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Cheering each other on

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

I’m loving how good Ugly Betty is so far this season—and how cute they’ve let her look. Love the side swept bangs, right?

Betty makes a beautiful entrance (Image: ABC.com)

And this past week, I had to give it to Betty when she attended a charity function at her editor in chief’s apartment all by herself because she couldn’t find anyone to go with. Oh, Betty, have I been there…

At one point in the scene, she was sitting with her family saying that she’d rather stay home alone than walk into a party by herself. Luckily, her family changed her mind, and she dressed up as her most fab little self, showed up at the front door, and when they asked who was with her, Betty smiled and said:

“Just me. I’m my own plus one.”

Sure, she was feeling awkward and lonely and a bit like a loser. But guess what? We’ve all been in that place. We don’t come out of the womb in a happy relationship. We all come out alone. Then we learn to face the world strong and proud until we find that special someone who makes us shine even brighter.

And the next time you’re feeling like Betty—alone, adrift, awkward—do what she did. Find something you love and dive into it. For Betty, she found a song she loved, and danced the way you wanted to Billy Idol as he sang: “I was dancing with my self. If I had the chance I’d ask the world to dance.”

Don’t walk through today or tomorrow hunting for a plus one. Decide like Betty did to be your own plus one. Find what makes you feel happy and fulfilled and ask the world to dance. Because that’s precisely what’s going to show your future plus one what a party in life you have ahead of you!

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Big love,

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The World Series of Love

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009

I’m not much a baseball person. I was, for some reason, a fan of the 1980-ish Yankees, and spent a few yearsof my adolescence with photos of Bucky Dent, Ron Guidry, Willie Randolf, Greg Nettles, Bobby Murcer, Reggie Jackson and my sigh-inducing favorite at the time, catcher Rick Cerone, taped to my bedroom wall.

My old Yankee crush

Oh, and when my photographer father snapped the Yankees for work at Newsday, he brought me home a hat signed “Rick Cerone #10”! I cherished it for years…until I lost it. I mean, who loses that?

Annnnyway, I’ve been watching some of the Yankees v. Phillies World Series this week, and by “some of” I mean I mostly tune in to the 8th or 9th inning to see what’s up. But, of course, for the last two games, the 9th inning has been where the biggest nail-biting action comes in. And it was while the camera was panning the crowd the past few nights—showing Phillie fans last night with quivering worry brows and pursed lips, some of them nibbling on their nails with utter fear as Johnny Damon (mmmm, Johnny Damon) came up to bat with two outs—that I realized: In baseball, people love the tension of not knowing what’s going to happen. Maybe it’s time to turn some of the nail-biting you feel about not-knowing in love into that same excitement!

I know it can feel awful sometimes, the not-knowing. I remember thinking many times while I was single, I just want to know who or when it’s going to be, and then I’ll be okay. Because if you know it’s going to happen, you can relax, right? Well, guess what? You can decide it is going to happen. But as for the who and when? Like the score of the next World Series game, it’s the not knowing that makes it all so magical.

Happy, jaw-dropping endings only happen after a little nail-biting, when you can leap up in relief or surprise—the big hooplah that comes after surviving all that nervous hell. Your celebration will come, so enjoy the whole game it takes to get you there.

Big love and happy baseball,

Tags: baseball
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Cougar Town Tip: Do You Need to Cut the Strings?

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

You’ve seen those marionette puppets, of course. The ones with twenty strings connected to their arms, head and feet so a puppeteer can make them tap dance across the floor to great applause? Well, I hate to be this blunt, but if you’re mentally stuck at all on a guy or girl who isn’t dying to be in a relationship with you, you’re as good as those puppets getting dragged across the floor doing goofy things.

And you don’t have to be watching I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant to know that the metaphor also holds for babies stuck to their umbilical cords. (But, may I just say it’s one of the best shows ever on TLC, so you really should be watching it! And that link is hilariously the schedule for this week’s airings.) But let’s just stick with strings…

Someone needed the strings cut (Image: ABC.com/Karen Neal)

I was watching Cougar Town last night when Courteney Cox’s character Jules realized she needed to cut the strings for the young guy she’s been dating—Josh—so he wouldn’t remain caught up on her. (Such a better problem to have, right?) This is how she said it:

“The last thing you wanna do is keep that door open. If you give a guy any strings to hold onto, you just know he’ll cling to them forever.”

Ah yes, the clinging. I have been there. Sure, you may say you’re over someone and really believe it. You may text them less, check their Facebook updates less, even think about them a few times less a day. But if you still have any romantic feelings for a person who isn’t returning them—if you’re putting any eggs in that basket at all—then you are no better than a puppet stuck to a master. Even if you cut nineteen of those twenty marionette strings, you still can’t get far enough away to get off their stage.

So if you feel like you might actually be strung up a bit, do yourself a favor: Cut the final strings! Stop calling the puppeteer. Stop texting. Stop emailing. Stop going to parties where you think he or she will be. Stop making the puppeteer an option in your life and open yourself up to the rest of the world—because that’s where you’re going to find someone who does love and care for you as much as you love and care for them! You don’t deserve to be strung to someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You deserve to be free and happy and living your full, awesome life! You deserve to be dancing without strings toward the partner who is right for you. Free yourself so you can be.

