I was talking to a single friend of mine this weekend about what she was looking for in a relationship. After she rattled off her list—and it was a long one—she laughed. “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff,” she said. “I guess I want too much, huh.”

Addison Montgomery wants it all.

I used to think the same thing. After all, how could I get all I wanted to feel in a relationship—feeling appreciated, pretty, smart, funny, needed and special—in one succinct and sexy package? Well, you get it by wanting it. By wanting it and asking for it. Just like you only get the In ‘n’ Out burger “Animal Style” with sautéed onions on it if you want it and ask for that!

It brought to mind a week-old episode of Private Practice, which, over its two seasons, has really grown on me. Even that odd little pouty thing Addison keeps doing with her mouth. One scene was based on a conversation between Addison (Grey’s Anatomy spinoff star Kate Walsh) and Sheldon (the former Dream On star Brian Benben). Both single, both searching.

Sheldon: Is there some glaringly obvious reason why I’m everybody’s second choice?

Addison: Ah, you and me both.

Sheldon: No. Anyone that could choose you, would. You just can’t quite decide what you want.

Addison: Yeah, well, apparently I want everything.

Sheldon: Yeah, you do, and you should get everything. You’re just scared of what it will mean. And being scared…no one lays on a death bed and wishing they had less, less love, no one. So if you love the guy, Addison, for God’s sake, don’t let it get away.

Yes, Addison is lucky. She has a guy she loves in mind. But you don’t need a specific guy or girl in mind. You just need to know how you want to feel with the right person. And when you’re making that mental list, you should want everything and you should get everything. Don’t be scared that asking for it will hold you back. Because asking for it is the one thing that will open your whole world up.

Big love,