How I Met Your Mother — The Life Optimist

Posts Tagged ‘How I Met Your Mother’

Robin’s “Take a Break from Dating” Technique

Wednesday, November 18th, 2009

Yep, still laughing out loud every week at How I Met Your Mother.

Robin "takes a break" (Image: CBS.com)

And this week’s episode hit on something I talk about in my upcoming book Meeting Your Half-Orange (February 2010, Running Press). We’ll call it the “I’m taking a break from dating” technique.

After Robin (Cobie Smulders) and Barney (Neil Patrick Harris) broke up last week, he took the opportunity to pull out his old playbook and pick up on as many women as possible. Robin, for her part, went the other route, saying she was taking a break from love to focus back on herself. This is how her conversation with the boys went, when she said she wanted to focus on…

Robin: “My career. That’s my number one focus right now. From now on, no more dating, it’s all about work. . . I’m taking a break from all that.

Ted: Mmm, mmm Marshall…it’s totally gonna happen.

Marshall: So gonna happen.

Robin: What’s gonna happen?

Ted: You’re gonna fall in love.

Marshall: So soon.

Robin: Ha ha, not likely. I’m focusing on my career. I’m done with dating.

Ted: No, okay, we’re playing The Pyramid? Okay… “Things People Say Right Before They Meet The Love of Their Life.”

Why do I love that conversation? Let me count the ways. Because the essence of my book about dating optimism is that you need to become the best, most absolutely authentic and happy you there is. In other words, take the focus off of dating and back onto yourself.

Why do so many people meet the loves of their lives the minute they announce, “I give up” or “I’m over it” or, like Robin, “I’m going to focus on my career”? Because the minute you take the focus off of the endless pursuit of love is the minute you actually settle into a comfortable, happy, content version of yourself: the you that isn’t scouring online dating sites every 2o minutes, the you that isn’t emailing every married friend you have and asking to be set up, the you that isn’t trying to hit three events a night with a panicked look on your face as you scan the room for single people you like.

Try it. Try Robin’s “I’m taking a break from dating” technique. Exhale all that pressure that’s been building up inside you as the clock ticks by and you fear you’ll never find someone. Then inhale yourself again—the most real, happy version of you there is. Focus on work for a while. Focus on your family. Spend quality time with your friends in locations where you can’t meet anyone. Do some things you’ve always meant to try with the intention of feeling good about yourself, nothing more.

Because it’s then—when you are the best, more natural version of yourself—that the person you’re meant to be with will be able to recognize you. The sooner you become the person you want to be in your ideal, happy relationship, the sooner your half-orange will show up!

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How I Met Your…Quirks

Big love,

Tags: How I Met Your Mother
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How I Met Your…Quirks

Tuesday, September 29th, 2009

If you don’t watch How I Met Your Mother (Mondays on CBS), you’re missing out on some big laughs. It’s a refreshingly un-reality-based sitcom that’s not only full of brilliantly current writing, but also some surprisingly deep insights about life, dating and love.

Ted (played by Josh Radnor) makes a smart speech (Image: CBS.com)

Last night, for example, Ted ended up on a blind date with the same exact person seven years later. It took both of them a minute to realize, “We’ve been on this date before!” Yet, as true optimists who decided to gain something good from their date no matter what, they took turns telling each other what turned them off about each other the first time around so they could learn about themselves for the future—i.e. she didn’t like that Ted pointed out typos in the menu and made a lame joke about how not sharing the oysters would be “shellfish.” He didn’t like that she likes to dress her cats in costumes. In the end [SPOILER ALERT!], as the pair tried to figure out whether or not to have a go of it this time, Ted said this to his date:

I just remembered why I didn’t call you. I like finding typos in menus. And I know my shellfish pun is stupid, but the truth is, I’m not suddenly going to stop making stupid jokes. Shouldn’t we hold out for the person who doesn’t just tolerate our little quirks, but actually kinda likes them?

Yes yes yessss! I know that some people love to say that choosing a partner is all about compromise, but as I say in Meeting Your Half-Orange, it’s about possibly compromising later—once you’ve found someone you feel is compromising for. But you shouldn’t have to compromise who you are. You shouldn’t feel you have to hold back saying things, or feel you’re not allowed to love your cats, or think it’s no big deal if someone doesn’t get your jokes. Why? Because it’s a big deal if someone doesn’t get your jokes!

Your jokes are a representation of who you are. What you find funny is a combination of what you’ve learned in life, how your brain works, what your heart feels and what will make you laugh every single day for the rest of your life. Do you really think it’s okay to settle for someone who doesn’t get what makes you laugh for the rest of your life? Nothing comes between Brooke and her Calvins and nothing should come between you and what makes you laugh. Period.

So do as Ted says: Hold out for the person who doesn’t just tolerate your quirks, but absolutely definitely likes them. Because when you’re totally being who you are, that’s when you’ll meet the person who’s totally right for you.

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Mad Men: More Than Eye Candy
A Gleeful Reminder

Big love,