With a little help from your friends

Cheering each other on

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

Toils are usually seen as a pretty bad thing, being all about work and witches chants (that whole boiling and bubbling, toiling and troubling thing). Well, I’ve started to see the toils in a new light.

Roll with the rough stuff to get to the good stuff! (Image: AS)

It happened while re-painting my living room wall from a sunshine yellow to a more chill Restoration Hardware “Latte” color. I was giddy about painting for days…until my husband and I officially started the job yesterday by taping up all the edges. Ugh, the taping. What could possibly be good about taping, right? Then it hit me: The fact that I’m taping means I’m really close to the fun part!

In fact, all the super-fun things we do in life require some toils. Throwing a big party: fun! Well, after you do all your shopping and heave a dozen bags from your trunk to the kitchen counter and cook for two days. Going to an amusement park: a blast! You know, after you circle the five-acre parking lot and walk half a mile to the entrance. Having a baby: a miracle! After you survive a few months of waddling and that whole labor thing. And that bursting, goose-bump moment when you realize you really really like your date: priceless! But you only get there after you’ve been through a bunch of bummer dates and some lonely nights leading up to it. Like the cusp of brilliant moments (see: Life’s Most Underrated Moment: “The Cusp”) the toils are something to be grateful for.

The toils and troubles—however small they may be—are not the enemy. They’re the necessary gauntlet to get to something you really want. They’re a sign of great things to come. And it’s the toils that’ll make you appreciate what you get like you never would have before. So the next time you’re trudging to a date, a dinner, a meeting or a hardware store, silently thank the toils for what they really mean: You’re that much closer to the good stuff! You may even be in for fun you forgot was coming. Now that we’ve finished painting the wall, I realize there’s an even better part: peeling the tape off like Elmer’s glue from your hands. Ahhhh.

Big love,

Tags: good stuff, paint, toils
Posted in Being yourself, In the big wild world, Optimisms, With a little help from your friends | Comments Off on The Toils: A Good Thing!

Have You Tried Circuit-Dating?

Wednesday, September 30th, 2009

I like to think I could live on popcorn. But ask me again after I’ve eaten a super combo tub of movie theater popcorn with a few presses of “butter.” The fact is, too much of one good thing is too much.

Heart of all trades! (Image: AS)

As most fitness experts will tell you, for example, circuit training works better than spending all your time doing one single exercise over and over. And more generally, cross-training works well, to: If you’re spending all your time running on the treadmill, for example, you could use some yoga to balance your body and mind out.

It’s like life: If you’re spending all your time working, or all your time partying or all your time zoning out to Hulu, you won’t feel like you’re living a well-rounded life.

And, surprise surprise, the same goes for dating. If you’re looking for all your dates online, or seeking all your dates among your group of friends, or hoping to run into all your dates in your neighborhood, you’re not giving yourself a well-rounded opportunity to meet your half-orange. Try circuit-living and circuit-dating: Branch out!

Spend some time winking to cute folks online. Spend one night over cocktails at a fab spot. Spend one weekend visiting a park in a new neighborhood on a Saturday afternoon for Frisbee. And please, give yourself some time to sit alone on patch of grass under a Dogwood tree with a can’t-put-down book. Dating isn’t just about the face-to-face meetings, the one-on-ones. Dating is also a state of mind. You don’t always have to be “out there” dating to meet the right one. You just have to be living a happy, authentic life. Keep yours vibrant and full so your love life doesn’t get stuck in treadmill mode.

You might also like:
The Coffee Test

Big love,

Tags: butter, circuit-training, cross-training, dating, Hulu, single
Posted in Being yourself, Optimisms, With a little help from your friends | Comments Off on Have You Tried Circuit-Dating?

Whaddaya doin’ New Year’s Eve?

Thursday, September 24th, 2009

I was in line at the drugstore the other day (wait, how funny is that word: drugstore?).

Toast to yourself! (Image: www.freedigitalphotos.net)

Anyway, I heard these two girls talking about a guy who’d sent one of them a perfectly cryptic text message, and how she had decided, “That’s it! I’m over it!” The girl said she wasn’t going to call or text this guy back ever again. Well, as soon as she sent this one last text to put him in his place…

It reminded me that one reason lots of people have trouble embracing the idea of moving forward into a healthy relationship is because they’re still looking back on an old one! That’s where my friend Lisa Steadman, author of It’s a Breakup Not a Breakdown and “heartbreak reinvention coach” comes in.

Lisa is now prepping for one of her next projects, a bootcamp teleclass to “Heal Your Heart by the Holidays.” And to give you a peek into what she means, I love her advice to ask yourself one big question: Where do you want to be by New Year’s Eve?

Here’s some of what Lisa says:

“What do you want to be thinking, feeling and doing on New Year’s Eve? If, today, your thoughts are obsessing about your ex, wondering where he is, who he’s with, what’s happening with him, then you’re far too focused on his future and what will happen for him by New Year’s Eve. What you’ve got to do is take the focus off of your ex, and put it on yourself.”

