Love — The Life Optimist

Posts Tagged ‘Love’

The Weird Benefit of The “Never Date Again” Strategy

Friday, January 7th, 2011

The what?!? I mean, let’s be honest, this isn’t a strategy for people who want to be in a relationship, is it? Well, not for the most part, no. But when the idea came up on the most recent episode of Parenthood, I couldn’t help but see some dating optimism in one character’s funny anti-dating message. (Check out my other Parenthood post, too, Why You Must Put Yourself Out There.)

Julia and Sarah Braverman, who hang out for girl's night. (Image: NBC.com)

The scene: Sarah (Lauren Graham) walked into her lawyer sister Julia (Erika Christensen)’s office and announced she had a new plan. This is what Sarah said:

“I made a New Year’s resolution, one I can really keep. I have decided, I am never going to date anyone. ever. again. Right? Because I want to have fun this year, and my relationships are not fun. Ergo, to wit, don’t have any. (I’m using a little legal jargon there for your comfort.) I’m gonna do fun things. I’m gonna go to museums and, uh, you know, read more. I’m gonna have a girl’s night out with my sister.”

The girl’s night out ended up being a funny wine-fest in (followed by a morning in the kitchen that made me laugh out loud when Sarah said “We’re flavored-coffee-drinking losers!”). And Sarah didn’t change her feelings about dating during the episode. So what did I like about it?

I liked the wise idea to take the focus off of dating for a minute. The way I see it, your path toward love isn’t about the guy or girl you want in it; it’s about you. Don’t just find three people who will go out with you and schedule some quick dates for next week; instead, make sure you’re in a place where you are mad happy with who you are and excited about the prospect of sharing your awesome life with someone before you go on those three dates!

Sarah was just burned by love and may not be able to come at dating with an open mind just yet. But she has a great idea here. If you’re not wildly in love with your life yet—if you’re not giddy about the person you are and certain that the right guy or girl will be lucky as hell to be with you—then find a way to fall in love with your life. Do fun things. Go to a museum. Read more. Knit. Box. Mountain climb. Dance. Learn Italian. Volunteer. Go out with your friends to places you’re not likely to meet someone (uh, senior citizens Bingo night, anyone?) so you don’t feel the pressure to work it.

Find a way to feel damn great about who you are and what’s coming down the pike in love and you’ll attract your half-orange faster, and be ready as ever for them when you meet.

Right? Is there anything you can think of that you could do this week that would make you feel happier with your life? What would make you feel so proud of you, you couldn’t wait to date a great person to tell them all about it?

You might also like:

8 Reasons to Go Out Tonight!

Big love,

Tags: dating, fun-loving girl, half-orange, Love, optimist, relaxing, self-doubting, single
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on The Weird Benefit of The “Never Date Again” Strategy

Your U2 Moment of Surrender

Monday, October 26th, 2009

I went to the U2 concert in the Pasadena Rose Bowl last night. And man, it was a show in the U2 tent before we even set foot in the stadium: Ewan McGregor, Colin Farrell, Chris O’Donnell, Cindi Crawford, Barbra Streisand—Barbra Streisand!—Buzz Aldrin, Slash, Angie Harmon, Pierce Brosnan, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Herbie Hancock…definitely one of the wackiest collection of people I’ve seen in a while. And the actual concert?

Bono on U2's 360 tour (Image: U2.com)

Well, like all U2 concerts, it was a 100,000-crowd strong spectacle of light, sound, brilliance, and Bono leaping in circles around the stage. When The Streets Have No Name came on, there was no place in the world I wanted to be. All in a all, as usual, a perfectly awesome show.

I’ve listened to their album No Line on the Horizon lots this year, but the lyrics that struck me most last night were from the song they closed with, Moment of Surrender:

“Two souls too smart to be in the realm of certainty, even on our wedding day.

It’s not if I believe in love, it’s if love believes in me. Oh, believe in me.”

The reason I love that so much? Well, people who’ve fallen madly love—me included, I admit—often can’t help passing along those clichés like, “When you know, you know,” and “I didn’t doubt it for a single second.” And in ways, this is entirely true; when you do meet the right person—your true half-orange—he or she fits so perfectly with who you are, and it feels natural and obvious, that you do just know.

No Line on the Horizon

But the fact is, love isn’t black and white. It’s not a stock purchase with a straightforward “buy” or “sell.” It’s not a bungee jump, that you can’t take back after you leap. People do change their minds and do make mistakes and do back out after signing the marriage license. Like U2 points out, no two human beings can ever be entirely sure it will work out for good, forever. But love and marriage is about that leap of faith that it will. It’s about knowing, like Bono’s lyrics say, that you can’t be certain, even on your wedding day.

Which is why I believe it does matter if you believe in love. Your “moment of surrender” can only happen when you have enough faith in the love you have with the right person to take the leap. Aim for that, then. For that feeling that it’s okay to leap, it’s okay to surrender, it’s okay to put your love out there, because you’ll get it back in spades.

Big love,