relationship — The Life Optimist

Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

A Miyagi “Love” Moment

Monday, December 21st, 2009

So clearly we love Ralph Macchio for being the wax on, wax off Karate Kid who learned the art of karate and life from Mr. Miyagi: “First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule, Daniel-san, not mine.” Now, Ralph Macchio (who is 48, by the way—forty-freaking-eight, even though he looks and makes me feel twenty-four) is the one teaching us the lessons.

Who's sharing the wise words now, Daniel-san?

This time, it’s coming from Ralph’s latest stint as city councilman Archie Rodriguez on Ugly Betty, who has been dating Betty’s sister Hilda (played so touchingly by Ana Ortiz).

Last week, Hilda finally came to terms with the fact that she’ll never see Archie as more than a really great guy. In fact, at one point in the episode, a salesperson at a department store mistakes Hilda for Archie’s wife, and she leaps to correct the woman with a big, “No! I’m not his wife.”

Soon after that, Archie bowed out of the relationship on his own because he knew he deserved more. This is what he said:

“I love you, Hilda. And, I know you care for me. But there’s someone out there who’s going to be thrilled to be mistaken for my wife. And I deserve to find that person and you deserve to find that person, too. I hoped it could be me, but since it isn’t, it’s time for me to say goodbye.”

How beautifully said. And how worth remembering. If a relationship isn’t working—or a crush isn’t turning into a relationship—remind yourself that it’s not getting you anywhere trying to force love to work. You deserve someone who is going to be thrilled to be at your side! Someone who will brag about you to his or her friends, ramble on about you to their co-workers, and love you like they can’t believe they’re lucky enough to get you. Don’t let yourself settle for anything less.

You might also like:
Babe Ruth: A Dating Strategy?

Big love,

Tags: dating, Karate Kid, relationship, surviving set-backs, Ugly Betty
Posted in At the movies, It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on A Miyagi “Love” Moment

The Don’ts of Liz Lemon’s Dealbreakers

Friday, October 23rd, 2009

I really hope you’re watching 30 Rock. Because other than Jack Donaghy’s dry wit, Kenneth’s cartoonishly eager face, Jenna’s hopelessly hopeful career, and Tracy’s lunatic antics, my favorite part is watching Liz Lemon navigate the world of being single.

Don't take dealbreakers too far (Image: NBC.com)

On last night’s episode, Liz (played by the show’s creator Tina Fey) published a book called Dealbreakers: A Girl’s Guide to Shutting it Down. I laughed out loud, of course, at the ones on her list, like, “If your man is over thirty and still wears a nametag to work, that’s a dealbreaker!” and “If your man has seven cell phones but won’t give you any of their numbers, that’s a dealbreaker!” You can see more items on the list at NBC’s Dealbreakers site—and most are so far out there (“If your man appears on “To Catch a Predator” on Dateline, that’s a dealbreaker!”) we can’t help but agree. But I gotta say, as much as I love Liz Lemon, I don’t love all her dealbreakers.

Why? Put simply, if you’re focused on what’s not going to work in a relationship, then the negatives are all you’re going to see! Look at the subtitle of the book: a guide to shutting it down. Hilarious, of course, I get that. But in real life, haven’t you shut enough down? Your dates, your attitude, your heart, your hope? Think about opening up, instead. Open up to the possibility that perhaps the most perfect man for you—kind-hearted, supportive, sexy, driven and funny—just happens to want to “ride you home on his handlebars.” And guys, maybe the perfect woman—warm, beautiful, quirky and smart—just happens to “collect action figures.” Please: Don’t count people out of your life before they’ve even stepped into it.

Now I do think it’s important to look at your life in the big picture and make note of the big dealbreakers. If you desperately want a family and the man you’re dating doesn’t want children, yeah, that is a dealbreaker. If you’re a deeply religious person and the date you’re with is adamantly opposed to what you believe in, yeah, another dealbreaker. But when it comes to someone’s personality traits—to the food they eat, the movies they watch, the shoes they wear—these don’t define a whole person. And maybe what you thought was a dealbreaker at first will turn out to be something you can embrace as the lovable quirk in the person who’s so perfectly meant for you.

Enjoy the show, laugh at the book, and—as Liz Lemon says—”if your man has appeared on Maury to take a paternity test,” he’s probably not the right guy for you. But after you laugh your way through the episode and her “book,” stop looking for ways to shut it down, and start looking for ways to open up. Love likes to surprise us, remember. Let it.

