2009 September — The Life Optimist

Archive for September, 2009

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2009

I got a pitch this morning that I just had to share: It’s the story about embracing the humor you need to survive the ups and downs of a search for a mate. It’s the story of “TimWow!”

Tim Goggin, you see, is a 32-year-old single guy in San Diego who was getting so frustrated with dating, he decided to take a bold approach to find the right woman for him by creating an infomercial…on himself! The tactic is hilarious, and the gesture reminded me of something all daters should remember: There are great, smart, kind, lovable, funny people out there looking for relationships. And you never know, you may meet the right one for you in the most surprising way! Watch Tim’s infomercial here:

As Tim says, “Regardless of who you are, finding the love of our life is never easy. Dating is a crazy, bizarre, and wild adventure. That’s why I created this.” It seemed, he says, “the best, most unique medium to reach the right woman.” And though his hard work and passion may be what’s kept him out of the dating game for a while, he hopes it will charm the right woman to him now. “The more you accomplish in your life, the more passions you have, the harder it is to find a partner to match you in those passions,” says Tim. “I need a spectacular woman and I think this might be just the way to meet her.”

You can see more about Tim on his website TimWow.com. If Tim’s your type, act now to get your FREE gift! And even if he isn’t, let his move remind you a few important messages: You’re not alone in wanting love. There are plenty of great single people out there like you with big hearts and great imaginations. And, really, who says you won’t meet your half-orange in an unusually unique “As Seen on TV” kind of way?

In the meantime, while you’re waiting for your dream relationship to come a-knockin’, keep your sense of humor the way Tim has. A good laugh will make your life more worth loving. So will that new Mighty Putty Super Powered Epoxy for home projects big and small, I bet. But the laugh will feel much better.

You might also like:
Time to Un-do an Unrelationship?

Big love and happy viewing,

Tags: adventure, dating, humor, informercial, TimWow
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms, With a little help from your friends | Comments Off on TimWow is Available Now!

Matthew McConaughey Can’t Face You (Seriously. . .He Can’t!)

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

When I started seeing the ads for today’s DVD release of this year’s Matthew McConaughey/Jennifer Garner movie, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, I noticed something awfully curious happening in the movie poster—which is also evidence of a creeping trend in McConaughey’s career of movie posters: He simply can’t seem to face his co-stars! What might a pose like this say about a guy in real life if you’re looking for a relationship?

Well, I’ll give you my two cents, but first, more examples. For lest you think this is the first time Matthew has struck the pose, think again. His backhand has been at it for quite some time…

It all began in 2003, when Matthew and Kate Hudson sparred on screen in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The Leaning Tower of Matt symbolizes he is an equal adversary, a cunning man who won’t bend. But of course, though his hands are smugly safe in his pockets, he and his lady are touching just enough to make her want him.

But the leaning tower of Matt had only just begun…

…

In 2006, Matthew took on a new opponent in love: Sarah Jessica Parker, in Failure to Launch. This time, he’s leaning so far onto her, she needs to haul ass with her full body weight to get him off of her, let alone out of his parents’ house. . . let alone into a movie people liked more than this one.

…

In 2008, Matthew joined his former ally for another McConaughey/Hudson match up, this time in Fool’s Gold. The American movie poster went a different way (they actually are sort of facing each other) but we can’t ignore that the pose was struck, revealing that Matthew has, again, gone back-to-back with his female counterpart—though he found a new place to put his hands: across his chest, symbolizing how staunch and stubborn he really is.

…

Even in 2008’s Surfer Dude, when there was nothing to love but a seven-foot piece of resin-coated polyurethane foam, he couldn’t help but turn his back on his own surfboard. Sigh.

Now, I don’t think this says as much about Matthew as it does the marketing departments working on his films. In fact, I met him and Kate Hudson at his place in Malibu last year to help arrange a Glamour magazine interview, and he was a total gentleman. He offered me a hot tea while he went to take a shower—and he at no point leaned on me. Still, it made me think about the kinds of male characters he’s representing: players, usually; know-it-alls; a little smug, a lot smarmy. In other words: exactly the kinds of guys single women should be wary of dating!

I mean, look at the body language: His back is to the women and his arms are either crossed or on himself—both signs of a guy who is not open to a relationship with you. Yes, it’s fun to take on the challenge of turning a self-assured man into a bumbling idiot in love with you, but that involves a lot of tears and frustration, and doesn’t always end happy.

Happy endings, though? Those usually involve an adoring man, on his knees professing his love and meaning it. That’s what you want, women. Keep an eye out for the guys who want to face you with arms open, who aren’t poised to walk in the other direction. The happy ending is all you’re looking for. You don’t need to wade through the ups and downs of a leaning man leading you on first. So single women…watch your back and look for someone who’s into leaning on each other, face-to-face, heart-to-heart.

Big love,

Tags: body language, Glamour, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Kate Hudson, leaning tower of Matt, Matthew McConaughey
Posted in At the movies | Comments Off on Matthew McConaughey Can’t Face You (Seriously. . .He Can’t!)

The House Hunt: The Gunk & The Good!

Monday, September 21st, 2009

My sister Liz is looking for a new house to rent—lucky for me, someplace near mine so we can walk to each other’s places for coffee breaks. She’s looking for a place with a spacious and clean interior, a healthy yard space and a cozy, home-like feel.

Charming means nothing without the un-charming to compare it to (Image: Ken Spencer)

The un-charming teaches us what “charming” really is. (Image: Ken Spencer)

On day one of her search, however, she saw two houses with dirt for yards, bars for windows and a view outside of other people’s chain-link fences. Not surprisingly, she drove home depressed. Like, really depressed.

