Optimisms
Cheering each other on
The Big Wedding Test: Acceptance, Love & Kindness
A friend of mine is getting married soon, and it reminds me how much I learned about relationships in the days between dating and “I Do.” And I think it can help you to think about one particular element of this as you seek your half-orange.
I consider myself a really laid back girl. The only time that my laidbackness stood up and screamed was when I was planning my wedding.
It started off so chill, it really did. We booked our barefoot-on-the-beach-in-Mexico locations over the internet, signed up a mariachi band and hoped the tequila would blur any parts of the event that went wrong. (And, oh, did it.) But part way through the wedding planning process, “it” hit. The “it” that makes Bridezillas a ratings baby hit me, too. And I’ll tell you what that “it” is: pressure. A whole big pile of pressure sitting on one person’s shoulders.
As embarrassed as I am to say so, I found myself more than a few times curled up and sobbing in the fetal position. Not because I cared what color flowers we had or what brand of tequila (duh, the best!), but because I was overwhelmed by having to plan an event for the strangest audience ever: I mean, what food, music and drinks do a 7o-year-old from Florida, a 32-year-old fashionista from NYC and an 8-year-old kid from Connecticut really have in common?
Here's me and the hubby on the Playa del Carmen beach. Will he hold your hand through tough choices?
What saved me was my now-husband. He was a gift through it all. He affirmed that we were making the right choices. He said he was grateful for the hard work I was putting into planning. And he pitched in and gently made decisions I couldn’t make myself. That’s when I figured out the secret point of a wedding: If you can survive the wedding planning with acceptance, love and kindness toward each other, you have a great chance of surviving the marriage itself.
Now, I know not everyone necessarily wants to get married, but I think a future event or big life decision like this is worth thinking about as you meet and date: When you look at the person sitting across from you, ask yourself: “How would he or she be through those big decisions? In planning a commitment with each other, creating a home together, building a family, getting the flat tire fixed on a road trip through Italy?” Can you picture this partner at your side, offering acceptance, love and kindness?
Tune into your orange seed on your dates, and see if you feel that acceptance, that love, that kindness. That’s what really counts. Oh, and so does good tequila:
We double-fist beers for the one we love!
You might also like:
The House Hunt: The Gunk and the Good
Big love,
VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Dance A Cha-Cha!
Your dose for today…
“Optimist: someone who figures that taking a step backward after taking a step forward is not a disaster, it’s a cha-cha.” —Robert Brault
Get your dancing shoes on! (Image: Tango shoes in Buenos Aires, by AS)
Turn up the music and get dancing, because that’s how you’re going to see life from today on! True progress in our lives and hearts is not about gaining ground every step we take. It’s about gaining insight. And some of that insight, well, it ain’t pretty.
Think about it: How do you know what kind of job saps your spirit? By punching in your hours on a depressing time clock and promising yourself you’ll find a career that excites your soul. How do you know what kind of relationship you don’t want? By dating someone who makes you feel down on love. You have to take some steps backward in dating to move forward in love! And, now, you know how to look at it. As your heart-pumping cha-cha on the dance floor of life!
Have you ever learned to move forward from taking a few steps back?
You might also like:
Flipping It: The Chancleta “Flip Flop” Story
VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Your Future Will Kick Ass
Big love,
VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Dump the parachute!
Your dose for today…
Where will your optimism take you? (Image: Taking off from Cuzco, Peru, by AS.)
“Both optimists and pessimists contribute to our society. The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.” —Gil Stern
With each passing year comes some disappointment, pain and rejection. And so, we get better and better at mastering one thing: that dang parachute. We think that if we can perfect a safety feature for our emotions, we’ll be protected from hurt and harm. But the truth is, life is going to disappoint us and there’s not a darn thing we can do about that—and a parachute doesn’t stop a fall, it just slows it down! So think of it this way: Since you’ll never be completely protected from a night on the couch crying, why sit around waiting for a clunky fall from the tarmac when you can be enjoying the lofty beautiful feeling of life and love at 30,000 feet?
Be a dating optimist. Get your dreams for love up in the air, above the clouds. Ask for a half-orange in love, larger than you ever dreamed possible. People once said planes couldn’t fly, right? So don’t think for a second that you can’t find love. Today, forget about the parachute, and get your hopes for love higher than ever. Your dream relationship can only come if you’re up there asking for it.
Try it. Then tell me: How does it feel to fly without a parachute?
You might also like:
VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Live, People. Live.
VITAMIN OPTIMISM: Explore. Dream. Discover.
Big love,
Your “Pretty” Love Place
I was listening to an old Astrud Gilberto album yesterday when I heard a song that really spoke to me. It had such a powerfully optimistic message that I want to pass it on to you. The song is called “Lugar Bonita,” which means “Pretty Place.”
