Optimisms
Cheering each other on
Dexter and You: Take Your “Leap of Faith”
Gosh, how I love Dexter. And if you haven’t watched it yet, it’s worth a Netflix Season One rental because you will—against your better judgment—find yourself rooting for this serial killer with a big heart. Especially because, in between stalking his next prey, he even provides us with insightful love advice.
Dexter's nanny takes a leap of faith
Last night, two characters talked about taking the “leap of faith.” First, Dexter’s new nanny, who agreed to give Dexter’s household another chance after quitting, if only to take a leap of faith that it would work out better this time. Dexter, in turn, told the girl who witnessed his last kill—Lumen Pierce, played by Julia Stiles—that the he would let her go, in the hopes that she wouldn’t tell others what she’d seen. “It’s a leap of faith,” he said.
And that is what it takes when you’re looking for love, too. Sometimes in life, there’s just so much you can do to make things happen. In love, you can plan dates, initiate contact, beg for set-ups, hit events, introduce yourself and be proactive in meeting potential love interests. In life, you can make that call, submit that application, try alternative therapies, reach out to your network, beg for help and be proactive in getting what you need done. But then there’s a point in both love and life when when you need to take a deep breath, throw out your arms and give the dating or the project up to the universe. You need to let go and take the leap of faith that the universe will carry you a little further in the right direction. And this is what we should all do today.
Give yourself a break for a minute. If you want love or something in life badly enough, I’m sure you’ve been working your butt off in different ways to get it. So today, I want you to throw it out to the universe, which is larger than yourself and all of us. Take the leap of faith that if you are focusing on what you want with all of your heart and glowing with your authentic happiness, then what is meant to happen for you will happen. Your path will become clear. Ideas will spring to mind. People will pop up in your life. Opportunities will come.
I’m going to do it, too, in my own way. Let’s take the leap of faith together today. At least for just this one day, let’s give it up to the universe and have faith that it will take care of us. It’s not easy, but, hey, that’s why they call it a leap.
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Love Lesson from a Serial Killer
Big love,
The Fork
I was talking to a single friend of mine who brought up the fork in the road that so many singles hit. Her fork went like this:
You have two choices when you're single. Choose the path of "more." (Image by Amy Spencer)
“I haven’t been able to find what I want in love, so I guess I’m wanting too much.”
“The road you should take isn’t the one in which you want less,” I said. “The road you should take is the one in which you want more.”
“More?” she said. “But I haven’t gotten any of it yet, so why would I ask for more?”
What I told her is what I’ll tell you: If you take the road in which you ask for “less” in love, you’ll be less excited about getting it, which makes you more negative and less hopeful in life—less of yourself. The less you are, the less you get.
But if, on the other hand, you start upping your wants, you start getting excited about getting it all, which makes you more positive and hopeful in life—more of yourself. And the more you are, the more you get!
Dating optimism is about using your energy for the best and creating a buzz inside of you that radiates out to all the people you meet, drawing in the most positive things around you. The stronger your buzz, the more you’ll be led in the right directions: You’ll want to pop into the smoothie shop on the way to work, and you’ll want to get together with that new friend for a glass of wine, you’ll want to hit that lecture you got a mailer for at work. The greater your buzz, the more you’ll feel inspired and hopeful, and the more you’ll choose the experiences that will lead you toward your healthy relationship.
So. If you ask for less than you want in love, how big will your buzz be? Not very. But if you ask for more in love, you can build off your excitement and bring you all you want. Choose the path of more: Ask for a partner who listens, likes you, makes you laugh, and thinks you’re brilliant and sexy at the same time. With buzz like that, you’ll be heading closer to love, not further away.
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10 Reasons Not to Settle In Love
Big love,
“I met an attractive and intelligent woman and we seemed to be hitting it off. Then I commented that she had a ‘really nice hourglass figure’ and she told me I was being inappropriate and–WHAP!–she slapped me! Should I send her an apology note?” —K.
