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LOST: What Can You “Let Go” Of?

Wednesday, May 26th, 2010

This should go without saying, but if you haven’t watched the Lost finale and don’t want anything spoiled…you probably shouldn’t read this. It would be a shame, because this is a damn good post, but I don’t want to be “that person” to you. Watch..then read!

I’m still sad about the end of Lost. And since, all these days later, I still can’t stop choking up when I think about it, I thought I’d give one final thank you to the show for leaving us with something so powerful to think about. In short, these two words, which can provide a world of peace to all of us: Let go.

Jack was holding it all in. Are you?

Yes, there were many threads left hanging following the finale (in fact, College Humor .com did a hilarious video about the Unanswered Lost Questions). Reviewer Tim Goodman put it this way in The San Francisco Chronicle: “As a series finale it overjoyed the heart and annoyed the brain.” So well said.

What I choose to take from the show is, of course, that big “heart” part. And what I choose to remember are the calm, knowing smiles on the faces of our favorite Lost characters as they sat in the church and went so happily into the light.

For those who didn’t follow the show, the finale revealed that a “sideways” alternate universe on the show was basically Jack’s purgatory. And within it, it was each Lost character’s path to come to their own moving revelation of who they’d been to one another and where they were meant to be. The most moving of these moments, in my opinion, was when Sun and Jin’s understanding settled in while she was getting her ultrasound. (Of course, give me Sun and that “cry now!” Lost music and I’m a goner).

The minute each character recognized their past life, their match, their purpose, you could see the calmness on their faces, feel it coming from their souls: They’d let go. They were giving in to their future. Jack was the last one to figure it out. And when Kate held his face in her hands to welcome him to their destiny, you could see how hard he was fighting it, how unready he was to accept the truth. But when we saw how happy Kate was about it, we knew he’d be in so much more peace if he’d just let go.

So it made me think: What can each of us let go of? In dating, if you’re single, I ask you this:

Can you let go of a past that has hurt you? A past that may have caused you to put your guard up and keep it that way? Let go. The next single man or woman who smiles at you, don’t assume they’re out to hurt you or use you. Let go. Let people in.

Can you let go of the perfect picture you have of your future mate? The image you’ve formed of what he or she looks like, how tall they are, what job they have? Let go. The next person you meet in a romantic way, look into their eyes and heart instead of at their clothes. Let go. See how you feel when you’re with them.

Can you let go of the panic that you might end up alone, forever? That stress you’re holding in your body, that worry you carry in your face? Let go. Give a nod to the universe that what is best for your love life will come as it should. Let go. Your other half is out there and will come your way when you are both ready for one another.

Me, I’m going to keep thinking about what I need to let go of in my life, too. Perhaps I need to let go of my quest for perfection that holds me back with fear when I think I can’t live up to it. Perhaps I can let go of being my own worst critic both physically and emotionally.

Letting go is a step to your happiness.

My point is, we all have things we can let go of. By doing so, by letting go, we’ll all feel lighter, calmer, happier and so much more at peace. If you watch the show, think of the looks on the faces of those Lost characters—how calm and content they were to know that they were just where they were supposed to be. With love and others in their lives. At total peace.

We need to give ourselves up to this world that wants the best for us. Loosen your grip, pay attention, accept what’s meant to be yours. Let go.

Tell me: What do you want to let go of? And how will this help you if you do?

Big love,




You might also like:

Get Un-Lost: Nothing’s Irreversible
Head-to-Head: LOST vs. MYHO (Meeting Your Half-Orange)

And…if you still have a little Lost fever, watch the Jimmy Kimmel Aloha to Lost episode. And, thanks to my husband, I’m now a fan of The Sports Guy Bill Simmons, who did this podcast, The B.S. Report 5/24, all about the finale.

Private Practice: Want Everything!

Monday, May 24th, 2010

I was talking to a single friend of mine this weekend about what she was looking for in a relationship. After she rattled off her list—and it was a long one—she laughed. “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff,” she said. “I guess I want too much, huh.”

Addison Montgomery wants it all.

I used to think the same thing. After all, how could I get all I wanted to feel in a relationship—feeling appreciated, pretty, smart, funny, needed and special—in one succinct and sexy package? Well, you get it by wanting it. By wanting it and asking for it. Just like you only get the In ‘n’ Out burger “Animal Style” with sautéed onions on it if you want it and ask for that!

It brought to mind a week-old episode of Private Practice, which, over its two seasons, has really grown on me. Even that odd little pouty thing Addison keeps doing with her mouth. One scene was based on a conversation between Addison (Grey’s Anatomy spinoff star Kate Walsh) and Sheldon (the former Dream On star Brian Benben). Both single, both searching.

Sheldon: Is there some glaringly obvious reason why I’m everybody’s second choice?

Addison: Ah, you and me both.

Sheldon: No. Anyone that could choose you, would. You just can’t quite decide what you want.

Addison: Yeah, well, apparently I want everything.

Sheldon: Yeah, you do, and you should get everything. You’re just scared of what it will mean. And being scared…no one lays on a death bed and wishing they had less, less love, no one. So if you love the guy, Addison, for God’s sake, don’t let it get away.

Yes, Addison is lucky. She has a guy she loves in mind. But you don’t need a specific guy or girl in mind. You just need to know how you want to feel with the right person. And when you’re making that mental list, you should want everything and you should get everything. Don’t be scared that asking for it will hold you back. Because asking for it is the one thing that will open your whole world up.

Big love,

Grey’s Anatomy: “Be Positive Tomorrow”

Tuesday, May 18th, 2010

I wanted to answer a question that comes up in dating optimism at some point or another: “Do you always have to be positive about dating?” No. You don’t.

