Make the Most of Your Middle!

June 10th, 2010

When we have a goal, it’s easy to get so caught up in reaching it, we forget to live and love the moments we have now.

As Mr. Schuester said: Don't ignore the middle.

It happens while you’re heading to vacation (forgetting to enjoy the excitement of the journey there) it happens when you’re saving up money to buy a car (and forget to enjoy some before you get it). And it happens in dating, when you’re so anxious to see your happy ending, you forget to enjoy your single life on the way there.

This week’s Glee finale pegged this idea. Their teacher, Will Schuester, hated how depressed the kids were about Regionals (which is a singing competition, for you non-Gleeks), which wasn’t looking promising. They felt if they weren’t going to win, why compete? It’s like you may feel in love: If you’re not going to meet the right guy or girl tomorrow, why the hell are you even bothering?

Because of the “Journey,” Mr. Shue wrote on the blackboard. Actually, it was a white board, and I appreciated that his handwriting was almost as bad as mine. But then he gave this little speech:

“One day,” he said, “all of you are going to be gone. And all of this, all of us, will be nothing but a hazy memory. It will take you a second to remember everyone’s name. Someone will have to remind you of the songs we sung, the solos you got, or didn’t get. Life only really has one beginning and one end, and the rest is just a whole lot of middle. And I love you guys too much to let you not make the most of it.”

Think back to your high school days. It’s happened, hasn’t it? Much of it is a hazy memory and you do forget some people’s names. And I’m here to tell you that if you walk through your life today focused on nothing but the person you want to meet in the end, the same will happen in ten years about aspects of your life today!

Do you want to think back on this time and have hazy memories of sitting on the couch pouting? Of being tense about being alone? Of waiting by a phone for someone to call? No! You want to look back and have bursting memories of your single life! Of times you and your friends took the town for a night or whisked away for a weekend. Of times you learned to speak Spanish and make pies and flew to surprise your family for an anniversary party. Of times laughing and living and learning about yourself.

Life is, like Mr. Schue says, a whole lot of middle. And I care about you too much to let you not make the most of it. Start today: Make the most of your middle.

Then tell me: What do you notice? What do you feel? What’s great about your life right now that you were forgetting to appreciate?

You might also like:
How to Live in the Moment
Are You Indentured to the Future?

Big love,

Posted in In the big wild world, Optimisms

The Big Wedding Test: Acceptance, Love & Kindness

June 7th, 2010

A friend of mine is getting married soon, and it reminds me how much I learned about relationships in the days between dating and “I Do.” And I think it can help you to think about one particular element of this as you seek your half-orange.

I consider myself a really laid back girl. The only time that my laidbackness stood up and screamed was when I was planning my wedding.

It started off so chill, it really did. We booked our barefoot-on-the-beach-in-Mexico locations over the internet, signed up a mariachi band and hoped the tequila would blur any parts of the event that went wrong. (And, oh, did it.) But part way through the wedding planning process, “it” hit. The “it” that makes Bridezillas a ratings baby hit me, too. And I’ll tell you what that “it” is: pressure. A whole big pile of pressure sitting on one person’s shoulders.

As embarrassed as I am to say so, I found myself more than a few times curled up and sobbing in the fetal position. Not because I cared what color flowers we had or what brand of tequila (duh, the best!), but because I was overwhelmed by having to plan an event for the strangest audience ever: I mean, what food, music and drinks do a 7o-year-old from Florida, a 32-year-old fashionista from NYC and an 8-year-old kid from Connecticut really have in common?

Here's me and the hubby on the Playa del Carmen beach. Will he hold your hand through tough choices?

What saved me was my now-husband. He was a gift through it all. He affirmed that we were making the right choices. He said he was grateful for the hard work I was putting into planning. And he pitched in and gently made decisions I couldn’t make myself. That’s when I figured out the secret point of a wedding: If you can survive the wedding planning with acceptance, love and kindness toward each other, you have a great chance of surviving the marriage itself.