Your pretty place—in love—is ahead of you. (Image: AS)
While I’d heard this song tens of times before, this time I was really listening to the words and I was moved by her optimism. These are the words of a woman moving forward on a path, not knowing exactly what’s at the end, but knowing it will be a pretty place, a happy ending. You can be this woman! (And guys, you can, too!) It just takes saying these same hopeful words enough that you really believe them.
If you have three minutes and nineteen seconds, put on some headphones, close your eyes (or stare at your computer and pretend to be working) and listen to what she’s singing.
Astrud is right:
On the road of life I travel, looking forward, never back,
Looking to that dream before me, leaving old dreams in my track.
Lugar bonita, bonita, it’s a pretty place, I know.
Lugar bonita, bonita, at the end of this road.
You might also like:
The Jazz Effect: Take a Risk!
No More Drama
Big love,
LOST: What Can You “Let Go” Of?
This should go without saying, but if you haven’t watched the Lost finale and don’t want anything spoiled…you probably shouldn’t read this. It would be a shame, because this is a damn good post, but I don’t want to be “that person” to you. Watch..then read!
I’m still sad about the end of Lost. And since, all these days later, I still can’t stop choking up when I think about it, I thought I’d give one final thank you to the show for leaving us with something so powerful to think about. In short, these two words, which can provide a world of peace to all of us: Let go.
Jack was holding it all in. Are you?
Yes, there were many threads left hanging following the finale (in fact, College Humor .com did a hilarious video about the Unanswered Lost Questions). Reviewer Tim Goodman put it this way in The San Francisco Chronicle: “As a series finale it overjoyed the heart and annoyed the brain.” So well said.
What I choose to take from the show is, of course, that big “heart” part. And what I choose to remember are the calm, knowing smiles on the faces of our favorite Lost characters as they sat in the church and went so happily into the light.
For those who didn’t follow the show, the finale revealed that a “sideways” alternate universe on the show was basically Jack’s purgatory. And within it, it was each Lost character’s path to come to their own moving revelation of who they’d been to one another and where they were meant to be. The most moving of these moments, in my opinion, was when Sun and Jin’s understanding settled in while she was getting her ultrasound. (Of course, give me Sun and that “cry now!” Lost music and I’m a goner).
The minute each character recognized their past life, their match, their purpose, you could see the calmness on their faces, feel it coming from their souls: They’d let go. They were giving in to their future. Jack was the last one to figure it out. And when Kate held his face in her hands to welcome him to their destiny, you could see how hard he was fighting it, how unready he was to accept the truth. But when we saw how happy Kate was about it, we knew he’d be in so much more peace if he’d just let go.
So it made me think: What can each of us let go of? In dating, if you’re single, I ask you this:
Can you let go of a past that has hurt you? A past that may have caused you to put your guard up and keep it that way? Let go. The next single man or woman who smiles at you, don’t assume they’re out to hurt you or use you. Let go. Let people in.
Can you let go of the perfect picture you have of your future mate? The image you’ve formed of what he or she looks like, how tall they are, what job they have? Let go. The next person you meet in a romantic way, look into their eyes and heart instead of at their clothes. Let go. See how you feel when you’re with them.
Can you let go of the panic that you might end up alone, forever? That stress you’re holding in your body, that worry you carry in your face? Let go. Give a nod to the universe that what is best for your love life will come as it should. Let go. Your other half is out there and will come your way when you are both ready for one another.
Me, I’m going to keep thinking about what I need to let go of in my life, too. Perhaps I need to let go of my quest for perfection that holds me back with fear when I think I can’t live up to it. Perhaps I can let go of being my own worst critic both physically and emotionally.
Letting go is a step to your happiness.
My point is, we all have things we can let go of. By doing so, by letting go, we’ll all feel lighter, calmer, happier and so much more at peace. If you watch the show, think of the looks on the faces of those Lost characters—how calm and content they were to know that they were just where they were supposed to be. With love and others in their lives. At total peace.
We need to give ourselves up to this world that wants the best for us. Loosen your grip, pay attention, accept what’s meant to be yours. Let go.
Tell me: What do you want to let go of? And how will this help you if you do?
Big love,
..
..
..
You might also like:
Get Un-Lost: Nothing’s Irreversible
Head-to-Head: LOST vs. MYHO (Meeting Your Half-Orange)
And…if you still have a little Lost fever, watch the Jimmy Kimmel Aloha to Lost episode. And, thanks to my husband, I’m now a fan of The Sports Guy Bill Simmons, who did this podcast, The B.S. Report 5/24, all about the finale.
Follow me on Facebook 
Grab the Feed (RSS)
Email Amy