The Happy Way to Deal with Rejection

A book from a girl who walks the walk.

I recently finished reading a super quirky book called Elf Girl: A Memoir by “Reverend Jen” Miller. She’s a Lower East Side artist, performer and author who calls herself “the patron saint of the uncool” and likes to refer to her friends and herself as “Art Stars.” The book is a lighthearted version of how she became one. Oh, and did I mention she wears elf ears every day?

I’ll tell you this: If you’re looking for a woman with strong self-esteem who refreshingly lives her life the way she wants to, thank you very much, you’ve found her.

In one section of the book, she makes a list called “How to Be an Art Star.” There, along with the tip “Develop a signature style” (in which she suggests, “A good rule of thumb is to take all of your favorite clothes and put them on all at once”) she also says this:

“Rejection is no big deal. It’s simply a person’s deeming worthless everything into which you’ve poured your mind, heart, and soul. Accept that he or she must be a bad person and move on.”

HA. And there you have it. Best rejection advice I’ve heard all year.

Yeah, rejection stinks. Because whether you’re being dumped from a date, job, project or relationship, it’s pretty personal. They’re either rejecting how you physically look, talk, walk, eat, laugh, dress or wear your hair; or, they’re rejecting how you think, execute, write, sing, create or work. Either way, ouch, right? And yet, it’s basic life math: Not everyone is going to like us or what we create—and that’s a good thing! Can you imagine if we all liked the same exact houses, cars, clothes or songs? We’d be a walking pod of Same People unable to find our cars, driveways or each other because we’d all be exactly alike. How dull.

Luckily, we are all different. We like different parts of town, different car interiors and work spaces, different art, clothes and music. Which means that sometimes, we’ll meet people who hate what we do or who we are. Pfft. Big deal.

As Rev. Jen justifies it, they’re bad people, so move on. Or you know, just plain move on. There are plenty of other people out there who’ll love who you are and what you have to give, exactly as you are.

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