Hi K.,
Well that’s an odd exchange for sure! In short, I guess I’d say it can’t hurt to email her to apologize, but you shouldn’t expect her to write back with a chipper reply.
I can understand her finding the “hourglass figure” compliment not 100% flattering, but if you were truly complimenting her, I’m surprised it turned out that way. I’m guessing it was a “you had to be there” moment in which perhaps your tone wasn’t coming across the way you meant it. Or, perhaps she had insecurity issues about her figure to start with that led the conversation to go so haywire. I mean…a slap?! That’s very strange. So I’m guessing she thought you were making fun of her or messing with her in some way. That’s what a slap would be for: if she was sensing disrespect. In your version of the story, I don’t feel that you were disrespecting her, but her version might be different. These “He Said She Said” stories are tough!
So, that all said, if it makes you feel better to email her and apologize for inadvertently hurting her feelings, I think you should go ahead and do it. It sounds like one of those things that might eat at you if you don’t. But expect that she might ignore it or even give you another “verbal” slap. Who knows, it could turn out great, but just don’t expect it to. So I’d keep it short and sweet if you send it. Do it for yourself and not for what you expect from her in return.
And I guess this one goes down in your books as a reminder that when you compliment a woman next time, you keep it entirely, completely, utterly positive!
—Amy
WIN a FREE copy of Meeting Your Half-Orange!
Happy Friday, people.
If you’re a single parent, I contributed to a new Parenting.com story that’s chock full of my dating advice for you. Even if you’re not a parent, there’s some insight here about where to meet the right partner and just how honest you should be on your online profile (it’s all about where you focus the lens as you tell the truth). I think it’s pretty good stuff, but check it out and see what you think.
Just click on Amy’s Dating Tips for Single Parents or click the image of the story below to be directed there.
Plus, if you don’t yet have a copy of my book, or you really want another to give to a good friend who could use a dose of the orange buzz, check out this fun Parenting.com Book Giveaway. Just share your worst or funniest dating disaster and you’ll be entered to win.
And while you’re at it, enjoy the dating success story of single mom writer Christine Coppa. But I warn you, her posts are addicting…
Big love,
An Optimist Tosses Her Dating Books!
I wanted to share this story I just came across from writer Abigail Pickus, who writes a column for The Jewish Week about her dating life called “Abigail in Love (maybe).” In this column called “Am I Still a Dating Optimist if I Throw Away All of My Dating Books?” as she talks about reading my book as well as others, I think you’ll appreciate her frustration with not just dating, but dating books that tell you how to do dating right.
In the end, Abigail says she’s decided that because even Meeting Your Half-Orange, which she liked, doesn’t have the formula for love, she’s going to live her single life without dating books from now on. As she writes:
“In other words, people, I am done with all the dating books. Even the nice ones. From now on I am only reading books that are going to engage my mind and imagination – not give me another formula for finding love. That I will just have to leave to fate.”
What do I love so much about a cool woman who isn’t saying, “Run and buy this book”? That, inadverently, she’s come to the conclusion to live her life in the way I want all of you to. She’s not going to obsess over her dates and her single status. She’s not going to scan online for advice on how to flirt her way to marriage. And she’s not going to buy a book a week on how to change herself for the right guy. Instead, she’s going to read and do things that engage her mind—in other words, she’s going to engage in what Meeting Your Half-Orange readers know are “gratifications,” those activities that make you feel smart and strong and fulfilled. Follow Abigail’s lead and make those same day to day choices for yourself that lead to eudaimonia, the gratifying happiness of being satisfied as your true self.
If you’re feeling like this writer and want to just toss your books into the trash, go ahead and do it! (Be gentle with mine, though, would you?) Then start fresh by living your day to day the way you want to. Read the books you want. Watch the movies on your Netflix list. Make the vacation plan you’ve been putting off until you met “the right person.” The more you live life as your true self and the more truly, eudaimonically happy you are, the better the energy you’re putting out there, and the easier it will be for your half-orange to recognize you as the happy, kick-ass person you are.
Big love,
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