Now, I know not everyone necessarily wants to get married, but I think a future event or big life decision like this is worth thinking about as you meet and date: When you look at the person sitting across from you, ask yourself: “How would he or she be through those big decisions? In planning a commitment with each other, creating a home together, building a family, getting the flat tire fixed on a road trip through Italy?” Can you picture this partner at your side, offering acceptance, love and kindness?

Tune into your orange seed on your dates, and see if you feel that acceptance, that love, that kindness. That’s what really counts. Oh, and so does good tequila:

We double-fist beers for the one we love!

You might also like:
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Big love,

Posted in Being yourself, In the big wild world, Optimisms

VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Dance A Cha-Cha!

June 7th, 2010

Your dose for today…

“Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s a cha-cha.” —Robert Brault

Get your dancing shoes on! (Image: Tango shoes in Buenos Aires, by AS)

Turn up the music and get dancing, because that’s how you’re going to see life from today on! True progress in our lives and hearts is not about gaining ground every step we take. It’s about gaining insight. And some of that insight, well, it ain’t pretty.

Think about it: How do you know what kind of job saps your spirit? By punching in your hours on a depressing time clock and promising yourself you’ll find a career that excites your soul. How do you know what kind of relationship you don’t want? By dating someone who makes you feel down on love. You have to take some steps backward in dating to move forward in love! And, now, you know how to look at it. As your heart-pumping cha-cha on the dance floor of life!

Have you ever learned to move forward from taking a few steps back?

You might also like:
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Big love,

Amy Signature 4

Tags: dating, surviving set-backs
Posted in Optimisms, VITAMIN OPTIMISM

VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Dump the parachute!

June 2nd, 2010

Your dose for today…

Where will your optimism take you? (Image: Taking off from Cuzco, Peru, by AS.)

“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.” —Gil Stern

With each passing year comes some disappointment, pain and rejection. And so, we get better and better at mastering one thing: that dang parachute. We think that if we can perfect a safety feature for our emotions, we’ll be protected from hurt and harm. But the truth is, life is going to disappoint us and there’s not a darn thing we can do about that—and a parachute doesn’t stop a fall, it just slows it down! So think of it this way: Since you’ll never be completely protected from a night on the couch crying, why sit around waiting for a clunky fall from the tarmac when you can be enjoying the lofty beautiful feeling of life and love at 30,000 feet?

Be a dating optimist. Get your dreams for love up in the air, above the clouds. Ask for a half-orange in love, larger than you ever dreamed possible. People once said planes couldn’t fly, right? So don’t think for a second that you can’t find love. Today, forget about the parachute, and get your hopes for love higher than ever. Your dream relationship can only come if you’re up there asking for it.

Try it. Then tell me: How does it feel to fly without a parachute?

You might also like:
VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Live, People. Live.
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Big love,

Amy Signature 4

Posted in Optimisms, VITAMIN OPTIMISM

Your “Pretty” Love Place

May 28th, 2010

I was listening to an old Astrud Gilberto album yesterday when I heard a song that really spoke to me. It had such a powerfully optimistic message that I want to pass it on to you. The song is called “Lugar Bonita,” which means “Pretty Place.”

Your pretty place—in love—is ahead of you. (Image: AS)

While I’d heard this song tens of times before, this time I was really listening to the words and I was moved by her optimism. These are the words of a woman moving forward on a path, not knowing exactly what’s at the end, but knowing it will be a pretty place, a happy ending. You can be this woman! (And guys, you can, too!) It just takes saying these same hopeful words enough that you really believe them.

If you have three minutes and nineteen seconds, put on some headphones, close your eyes (or stare at your computer and pretend to be working) and listen to what she’s singing.

Astrud is right:

On the road of life I travel, looking forward, never back,
Looking to that dream before me, leaving old dreams in my track.

Lugar bonita, bonita, it’s a pretty place, I know.
Lugar bonita, bonita, at the end of this road.

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Big love,