Being yourself

Cheering each other on

Monday, October 19th, 2009

The other day, I caught the Nia Vardalos movie My Life in Ruins. Not only did it make me salivate for Greece (sigh), but I recognized what a lot of us go through in life and love in Nia’s character, Georgia, who was feeling frustrated by her life as a travel guide through the country. Instead of being open to all that life had to offer, Georgia was trudging through the motions of her job, feeling hopeless about her love life, and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Sound familiar?

If it does, maybe you’d appreciate the same message Georgia got in the film from the character Irv (played by Richard Dreyfuss), who acted as the movie’s wise “oracle.” His finest moment came, I think, when Georgia was giving Irv reasons why she felt she wasn’t close to the love or life of her dreams. When she was finished, Irv had this to say:

“You’re looking for obstacles rather than looking for magic.”

What a genius line. And what a great thing to challenge yourself with, too, when the walls of difficulty seem too high to climb over. When you look to the future love you want to have, are you looking at the obstacles, or are you open to the magic?

Love is not rational, remember. It’s the one thing in life that whisks away even the most practical, organized, type-A. Love is all about magic. And if you want to invite it into your life, start getting good at believing in it! If you focus on the obstacles to having love (“I work too hard to date,” “No one I like likes me back,” “What’s the point, everyone’s a jerk anyway.”), then obstacles are all you will hit. Look, instead, further along the horizon. Look for the magic.

You might also like:
Oh, Sherri: Her Lessons in Love

Big love,

Tags: frustrating, magic, passion
Posted in At the movies, Being yourself, Optimisms | Comments Off on Your Life’s NOT in Ruins!

Take the Menu Challenge!

Friday, October 16th, 2009

When I was single, I started to worry that I was becoming so set in my ways—what I liked to eat, what time I liked going to bed—I’d have a hard time finding a person to fit into them. After all, the older we get, the more we like things the way we like ’em.

Try something new to show you're open to new

This is natural and healthy, it’s called figuring out who you are. But there is something to the idea that if you keep doing exactly the same thing every single day, you may have a hard time seeing the possibility of a new life with someone else. So here’s an OPTIMISM ASSIGNMENT for you: Order something different off the menu at the place you go to all the time.

I know, I know, you love the chopped salad with the goat cheese. And me, I have the hardest time not ordering the shredded beef Szechuan at my Chinese place. But the thing is, ordering the same thing all the time at the same place is a sign that you may be falling into all sorts of predictable patterns in your life. The same walk home. The same drink out. The same shows on TiVo. But love, as we know, is not predictable. So today, practice doing something unpredictable as a symbol that you are open to new things! To new people, to new dates, to new interests, to a new life with a new partner who’ll make you smile every single morning you wake up—no matter what time you went to bed. Take the menu challenge and see it as a step toward opening up even more for the great relationship you’re meant to have.

You might also like:
The Coffee Test
The Freakin’ Fun Dating List

Big love,

Tags: hungry for love
Posted in Being yourself, Eat your heart out!, Optimisms | Comments Off on Take the Menu Challenge!

The Grey’s Way: How NOT to Get a Date!

Monday, October 12th, 2009

This past week on Grey’s Anatomy had a great lesson on how not to get the attention of the love you’re after. The scene was set when Dr. Cristina Yang (Sandra Oh) felt she wasn’t getting the surgical assignments she expected and felt she deserved as a talented resident.

Begging only gets you so far... (Actress Sandra Oh as Dr. Cristina Yang)

But instead of sitting back and focusing on something else, or in learning new things, Yang became desperate. Oh, and you know what happens when you become desperate…

Yang started asking every doctor if they needed help, even flirting with a doc she’d never worked with to beg her way into surgery. And the more she begged for a surgery rotation, the more turned off her superiors became, and the more they reached for other residents instead. I sure recognized my past in her actions—but when I used to do that, it was in bars or clubs where I had my sights set on snagging a date with a guy.

I know this is TV, but the fact is this: Desperation reeks in life, in work and in love. You’re allowed to

(more…)

Tags: desperate, Grey's Anatomy
Posted in Being yourself, It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off on The Grey’s Way: How NOT to Get a Date!

Live Flirtatiously!

Friday, October 9th, 2009

My friend Maura Kelly has been writing a fabulous blog for Marie Claire magazine called “A Year of Living Flirtatiously.” Don’t you just love that?

Life could use a little more flirting (Image by Gusto, www.gallerygusto.com)

One of my favorite recent posts was one called “6 Tips For Flirting at a Party Full of Strangers.“ In that post, she tells how she met a blogger at a party and impulsively asked him out from across the room with a big smile on her face. Her friendly “what have you got to lose” approach worked like a charm! The next day, she posted this wonderful story called “What Do You Have to Lose If You Don’t Flirt? Everything!“ And this is some of what she passed on:

“Not to sound like a maniac or anything, but every time we miss a chance to meet someone, we miss an opportunity to change our lives!

The world is full of human potential. Brimming over with it! So, while we have world enough, and time, let’s get ourselves out there!

(more…)

Tags: carpe diem, Live Flirtatiously
Posted in Being yourself, In the big wild world, Optimisms | Comments Off on Live Flirtatiously!

The Toils: A Good Thing!

Friday, October 2nd, 2009

Toils are usually seen as a pretty bad thing, being all about work and witches chants (that whole boiling and bubbling, toiling and troubling thing). Well, I’ve started to see the toils in a new light.

Roll with the rough stuff to get to the good stuff! (Image: AS)

It happened while re-painting my living room wall from a sunshine yellow to a more chill Restoration Hardware “Latte” color. I was giddy about painting for days…until my husband and I officially started the job yesterday by taping up all the edges. Ugh, the taping. What could possibly be good about taping, right? Then it hit me: The fact that I’m taping means I’m really close to the fun part!

In fact, all the super-fun things we do in life require some toils. Throwing a big party: fun! Well, after you do all your shopping and heave a dozen bags from your trunk to the kitchen counter and cook for two days. Going to an amusement park: a blast! You know, after you circle the five-acre parking lot and walk half a mile to the entrance. Having a baby: a miracle! After you survive a few months of waddling and that whole labor thing. And that bursting, goose-bump moment when you realize you really really like your date: priceless! But you only get there after you’ve been through a bunch of bummer dates and some lonely nights leading up to it. Like the cusp of brilliant moments (see: Life’s Most Underrated Moment: “The Cusp”) the toils are something to be grateful for.

The toils and troubles—however small they may be—are not the enemy. They’re the necessary gauntlet to get to something you really want. They’re a sign of great things to come. And it’s the toils that’ll make you appreciate what you get like you never would have before. So the next time you’re trudging to a date, a dinner, a meeting or a hardware store, silently thank the toils for what they really mean: You’re that much closer to the good stuff! You may even be in for fun you forgot was coming. Now that we’ve finished painting the wall, I realize there’s an even better part: peeling the tape off like Elmer’s glue from your hands. Ahhhh.

Big love,