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Big love and happy dancing,

Tags: Cougar Town, dating, frustrating, hold and cold guy
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Love Lesson from a Serial Killer

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Did I just say a serial killer? Well, yes. Because Dexter Morgan is no ordinary serial killer.
Michael_C._Hall_in_Dexter_TV_Series_Wallpaper_6_800 And if you don’t know who or what Dexter is, check it out on Showtime, or rent the first seasons on DVD, because it’s tremendously gripping and moving and fun, and every week leaves you thinking, Am I really rooting for a serial killer to not get caught?

This last week’s episode—without giving much away to those of you who TiVo or save up to watch marathons—had one of the most touching, tear-inducing scenes I’ve seen in four seasons when Dexter’s sister Deb stood in a parking lot crying because she thought she was “broken” in relationships.

This is what Deb—played incredibly this week by Jennifer Carpenter—said to Dexter (played by Michael C. Hall) as she tried to breathe through her sobs:

“It doesn’t matter what I do or what I choose. I’m what’s wrong. Nothing I can do about it. If I’m not hurting myself, I’m hurting everyone around me. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m broken.”

Deb (played by Jennifer Carpenter): A great cop, a broken heart

There was no happy ending line that made everything right for her heart this episode, but I’m mentioning it because that’s sometimes how life is: Sometimes things hurt so bad you think you’ll never get over it. Sometimes bad things happen that you have no control over, or you can’t explain. And sometimes we all feel “broken,” like we can’t get anything right and we’re doomed to failure and feeling alone.

But please know that if you ever feel as low as Deb expressed in this episode: Tears and fear are part of the path of life—and proof that you’re healthy and emotionally advanced. You can’t feel great happiness unless you’re able to feel great pain. And the way I see it, if you’re feeling pain now, it means the happiness is on the other end of the seesaw just waiting to take its turn.

Whitney Houston says it best in her song “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength”:

“Survived the darkest hour, my faith kept me alive, I picked myself back up, hold my head up high,

I was not built to break. I didn’t know my own strength.“

Whether you’re facing a heartwrenching, life-altering time or just having a really, really, really bad day when it feels like your half-orange in love will never come your way, it’s part of life’s path for you. If you can feel this deeply in sadness, you can feel this deeply in love. And Whitney’s right: You were not built to break.

Too bad we all don’t have a Dexter who can try to heal our pain…by killing the bad people who hurt us! (Watch out Trinity…)

Big love,

Tags: Deb, Dexter
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The Don’ts of Liz Lemon’s Dealbreakers

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

I really hope you’re watching 30 Rock. Because other than Jack Donaghy’s dry wit, Kenneth’s cartoonishly eager face, Jenna’s hopelessly hopeful career, and Tracy’s lunatic antics, my favorite part is watching Liz Lemon navigate the world of being single.

Don't take dealbreakers too far (Image: NBC.com)

On last night’s episode, Liz (played by the show’s creator Tina Fey) published a book called Dealbreakers: A Girl’s Guide to Shutting it Down. I laughed out loud, of course, at the ones on her list, like, “If your man is over thirty and still wears a nametag to work, that’s a dealbreaker!” and “If your man has seven cell phones but won’t give you any of their numbers, that’s a dealbreaker!” You can see more items on the list at NBC’s Dealbreakers site—and most are so far out there (“If your man appears on “To Catch a Predator” on Dateline, that’s a dealbreaker!”) we can’t help but agree. But I gotta say, as much as I love Liz Lemon, I don’t love all her dealbreakers.

Why? Put simply, if you’re focused on what’s not going to work in a relationship, then the negatives are all you’re going to see! Look at the subtitle of the book: a guide to shutting it down. Hilarious, of course, I get that. But in real life, haven’t you shut enough down? Your dates, your attitude, your heart, your hope? Think about opening up, instead. Open up to the possibility that perhaps the most perfect man for you—kind-hearted, supportive, sexy, driven and funny—just happens to want to “ride you home on his handlebars.” And guys, maybe the perfect woman—warm, beautiful, quirky and smart—just happens to “collect action figures.” Please: Don’t count people out of your life before they’ve even stepped into it.

Now I do think it’s important to look at your life in the big picture and make note of the big dealbreakers. If you desperately want a family and the man you’re dating doesn’t want children, yeah, that is a dealbreaker. If you’re a deeply religious person and the date you’re with is adamantly opposed to what you believe in, yeah, another dealbreaker. But when it comes to someone’s personality traits—to the food they eat, the movies they watch, the shoes they wear—these don’t define a whole person. And maybe what you thought was a dealbreaker at first will turn out to be something you can embrace as the lovable quirk in the person who’s so perfectly meant for you.

Enjoy the show, laugh at the book, and—as Liz Lemon says—”if your man has appeared on Maury to take a paternity test,” he’s probably not the right guy for you. But after you laugh your way through the episode and her “book,” stop looking for ways to shut it down, and start looking for ways to open up. Love likes to surprise us, remember. Let it.

But I’m also curious to hear what you think about Liz’s dealbreakers: Have you been burned by not having them? Are there some you’d never give in on? Or have you scrapped your list altogether?

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Big love and let me know,