Come Up with YOUR New Story

There are two things I love most about posting on this site:

1) That once I started writing about all the optimism I saw out there in the world—on TV, in books, in speeches, in the actions of others—I found myself feeling even better about life, and more hopeful that we can all learn to be more optimistic.

Hilda (played by Ana Ortiz) on Ugly Betty

2) Hearing from you guys—especially when you find something that reminds you of the site. It’s proof of one major element about dating optimism: With practice, you can see the world through more positive eyes. And I wanted to thank one reader in particular this week for going above-and-beyond in what she found.

While watching Ugly Betty this past week, a reader named Andrea was so moved by a scene, she essentially wrote her own post on it in an email to me, and all I thought when I read it was, “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Why? Because I want you all doing the same thing: I want you to practice finding the positive messages out there in your life and dating experiences, because the more you do it, the sooner it will become second nature.

Here then is (drumroll please…)

Our first Guest Blog Post from Andrea Rodriguez:

Hi Amy,
I just *had* to send this to you. One of my favorite shows is Ugly Betty and I’m sad that its being canceled even though I think its had the best episodes so far since season one. Well last week Betty dated a dude that was cute and smart, but there was a mystery about their relationship that Betty didn’t quite find out until it was too late, and it was extremely humiliating. Anyway, she stands up for herself, but afterward has this conversation with her sister, Hilda.

Betty: This whole time I thought I was the one hiding him, but he was hiding me. And the worse part on some level, I *knew* how this was going to end.
Hilda: Oh come one, come on. You can’t turn this into something that it is not.
Betty: It’s true. Every time I feel like I’m moving forward, someone reminds me that I’m still just the dork with glasses and braces.
Hilda: Yeah, but…those braces will be coming off any day now.
Betty: Yeah but what if nothing changes? Then I’ll have nothing to blame.
Hilda: Oh honey, you gotta stop. Somehow, you got it in your head that this is your story. But you gotta let that go. It’s time to come up with a whole new story for yourself. You are who you are, and the sooner you’re ok with that, the sooner that you see what I see, the happier you’re gonna be. I swear to God.

I just thought it was right up the Half-Orange alley. Not only did Betty, in the back of her mind think it was going to fail…but she kept wonder what was wrong with *her* and her sister points out that nothing is wrong and she has to change the way she sees herself…not the way others see her.

Anyway, everytime I watch it makes me all teary eyed because not only have my friends said this to me countless times, even my ex has said it to me. Before, I would have scoffed at it (“You’re just saying this because you love me”, but my best friend’s fiancé always points out to her—when she says something like this to him, he replies “You have the order wrong. It’s because of this, that I love you.” Sweet, huh?) But now…I’m finally starting to believe it and I suppose that’s why this was so powerful for me. I’m starting to see what all this positive stuff is doing for me and it feels great.

Anyway, I just finished you’re book, turned it over and began in again. It really is starting to work…I even got talked to at a bar yesterday while out with my roommate (nothing happened but it was a reminder that it can). That had never happened! =) I’m just that much closer. Thank you so much for being such a cheerleader for us…us who you don’t even know personally =)

—Andrea

Well done, Andrea! What a great way to express how we all need to take in the right message, and gift ourselves a more flattering story. The message was in Ugly Betty this week, but it might be in your office, or during your commute, or during a conversation with your friends during American Idol commercials. The fact is, if you start digging for the good stuff in yourself and in life, you will change in the right ways for the better.

Do as Hilda said, and as Andrea is starting to do slowly each and every day: Come up with a new story for yourself, a story where you are lovable and awesome and the right guy or girl will be swept away with how lucky they are to meet you. Before you know it, you’ll be getting talked to at bars all over town…

Big love,