When Your Date’s Gone Bad, Listen to THIS

December 8th, 2010

We’ve all had bad dates. Many of them so bad they’re yawn-numblingly boring, some so bad they’re bad, and a lucky few so bad they’re good.

Ever gotten a message like this?

This audio file is an example of the latter. Sort of. It’s not a date, it’s a guy trying to get a date. He apparently met some woman, got her number, and then called her. A few times. The result? One of the best phone messages you’ve ever heard.

So the next time your date’s gone bad, or the next time you think you’ve left an embarrassing message on someone’s voicemail, remember that you’re not alone—and, in fact, it’s been worse. Your proof is that this hilarious string of voicemails from Dimitri is out there: The Reason Some Girls Stay Single.

Enjoy!

You might also like:
Just One Thing: See the Good in Others

Big love,

Posted in Optimisms

Would You Make Out With Him Anyway?

December 3rd, 2010

I just had myself an LOL moment today. And I really needed it. I’ve been having a down week in which even this optimist wasn’t feeling the optimism. So I have to give it to this video for sucking a little laugh out of my small spare tire of a belly.

Even the show's poster is hilarious.

The credit goes to a live theater show in Hollywood, Los Angeles called I Made Out With Him Anyway—billed as a multi-media, cabaret-style extravaganza starring Evie Peck and Kirstin Eggers, based on their collection of very true man dates gone very very wrong. For anyone in the Hollywood hood, there is one new show next week, December 7th, 2010, and tickets are available, so you might want to snatch one up. Because if the show itself is anything as funny as the first video in the creator’s web series, it’s gonna be good.

Which brings me to the I Made Out With Him Anyway web show. If you’ve ever had a disappointing online first date, you’ll probably appreciate the re-enactment of one girl’s true dating story. Check out the episode: Date #1: Stephanie and Cooper and ask yourself: Would you still make out with this guy? (I think not.)

Then, the next time you find your heart sinking during a date (or in a job interview, or at an apartment showing you’d set all your hopes on), just know that you’re not alone. We all go through these every day, and the best way to survive a bad date may be to turn your highly disappointed moment into highly-larious. How will you re-tell—or re-enact—your next bad date? And do you have any bad dates in your story roster that help get you or your friends out of a funk when you need ’em?

P.S. I’d like to point out that this is only the second time in all my digital life I’ve ever typed LOL. Whoops, okay, now the third. The first was in a Facebook comment last week. The second was when I wrote it up there in the post itself. And now again here. But I kind of like it. It makes me smile a little to type it. I mean, I am a laugh out loud kind of a girl. LOL. Uh-oh, I might start getting too used to this…

You might also like…
The Tightrope Fall of Negative Thinking

Big love,

Posted in In the big wild world, It's a video

4 Tips For Taking Your Happiest Half-Orange Photo!

December 1st, 2010

I came across a great little story in Psychology Today about a survey done by OKCupid.com. And it inspired me to share some thoughts on taking great photos for your online or Facebook pages that will help show you in your best light.

Use your picture to your authentic advantage!

For the survey, OKCupid asked millions of users to rate other people’s attractiveness based on their photos, and then analyzed the settings of the cameras of the photos themselves. How cool is that, right? Which means that armed with information on things like what time of day the pics were shot and with which lens, etc., they noticed some trends.

Here’s my take on some of what they found as well as my own thoughts: overall, four great tips to taking a photo that will help attract your half-orange.

1. Take photos in late afternoon sun or early evening twilight. Psychology Today notes that the lighting at that time of is more flattering, and it’s true: it creates soft shadows which creates more a slimming effect. It’s different than the harsh shadows created by bright sunshine. If you want to take a photo on a bright sunny day, just try doing it in a soft shadow of a tree or patio umbrella to create softer shadows.

Me (far right) with my gorgeous girlfriends. I took this from that "slightly-above angle."

2. Take the photos from a slightly-above angle. This is a tip of mine that works every time. Now, I don’t mean holding the camera above your head, but if you have your friend hold the camera at, say, their forehead level and tip it down toward you…hello gorgeous! It creates a slimming chin definition that takes away those double chins and hating your neck like Nora Ephron does. And there’s something about how your eyes end up looking slightly up at the lens rather than straight on—kind of adorge. I do this with all my shots of my friends, and I’ve been crowned the “staff photographer” for the flattering pics we get because of it. That picture (at left) is a perfect example.

3. Post a happy late-night photo. The OKCupid study found that late-night photos got stellar ratings from viewers. They couldn’t pinpoint exactly why that is, but consider the fact that many late-night photos are taken either with or when you’re among friends, which puts you in exactly the state of mind you want to be in with your half-orange. And, sure, sometimes you’re a cocktail or two into a night, which relaxes you more and probably brings out a much more natural smile—and as I talk about in Meeting Your Half-Orange, it’s that natural smile, the one that makes the corners of your eyes crinkle up, which feeds information to your emotional brain that you are truly happy, which affects the energy in and around you. And that stuff gets picked up in a photo, boy. So consider that: If you are trying too hard to get a flattering photo in the daytime, get someone to take a snap of you at night.

4. Be real. The three tips on taking a good photo are all about planning or altering the angle of the shot so you look your best. But even then, a photo won’t mean squat if it isn’t reflecting the real you. The way I see it, a fake-ish photo is not only setting you up for disappointment (because you may be disappointing your date if you’re not really the person you sold yourself to be), but it also isn’t building you up in the right way. You should be proud of yourself for who you are, not who you wish you were. If you don’t ski, for example, posting five shots of that one trip you rode on the ski lift three years ago isn’t so straight up, is it? And if you have a few smile lines or wear glasses, posting the one shot of you that’s kind of far off at that fancy event where you once wore contacts with your friend cut off at your side…again, that’s not the real you, is it? If your potential dates don’t like you for who you really are—your likes, your dislikes, your desire to have kids, your freckles and glasses—then you don’t want to be dating them anyway!