I think that’s great advice whether you’re trying to take the focus off an ex or a million other things: your boss, your madcap family, your work, or even someone you have a crush on who’s not asking you out. Your happiness is all about you! So whether you’re in a relationship or not by the holidays, whether you’re employed or not, whether you’re balancing a to-do list like a toilet paper roll or not, how do you want to feel in your future? That, my friend, is all up to you.

It’s like what they say to people who are afraid to go to back to school. Sure, you might think, “If I go to grad school now, I won’t graduate until 2014.” So ask yourself: “Well, what will you be doing in 2014 if you don’t go to grad school?” The future is coming whether you like it or not! And you can either picture yourself stuck in a place of uncertainty and insecurity, or you can decide that you will be happy, fulfilled and kicking ass by the time the ball drops. I think confidence and happiness will suit that champagne glass so much better, don’t you?

You might also like:
Michael J. Fox, An Incurable Optimist, Has Dating Advice, Too!

Big love,

Tags: breakup, glad, you can control your attitude
Posted in In the big wild world, Optimisms, With a little help from your friends | Comments Off on Whaddaya doin’ New Year’s Eve?

TimWow is Available Now!

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009

I got a pitch this morning that I just had to share: It’s the story about embracing the humor you need to survive the ups and downs of a search for a mate. It’s the story of “TimWow!”

Tim Goggin, you see, is a 32-year-old single guy in San Diego who was getting so frustrated with dating, he decided to take a bold approach to find the right woman for him by creating an infomercial…on himself! The tactic is hilarious, and the gesture reminded me of something all daters should remember: There are great, smart, kind, lovable, funny people out there looking for relationships. And you never know, you may meet the right one for you in the most surprising way! Watch Tim’s infomercial here:

As Tim says, “Regardless of who you are, finding the love of our life is never easy. Dating is a crazy, bizarre, and wild adventure. That’s why I created this.” It seemed, he says, “the best, most unique medium to reach the right woman.” And though his hard work and passion may be what’s kept him out of the dating game for a while, he hopes it will charm the right woman to him now. “The more you accomplish in your life, the more passions you have, the harder it is to find a partner to match you in those passions,” says Tim. “I need a spectacular woman and I think this might be just the way to meet her.”

You can see more about Tim on his website TimWow.com. If Tim’s your type, act now to get your FREE gift! And even if he isn’t, let his move remind you a few important messages: You’re not alone in wanting love. There are plenty of great single people out there like you with big hearts and great imaginations. And, really, who says you won’t meet your half-orange in an unusually unique “As Seen on TV” kind of way?

In the meantime, while you’re waiting for your dream relationship to come a-knockin’, keep your sense of humor the way Tim has. A good laugh will make your life more worth loving. So will that new Mighty Putty Super Powered Epoxy for home projects big and small, I bet. But the laugh will feel much better.

You might also like:
Time to Un-do an Unrelationship?

Big love and happy viewing,

Tags: adventure, dating, humor, informercial, TimWow
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms, With a little help from your friends | Comments Off on TimWow is Available Now!

The Coffee Test

Monday, August 31st, 2009

If you’re single and seeking love, it’s easy to circle around the same big question: What kind of person are you meant to be with? I mean, we all have different aspects to our personalities, right? Sometimes I crave sushi at a hip spot, sometimes I want ribs from a dive place. Some nights I’m up for a big party, and others I’d prefer laying in bed reading a Harry Potter book (I’m still only halfway through, but determined to finish).

Friendship + something steamy = a great relationship!

With such divergent desires in life, how can you know what partner would be right for you? In fact, some days it begs an even bigger question: Who are you, really? Well, my answer to you is this: You’re the person you are when you hang out with your best friend—the person who represents what I like to call, “The Coffee Test.”

I’m talking about your main BFF—the one friend doesn’t mind if you pick up a dropped piece of pizza cheese off the table and eat it. The friend you’re not embarrassed to say, “Ooh, stop!” as they scroll past a cheesy movie with the TV remote. No judgments, no masks, no hard work.

Think about how relaxed you are with your best friend. How you can roll out of bed some grumbling Saturday morning, put on some sweats, and meet up at a coffee shop where you’ll share a few funny recaps—or maybe just a few grunts. That calm, laid-back easygoing version of you in the coffee shop? That’s how you want to feel when you’re sitting across from the love of your life.

Because really, why get yourself into a relationship in which you’ll have to exert extra effort pretending that you’re funnier or more outgoing or less chatty or needier more well-spoken or more cool or fabulous than you are in your everyday life?

Yes, we all have different aspects to us depending on the hour. But the fact is this: You want a relationship in which you are the best, happiest, more chilled out, normal, calm you you can be. And the person you are when you’re chilling in a coffee shop blowing on your latte so you don’t get fuzzy tongue? That’s the version of yourself you should be showing the world most. Give yourself “the coffee test” with your best pal to see what you’re really like in your own, relaxed happy skin. You may get a jolt of understanding with your espresso.

Big love,