I went to a rad event the other night in Hollywood at Raleigh Studios, based on a book and film called The Good Men Project.

The “project,” created by James Hougton and Tom Matlack, was created to build a conversation about what it means to be a man, a husband, a father, a brother, a son. And that night, the panel discussion involved artist Shepard Fairey and Mad Men creator Matthew Weiner talking on the topic. I found them so insanely interesting, I could have listened to them talk for days.

Still, what stuck with me the most that evening was a line delivered by one of the men featured in the film. Stuart Horwitz is a father who’s spent the last few years taking his daughter Fifer out “busking”—playing guitar and singing songs for cash on street corners. While some people, Stuart said, looked at their activity as possibly unhealthy for his daughter, Stuart knew the experience was actually helping build her self-esteem. How? Well, playing music in front of a crowd who hasn’t asked you to be there is scary—but he taught his daughter to not just face those fears, but to dive through them. As Stuart said in the film,

“On the other side of fear is a blissful self-confidence you have to earn, you can’t buy.”

Now, I may have messed up a word or two there, as I jotted that quote down in the dark of the theater. But the message is there, and I think all of us—old or young, single or married, settled or searching—can remind ourselves the same thing. On the other side of fear is blissful self-confidence you have to earn. And the more confident you become in who you really are, the closer you get to attracting your half-orange straight to you.

If you’re single, think of what that means for you. Consider this your Good Dating Project! Whatever fears you have, face them: Call the person who makes your fingers sweat every time you think about dialing. Ask out your crush and find out once and for all if they feel the same way. Dive into that romance with someone you love with your heart but worry about hurting, because you may be surprised to find yourself deeper in it than you ever imagined.

Whatever happens after you face that fear, one thing is true: You’ll be a better, stronger, smarter, bigger person for it. And, as Stuart says, you’ll earn a blissful self-confidence you can’t get any other way.

You might also like:
An Incurable Optimist Has Dating Advice, Too
Wise Words from an Undone She
Man Advice from a 1943 Classic? You Bet.

Big love,

This entry was posted on Monday, December 14th, 2009 at 12:25 am and is filed under Optimisms.