So post the most flattering shot you can of the real you in a happy state of mind, and you’ll be one step closer to your half-orange seeing you for the awesome partner you plan to be.

You might also like:
Real Love is Not a Catalog Shoot

Big love,

Posted in Being yourself, Optimisms

A Brilliant Idea: Joy’s “Thanksgiving List”

November 23rd, 2010

Ooh, I love me other people’s genius ideas.

And today, the credit goes to Joy Meredith, author of the thought-provoking book, My Last Wishes: Life, Love, Laughs & a Few Final Notes.

This week, she wrote a wonderfully brilliant post called “The Thanksgiving List” on her blog Finding Joy, about a tradition she started called her Thanksgiving List. First, she makes a list of all the people in her life she’s thankful for and why. Then, on Thanksgiving morning, she calls and tells them so. Here is the short version of how it works:

“On the morning of Thanksgiving,” writes Joy, “I wake up early, make two Pepperidge Farm cherry turnovers, and begin my calls around 9ish.

Working off my notes I take a moment to get present with my gratitude and then I call my friend Ann (the list is alphabetical) and begin the thanking. It is designed to be a quick call, there are no pleasantries or small talk, it starts: Are you ready? Ok, Ann this is why I am thankful for you this year….”

Joy writes more about it—including how she rarely allows them to thank her back how her friends and family have responded to being on the list. So check out her full post for the story.

But I had to pass this on. Because if you want a loving relationship, you have to live a loving life. I mean, think about it: You can’t live like a hermit with a cold fish attitude who’s not engaging in any warmth of emotion with any family or friends around you, and expect that—Poof!—a loving partner is going to recognize you as their dream girl or guy as you grumble your way forward on the drugstore line with a pack of paper towels. You have to tune into that soft side, the heart side. The more you get in touch with your feelings of love and gratitude, and the more you engage in relationships with friends and family, the more open and ready you’ll become for a romantic love in your life.

Joy’s Thanksgiving List is a perfect way to do this. Plus, it can help you pinpoint the right relationship for you. How? It carves out some time in your life to reflect on what really matters to your heart, which can help you make your Big Love List. (My post OPTIMISM WORKSHOP: Your Big Love List will get you started.) But making your Thanksgiving List and your Big Love List can become intertwined: Are you thankful for a friend who always supports you, even when you do stupid stuff? Then you’ll probably want to feel unconditionally supported by a partner, too. Are you thankful for a cousin who always leaves hilarious messages on your phone in a French accent when you’re having a down day? Then feeling like you can laugh with a partner through tough times should be on your love list.

Go on, make your Thanksgiving List. I know I’m going to. Even if you’re not as organized and amazing as Joy obviously is to squeeze in those calls on Thanksgiving morning, making the list itself is a darn good start.

You might also like:
The Coffee Test

Big love,

Tags: Big Love List, friends, Thanks
Posted in In the big wild world, Optimisms, With a little help from your friends

Why You MUST Put Yourself Out There

November 22nd, 2010

I’ve been so slammed with pre-holiday work, it’s taken me a minute to write this up, but I had to share something I saw on the most recent Parenthood episode. The episode, which was actually called “Put Yourself Out There,” made me cry (as every episode of Parenthood seems to). And it can change your dating and love life if you take it to heart. Really, it’s THE MOST IMPORTANT message I can think to pass on.

Adam (Peter Krause) had an important message. (NBC.com)

Here’s what went down: Sarah (Lauren Graham)’s high-school daughter Amber (Mae Whitman) was offered an opportunity to speak to a hot shot woman who could help her get into Berkeley. The hot shot was a friend of Sarah’s brother Adam (Peter Krause). But Amber didn’t want the interview, dammit! When Adam asked her why, she explained.

She was too scared, she said. She was afraid to fail. She couldn’t bear the idea of rejection or messing things up, like she felt she’d messed up so many things in her life already. (Ahem, sound familiar daters?) So this is what Adam told her:

“Amber, life will knock you down more times than you can possibly imagine. Don’t knock yourself down. Don’t avoid feeling embarrassed because you’re afraid something’s not gonna go well. So what? Amber, you are a wonderful, talented and really smart young woman. Put yourself out there. Give yourself a chance.”

What a message, right? So look at your love or single life and think about the same thing.

Amber (Mae Whitman) needed to hear it. Do you? (NBC.com)

When I was single, I got to a point where I didn’t feel like going on dates anymore, because even when I found a guy I liked, he always seemed to want someone hotter or richer or younger or blonder or less jokey or more sexy. I felt like I couldn’t win, so what was the point? Instead, I started putting myself down before they could do it for me. Have you ever done this? Talked about how you’re probably not what someone wants anyway—before anyone’s ever said a negative word about you?

Well if you have, stop. Stop right now. Because Adam’s right. Life will knock you down plenty of times. So don’t knock yourself down. Don’t count yourself out of the game before you’ve even had a chance to play and see how you do! Put yourself out there. I’m not saying that you have to walk up to every single cute person you see at the deli, bus stop, bar and bathroom line. But I am saying that if you like someone, talk to them. And if you’re talking to someone you like, tell them the good things about you and your day, not the bad. You’re uniquely awesome, and you’ll never know if someone wants exactly that—exactly you—unless you put yourself out there to see.

Please. Stop badmouthing yourself. Don’t knock yourself down. Build yourself up. Talk about what’s great about you. Let yourself see how fun being a positive you can be. Please, give yourself a chance.

You might also like:
Get “Blue Crush” Brave