2009 October — The Life Optimist

Archive for October, 2009

Take My Halloween Dating Test!

Friday, October 30th, 2009

I have a theory about Halloween: It’s the one day out of the year when you can don the costume of any character in life…and this says a lot about what you need in love.

A great jack-o-lantern I found online (I wish I knew who carved it!)

Think about it: Brunettes can go blonde. Short girls can wear towering heels. Guys who played on the football team can wear ladies’ dresses and lipstick. And women who wear stuffy suits to the office can show up at a party in short skirts as “sexy flight attendants” or “sexy nurses” or “sexy sanitation workers” for that matter.

What’s my theory? That the one costume you’re most dying to slip into is the one of a role you don’t feel often enough—which means it’s something you should seek out more of as you look for your ideal relationship. If you think about it, it’s not just “witch”-ful thinking.

So here’s the test: What costume were you thinking about this year? And now that you think about it…what do you think this says about the role you don’t play often enough?

Are you a…brunette who wants to go blonde? If so, you’re probably women who feel they don’t break out of their safe, predictable, smart shell often enough. If this sounds like you, perhaps it’s time you started seeking a relationship that made you feel a bit more alive.

Are you a…short girl who wants to wear high heels? If so, you’re probably tired of playing the “cute” and “small” role and want to feel bolder and taller and bigger every now and then. If this is you, perhaps you should seek a relationship with someone who isn’t patting you on the head, but sees you as a force to be reckoned with.

Are you a…person who wants to dress wacky for a laugh? If so, you may be someone who likes being known for your brainac ideas or wacky point of view or flat-out goofy look. And maybe Halloween is your one time to shine. If this is you, you should make sure that the people you date think you’re God’s gift to comedy. Because if someone doesn’t think your jokes are funny now, things will get unfunny pretty fast. Make ’em laugh on Halloween and every holiday to come.

Are you…a guy who wants to dress like a girl? Sure, most guys will say it’s just for the joke, but deep down (really deep down, maybe) they may also be so tired of being so manly and tough and strong; maybe they like the feeling of being lighter and more feminine for just one day. If this is you (shhh, I won’t tell anyone), perhaps you’re ready for a woman who can pull out that soft side from within you, who puts you in touch with your real feelings.

Are you a…woman who wants to wear a “sexy” costume? Well, that’s probably something we all want a little more of in life and love. And I think we all deserve to get it! So be sure to find a partner who thinks you are sexy as hell whether you’re dressed like a flight attendant or you’re wearing your sweats to bed.

Whatever your costume this year, have a boo-tiful weekend, eat as many Reeses cups as you can, and toast the pumpkin seeds for a few seconds longer than you think you should. Mmmm, toasty. And let your potential costume guide you even closer to the person you’re most meant to be with.

You might also like:
Take the Menu Challenge
The Coffee Test
The Freakin’ Fun Dating List

Big love and big BOOOO!

Tags: halloween
Posted in Being yourself, Optimisms | Comments Off on Take My Halloween Dating Test!

Cougar Town Tip: Do You Need to Cut the Strings?

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

You’ve seen those marionette puppets, of course. The ones with twenty strings connected to their arms, head and feet so a puppeteer can make them tap dance across the floor to great applause? Well, I hate to be this blunt, but if you’re mentally stuck at all on a guy or girl who isn’t dying to be in a relationship with you, you’re as good as those puppets getting dragged across the floor doing goofy things.

And you don’t have to be watching I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant to know that the metaphor also holds for babies stuck to their umbilical cords. (But, may I just say it’s one of the best shows ever on TLC, so you really should be watching it! And that link is hilariously the schedule for this week’s airings.) But let’s just stick with strings…

Someone needed the strings cut (Image: ABC.com/Karen Neal)

I was watching Cougar Town last night when Courteney Cox’s character Jules realized she needed to cut the strings for the young guy she’s been dating—Josh—so he wouldn’t remain caught up on her. (Such a better problem to have, right?) This is how she said it:

“The last thing you wanna do is keep that door open. If you give a guy any strings to hold onto, you just know he’ll cling to them forever.”

Ah yes, the clinging. I have been there. Sure, you may say you’re over someone and really believe it. You may text them less, check their Facebook updates less, even think about them a few times less a day. But if you still have any romantic feelings for a person who isn’t returning them—if you’re putting any eggs in that basket at all—then you are no better than a puppet stuck to a master. Even if you cut nineteen of those twenty marionette strings, you still can’t get far enough away to get off their stage.

So if you feel like you might actually be strung up a bit, do yourself a favor: Cut the final strings! Stop calling the puppeteer. Stop texting. Stop emailing. Stop going to parties where you think he or she will be. Stop making the puppeteer an option in your life and open yourself up to the rest of the world—because that’s where you’re going to find someone who does love and care for you as much as you love and care for them! You don’t deserve to be strung to someone who doesn’t want to be with you. You deserve to be free and happy and living your full, awesome life! You deserve to be dancing without strings toward the partner who is right for you. Free yourself so you can be.

You might also like:
The Grey‘s Way: How Not to Get a Date

Big love and happy dancing,

Tags: Cougar Town, dating, frustrating, hold and cold guy
Posted in It's on TV | Comments Off on Cougar Town Tip: Do You Need to Cut the Strings?

Love Lesson from a Serial Killer

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

Did I just say a serial killer? Well, yes. Because Dexter Morgan is no ordinary serial killer.
Michael_C._Hall_in_Dexter_TV_Series_Wallpaper_6_800 And if you don’t know who or what Dexter is, check it out on Showtime, or rent the first seasons on DVD, because it’s tremendously gripping and moving and fun, and every week leaves you thinking, Am I really rooting for a serial killer to not get caught?