But I’m also curious to hear what you think about Liz’s dealbreakers: Have you been burned by not having them? Are there some you’d never give in on? Or have you scrapped your list altogether?

You might also like:
Love Doesn’t Need to be Quite So Tough…

Big love and let me know,

Tags: dating, dealbreakers, frustrating, Liz Lemon, relationship, single
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on The Don’ts of Liz Lemon’s Dealbreakers

Life’s Most Underrated Moment: The “Cusp”

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

The cusp deserves its day.

Like the sense of smell to taste, the cusp to a big moment is part of what makes the moment so big in the first place. That cusp—that point of intersection between the anticipation of something happening and it coming to fruition—is everything. What, after all, is a first kiss without the uncertain seconds just before your lips meet? Those are the ones charged with energy, nervousness, and hope. Those are the seconds that make a first kiss what it is.

We gasp before the trapeze artist grabs her bar... ("Trapeze Artist" by Gusto)

There’s optimism in the cusp: You’re trusting that the moments will follow through and turn out well. And when they do, we collapse into it, even more grateful. What, after all, is the most prolific moment of a wedding? Not the part of exchanging rings, reciting vows, or even the first kiss as a married couple. No, the moment women seem to talk about most is walking down the aisle toward those big moments. The cusp is everything.

There’s the cusp of dessert, as your fork cuts into a piece of cake, your mouth opening in expectation. There’s the cusp of a bursting flower bud about to bloom, which can be as beautiful as the bloom itself. One chill-worthy moment in Julie & Julia (see: Julie & Julia: Your Optimism Gurus!) was when Julie (more…)

Tags: dating, falling in love, first kiss, relationship, the cusp
Posted in Eat your heart out!, In the big wild world, Optimisms | Comments Off on Life’s Most Underrated Moment: The “Cusp”

What Your Texts Say About Your Relationship

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2009

Gosh, I’ve suddenly become self conscious about what I text. And so might you—but maybe that’s a good thing. According to a study I just came across, the words you use in your texts and IMs to the person you like (or love) reveal gobloads about how solid your relationship is.

Right or Wrong Texting

The study, which was done by Richard Slatcher of UCLA, and published in the journal Personal Relationships eight months ago, said that women who use the word “I” more often in their instant messages actually report being more satisfied with their partners.

Specifically, says LiveScience, the women who used the word “I” a lot were 30 percent more likely to stay in their relationships.

Also, the more that women used what the researchers called “positive negations” like the term “not happy,” the (more…)

Tags: dating, instant messages, iPhone, relationship, texting
Posted in Being yourself, In the big wild world, Optimisms | Comments Off on What Your Texts Say About Your Relationship

The Coffee Test

Monday, August 31st, 2009

If you’re single and seeking love, it’s easy to circle around the same big question: What kind of person are you meant to be with? I mean, we all have different aspects to our personalities, right? Sometimes I crave sushi at a hip spot, sometimes I want ribs from a dive place. Some nights I’m up for a big party, and others I’d prefer laying in bed reading a Harry Potter book (I’m still only halfway through, but determined to finish).

Friendship + something steamy = a great relationship!

With such divergent desires in life, how can you know what partner would be right for you? In fact, some days it begs an even bigger question: Who are you, really? Well, my answer to you is this: You’re the person you are when you hang out with your best friend—the person who represents what I like to call, “The Coffee Test.”

I’m talking about your main BFF—the one friend doesn’t mind if you pick up a dropped piece of pizza cheese off the table and eat it. The friend you’re not embarrassed to say, “Ooh, stop!” as they scroll past a cheesy movie with the TV remote. No judgments, no masks, no hard work.

Think about how relaxed you are with your best friend. How you can roll out of bed some grumbling Saturday morning, put on some sweats, and meet up at a coffee shop where you’ll share a few funny recaps—or maybe just a few grunts. That calm, laid-back easygoing version of you in the coffee shop? That’s how you want to feel when you’re sitting across from the love of your life.

Because really, why get yourself into a relationship in which you’ll have to exert extra effort pretending that you’re funnier or more outgoing or less chatty or needier more well-spoken or more cool or fabulous than you are in your everyday life?

Yes, we all have different aspects to us depending on the hour. But the fact is this: You want a relationship in which you are the best, happiest, more chilled out, normal, calm you you can be. And the person you are when you’re chilling in a coffee shop blowing on your latte so you don’t get fuzzy tongue? That’s the version of yourself you should be showing the world most. Give yourself “the coffee test” with your best pal to see what you’re really like in your own, relaxed happy skin. You may get a jolt of understanding with your espresso.

Big love,