Bailey is a fan of all feelings (Photo: By Ron Tom,

And when I saw the theme of this week’s “Shiny Happy People” episode of Grey’s Anatomy, I thought it was a good time to remind us all of this.

This is how Grey opened the episode:

“It’s a common belief that positive thinking leads to a happier, healthier life. As children we’re told to smile, be cheerful and put on a happy face. As adults, we’re told to look on the bright side, make lemonade and see glasses as half full. Sometimes reality can get in the way of our ability to act the happy part, though. Your health can fail, boyfriends can cheat, friends can disappoint. It’s in these moments when you just want to get real, to drop the act and be your true, scared, unhappy self.”

Later in the episode, when a patient named Amber found out she was going to lose three fingers, her positively-trained reaction was to smile and be grateful that she was alive at all. As her friend said (played by Emma from Glee!) Amber should see the bad news as just a small bump in the big ride of life. But Baily (played by Chandra Wilson) could tell Amber was struggling. She was faking her feelings. So Bailey gave Amber permission to embrace her true, scared, unhappy self instead.

Bailey: “You can cry, Amber, it’s fine. It’s a lot to take in all at once.

Emma from Glee: No, she needs to stay positive. That’s how we get through, we stay positive.

Bailey: She was excited. She was hopeful. She was eager. And that has been crushed. She has the right to have some feelings. She can be positive tomorrow. [to Amber] You can be positive tomorrow.

The truth is, real health and happiness comes from feeling it all. When bad things happen—and bad things do happen to good people, all the time—you may be tempted to try to look on the bright side each and every time. And I encourage you to get better at doing that. But sometimes, the hurt is immense and our heart needs to sit with it for a while. Sometimes we need a good cry so we have the energy to be positive tomorrow.

So if you’ve been going through a rough time and had your hopes in dating, love or life dashed, I say this, as Bailey did: You can cry. It’s fine. Keep wiping tears and writing angry letters that you’ll never send to your ex or to God and keep sobbing it out, because the only way you’ll get past the messy stuff is to empty it from yourself, until you can’t cry another tear and frankly can’t be bothered to. You can be positive tomorrow. And with all those tears shed, you’ll be far more able to.

You might also like:
The Grey’s Way: How Not to Get a Date
Love Lesson from a Serial Killer

Big love,

Well…Why Not?

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

I keep thinking about last week’s episode of Cougar Town. A show, by the way, I now love.

Jules had the right answer, er, question. (Photo:

It went from a manic show where I couldn’t understand a word anyone said to a laugh-out-loud funny one I look forward to every week. And the line that stuck with me from last week was a simple one.

After Jules (played by Courteney Cox) and Grayson (played by Josh Hopkins) started becoming friends with benefits, she suggested the two of them try—really try—having a relationship. When Grayson asked Jules “Why,” she said one thing: “Why not?

Well, I think we could all use a little more “Why not” in our lives—especially if you’re single or dating. Why take advantage of a three-day weekend to take a last-minute discount flight to the Bahamas with your friends? Why not? Why go out with the guy who’s six years younger but absolutely, utterly nuts about you? Why not? Why talk to an interesting-looking stranger at a party instead of your same-old crew in the corner? Why not? If you’ve read Meeting Your Half-Orange, then you know that I’m all about putting your desire for a relationship out there, and then letting life bring you your big surprise. For all you know, your next “Why not?” may just be the thing you need.

So don’t let what you’ve always done get in the way of trying new things. And don’t let fear or rules or someone else’s expectations dictate what you say yes to. This week, branch out and give yourself a “Why not?”

You might also like:
Cougar Town Tip: Do You Need to Cut the Strings?
What’s the Upside? The Tale of the Halo

Big love,

Are You a Cranky Cow?

Friday, April 30th, 2010

I’m behind in 30 Rock, but I caught up yesterday, and had to share part of a recent show.

Negative may be funny, but is it bringing you love?

Negative may be funny, but is it bringing you love?

Whether you haven’t seen it, or saw it and could use some reminding, this is practical useful stuff in dating, no matter who you are, how old you are, or what kind of half-orange you’re looking for.

The setting: Liz Lemon has been dragging herself to singles events (singles dodgeball, singles line dancing) for weeks and she’s over it. She finally brings Jack’s love interest Nancy Donovan (played by Julianne Moore) to a mixer. And after Liz points out all the reasons she doesn’t want to date anyone in the room (i.e. “pants tucked into jeans!”), Nancy says this:

“God, Liz, you’re so negative! Every time you say what you don’t want, you sound like a cranky cow! And you’re not that. You’re smart and you’re fun. So stop talking about what you don’t want and start figuring out what you do want. And then go get it.”

Of course hilary ensues when she does, but the point is there just the same. I was very single for a very long time, so I know what it’s like in the trenches. I know that sometimes it feels really good to point out all the reasons love isn’t going to happen with the guys or girls around who are too tall, too weird, too denim, too bald, too serious, too cheap—the list goes on, I know. Lord knows it gets a laugh sometimes. But the fact is, if you’re only pointing out what you don’t like and don’t want, you’re going to sound, well, like a cranky cow! Do you want cool people you’ve just met to hightail it in the other direction because they don’t want to be around someone so negative? No. Of course not.

So I think that when you talk about yourself and dating, be the positive person others want to be around. Talk about what you do want. And then go get it.

Right? Am I alone in this? Or do you think being hilariously negative about love can be a good thing?

Big love and curiously yours,

Amy Signature 4

You might also like:
The Tightrope Fall of Negative Thinking
Daters, Here’s What You’re Doing Wrong…