It took a few appointments at some nicer places before she got her hopes back up—and only then did she realize how glad she was to have seen the gross ones. How else would she have been able to appreciate the cute places without having the charm-challenged ones to compare them to? The lesson was a reminder to both of us about the value of seeing the gunk. It’s as simple as this: You’ll never be able to appreciate the good stuff if you haven’t seen the gunk!

This is true of everything in life. You won’t know a great job if you’ve never worked a crappy one. You’ll can’t savor a nice hotel if you’ve never stayed in a scary one. You’ll never appreciate your health unless you or someone you love has lost it. And how could you value a wonderful, stomach-swirling date if you’ve never had some clunkers?

Like my sister’s house hunt, look at your low moments in love as setting a gauge for the highs. Being in a relationship that beats you down can teach you that you deserve to be in one where you soar, and kissing someone who doesn’t summon an iota of chemistry within you can remind you that, yeah, you want the butterflies.

It only took a week for Liz to look back on those horrible houses and laugh. That’s because, in time, the rough things that happen to us become our funniest or most touching or most revelatory experiences. The gunk is good for you. Do yourself a favor and start thanking the world for letting you experience it.

Big love,

Posted in Optimisms | Comments Off on The House Hunt: The Gunk & The Good!

A Gleeful Reminder

Friday, September 18th, 2009

People have been talking about the new show Glee so much (Wednesdays on FOX), I had to check it out. I am, after all, a former Glee Club member myself. Of course, we had to stand on bleachers in polyester red gowns when we sang “Eye of the Tiger” in six-part harmony. These kids have style.

Rachel (played by Lea Michele) celebrated their style (Image: Hulu/Fox)

Rachel (played by Lea Michele) knows what's special

Anyway, the show? Adorge. It’s an optimistic little story about some high-school outcasts with big hearts and beautiful voices (um, can we talk about the pipes on Amber Riley who plays Mercedes?!) who don’t get any respect from the sporty types at school. On this week’s “Acafellas” episode, the club hired a choreographer to create some contest-winning moves, but all he did was viciously call them various forms of useless. Just as they were about to quit, Rachel (who’d been told her nose was too big) stopped them with this:

“When Barbra Streisand was a young ingénue, they told her in order to be a star, she’d have to get a nose job. Thankfully, she refused . . . . Let’s face it. We’re never gonna be as good dancers as Vocal Adrenaline. We’re gonna win because…we’re different. And that’s what makes us special.”

It’s such a simple message, I know that. But I don’t think we can remind ourselves enough. We need to stop trying to fit into other people’s boxes once and for all—in work, in friendships, and in love. We may have spent our high school years trying to fit in, but real life is about standing out! You are unique and you are awesome, as is. And if someone isn’t into you, it’s not your problem, it’s theirs. I mean, really, if some fool can’t see how wonderful you are, then he or she loses the gift of getting to be with you, plain and simple. But don’t worry: your future partner is too smart a cookie to let you get away.

Remember, like the Glee girl said: We’re different. And that’s what makes us special.

You might also like:
Mad Men: More than Eye Candy
A Dating Lesson from Top Chef

Big love,

Tags: acafellas, Glee, optimist, surviving set-backs
Posted in Being yourself, It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on A Gleeful Reminder

What’s the Upside? The Tale of the “Halo”

Thursday, September 17th, 2009

My friend Brandon had a skiing accident some time ago that knocked his neck around and left him in a clunky metal “halo” that was screwed into his skull, its huge metal arms resting on his shoulders to keep his head from moving a millimeter. And it made him stand out in a crowd in a very Joan-Cusack-in-Sixteen Candles kind of way…

Can you find the upside to this?

Not that Brandon expected the attention, mind you. The first morning he went outside in public, he pulled on a pair of shorts and said, “Oh man, I’m so pale, do you think I’m going to look stupid?” We had to remind him, “Um, Brandon? They’re not gonna be looking at your legs….”

For many people, getting screwed into a halo would keep them home. Did it stop Brandon? Hells no! The first time I saw him, he was wobbling into a Hooters of all places, for wings and beer. He went on hikes, hit the beach, rode the ferris wheel and drank champagne cocktails at my husband’s art party at a loft downtown all while wrapped up in goofy sweatshirts cut open to fit over his contraption. And you know what I saw? Girls flocking to him like moths to flame, mice to cheese, Mad Men characters to cigarettes.

Brandon didn’t feel a bit sorry for himself, and it made the people around him feel the same way. What women saw when they spoke to him was a guy with a zest for life, a great sense of humor, and a spirit that would not be squashed, not even under the weight of a 20-pound chunk of metal. Instead of groaning about his halo, he had girls put flowers in it! Instead of focusing on the outside, he looked at the upside.

Making the most of a bad situation (Image: AS)

Brandon’s healed and free of his halo now, but his story sticks with me. I know, for instance, I used to pity myself at times when I was single—over my dried up dating life or the crappy day I had or the people who didn’t call me back. (Clearly, I should have read 11 Ways Being Single Beats Being in a Relationship!) But then I’d look at people who keep a positive attitude through far worse experiences, and I was reminded that no matter what life doles out, it’s our job to find the upside within us. Our life is what we make of it from the inside. Your wonderful attitude is what’s going to bring you the happiness you seek and the love you’re looking for. So find the upside. There’s nothing more attractive than an unstoppable optimist!

You might also like:
WWJS: What Would Joan Say?

Big love,