This last week’s episode—without giving much away to those of you who TiVo or save up to watch marathons—had one of the most touching, tear-inducing scenes I’ve seen in four seasons when Dexter’s sister Deb stood in a parking lot crying because she thought she was “broken” in relationships.

This is what Deb—played incredibly this week by Jennifer Carpenter—said to Dexter (played by Michael C. Hall) as she tried to breathe through her sobs:

“It doesn’t matter what I do or what I choose. I’m what’s wrong. Nothing I can do about it. If I’m not hurting myself, I’m hurting everyone around me. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m broken.”

Deb (played by Jennifer Carpenter): A great cop, a broken heart

There was no happy ending line that made everything right for her heart this episode, but I’m mentioning it because that’s sometimes how life is: Sometimes things hurt so bad you think you’ll never get over it. Sometimes bad things happen that you have no control over, or you can’t explain. And sometimes we all feel “broken,” like we can’t get anything right and we’re doomed to failure and feeling alone.

But please know that if you ever feel as low as Deb expressed in this episode: Tears and fear are part of the path of life—and proof that you’re healthy and emotionally advanced. You can’t feel great happiness unless you’re able to feel great pain. And the way I see it, if you’re feeling pain now, it means the happiness is on the other end of the seesaw just waiting to take its turn.

Whitney Houston says it best in her song “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength”:

“Survived the darkest hour, my faith kept me alive, I picked myself back up, hold my head up high,

I was not built to break. I didn’t know my own strength.“

Whether you’re facing a heartwrenching, life-altering time or just having a really, really, really bad day when it feels like your half-orange in love will never come your way, it’s part of life’s path for you. If you can feel this deeply in sadness, you can feel this deeply in love. And Whitney’s right: You were not built to break.

Too bad we all don’t have a Dexter who can try to heal our pain…by killing the bad people who hurt us! (Watch out Trinity…)

Big love,

Tags: Deb, Dexter
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on Love Lesson from a Serial Killer

You’re So Hot

Tuesday, October 27th, 2009

We all go through those days where we’re hating how we look—the ol’, “Ugh, there’s nothing flattering in my closet, and even if there was, I don’t fit into it anyway.”

You shine more than you know

And if people you’re meeting aren’t jumping at the chance to jump all over you, it’s easy to wonder if anyone will ever find you as hot as you deserve to feel. Well, it’s time to do a reality check on how gorgeous and awesome you really are.

Here’s one way to do it: Ask yourself this: “Do you have any attractive friends? Just one pal who is cute or sexy or crazy-beautiful with confidence?” Then congratulations, you’re hot!

University of Wisconsin researcher April Bleske-Recheck, Ph.D., conducted a study some months back that found humans tend to socialize in a similar-looking social network. It creates competition, she says, but it also attracts similar-looking mates, which is a benefit much greater than the competition.

Ahhh, so there you have it. Women, you’re as cute and sexy and crazy-beautiful as any of those women you work with or hang around with. Guys, you’re as cool and hot as any of the men in your social circle, too. And as soon as someone worthy of you comes along, he or she will notice what makes you stand out from your group in just the right way. They’ll see you as hotter than the rest, inside and out. Remind yourself of that every single day.

You might also like:
Be Happy That…
3 Big Reasons Your Life Rocks (Yes, Your Life!)

Big love,

Tags: attractive, friends
Posted in Being yourself, Optimisms, With a little help from your friends | Comments Off on You’re So Hot

Your U2 Moment of Surrender

Monday, October 26th, 2009

I went to the U2 concert in the Pasadena Rose Bowl last night. And man, it was a show in the U2 tent before we even set foot in the stadium: Ewan McGregor, Colin Farrell, Chris O’Donnell, Cindi Crawford, Barbra Streisand—Barbra Streisand!—Buzz Aldrin, Slash, Angie Harmon, Pierce Brosnan, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Herbie Hancock…definitely one of the wackiest collection of people I’ve seen in a while. And the actual concert?

Bono on U2's 360 tour (Image: U2.com)

Well, like all U2 concerts, it was a 100,000-crowd strong spectacle of light, sound, brilliance, and Bono leaping in circles around the stage. When The Streets Have No Name came on, there was no place in the world I wanted to be. All in a all, as usual, a perfectly awesome show.

I’ve listened to their album No Line on the Horizon lots this year, but the lyrics that struck me most last night were from the song they closed with, Moment of Surrender:

“Two souls too smart to be in the realm of certainty, even on our wedding day.

It’s not if I believe in love, it’s if love believes in me. Oh, believe in me.”

The reason I love that so much? Well, people who’ve fallen madly love—me included, I admit—often can’t help passing along those clichés like, “When you know, you know,” and “I didn’t doubt it for a single second.” And in ways, this is entirely true; when you do meet the right person—your true half-orange—he or she fits so perfectly with who you are, and it feels natural and obvious, that you do just know.

No Line on the Horizon

But the fact is, love isn’t black and white. It’s not a stock purchase with a straightforward “buy” or “sell.” It’s not a bungee jump, that you can’t take back after you leap. People do change their minds and do make mistakes and do back out after signing the marriage license. Like U2 points out, no two human beings can ever be entirely sure it will work out for good, forever. But love and marriage is about that leap of faith that it will. It’s about knowing, like Bono’s lyrics say, that you can’t be certain, even on your wedding day.

Which is why I believe it does matter if you believe in love. Your “moment of surrender” can only happen when you have enough faith in the love you have with the right person to take the leap. Aim for that, then. For that feeling that it’s okay to leap, it’s okay to surrender, it’s okay to put your love out there, because you’ll get it back in spades.

Big love,