking for ways to shut it down, and start looking for ways to open up. Love likes to surprise us, remember. Let it.

But I’m also curious to hear what you think about Liz’s dealbreakers: Have you been burned by not having them? Are there some you’d never give in on? Or have you scrapped your list altogether?

You might also like:
Love Doesn’t Need to be Quite So Tough…

Big love and let me know,

Amy Signature 4

Have You Tried Circuit-Dating?

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

I like to think I could live on popcorn. But ask me again after I’ve eaten a super combo tub of movie theater popcorn with a few presses of “butter.” The fact is, too much of one good thing is too much.

Heart of all trades

Heart of all trades! (Image: AS)

As most fitness experts will tell you, for example, circuit training works better than spending all your time doing one single exercise over and over. And more generally, cross-training works well, to: If you’re spending all your time running on the treadmill, for example, you could use some yoga to balance your body and mind out.

It’s like life: If you’re spending all your time working, or all your time partying or all your time zoning out to Hulu, you won’t feel like you’re living a well-rounded life.

And, surprise surprise, the same goes for dating. If you’re looking for all your dates online, or seeking all your dates among your group of friends, or hoping to run into all your dates in your neighborhood, you’re not giving yourself a well-rounded opportunity to meet your half-orange. Try circuit-living and circuit-dating: Branch out!

Spend some time winking to cute folks online. Spend one night over cocktails at a fab spot. Spend one weekend visiting a park in a new neighborhood on a Saturday afternoon for Frisbee. And please, give yourself some time to sit alone on patch of grass under a Dogwood tree with a can’t-put-down book. Dating isn’t just about the face-to-face meetings, the one-on-ones. Dating is also a state of mind. You don’t always have to be “out there” dating to meet the right one. You just have to be living a happy, authentic life. Keep yours vibrant and full so your love life doesn’t get stuck in treadmill mode.

You might also like:
The Coffee Test

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

What does it mean you’re a dating optimist? —K.

Wednesday, August 12th, 2009

It means that I see dating as a powerfully positive means to get to the end you want: the love of your life. I was single for many, many, many years (I was always “the single one”), so I know what it’s like to see dating from the other side: as an frustrating, fruitless chore. But I learned through it all that if you can learn to see the experiences you have in your single life as positive, everything changes.

Yes, even those days you end up on a date with a creepy guy who salivates while he talks. And even those days you’re home alone catching up on TiVo wondering why no one ever seems to ask you out. It’s all for a good reason and my post as a dating optimist is to help you see it that way!