Posts Tagged ‘Love’

 

The Beauty of Loving

Wednesday, December 31st, 2014

I wanted to share something that warmed my heart.

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Twin Soul Poets, Hamilton and Ingrid, performing their poem “Loving”

I got an email from a gorgeous soul named Ingrid who said she read Meeting Your Half-Orange when she was in a difficult place emotionally and it shifted how she felt about herself and her dating future. As Ingrid put it:

“I had what I considered a breakthrough and an epiphany: ‘The man I’m waiting for already exists, he isn’t going to appear when I meet him. He’s already here, living his life. I don’t need to crane my neck looking for him at a bar or the grocery store. When it’s the right time for us to meet, he’ll show up!'” He did show up. And now the pair are making beautiful poetry together, literally. Ingrid and Hamilton call themselves the “Twin Soul Poets.” And here they are performing their moving poem Loving.

You never know where a partner will appear. You don’t know what he or she will look like, how they’ll sound, what they’ll say. But if you know how you want it to feel when you meet, you will draw your other half — your half-orange, your own twin soul — closer every day.

I hope this inspires you the way it did me. And I wish you all LOVING like this in your Beautiful New Year.

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

Is Your Date Into You? 6 Signs They Are

Wednesday, July 9th, 2014

Another post for the singles here.

Right now, I have quite a few friends firing up their Tinder apps and flirting on OK Cupid and meeting up for quickie cocktails, all in the name of love. And one of the main things they always walk away wondering after almost every date is: Does my date feels the same way about me that I feel about them?

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Dance Party. Image by Amy Spencer

Even if your date has been smiling up a storm or raptly listening to your opinion on the next season of True Detective, he or she could just be acting interested and secretly hoping the evening will end soon. But that’s not to say you need to be in the dark about your date’s true feelings. It turns out there are many signals your date may send that give away what’s really going on—and could mean there’s a real connection and raging chemistry between you two.

So…do you want to know if your date is into you? I pulled together a few signs for the dating site Chemistry.com and wanted to share them with you now. Do any of these seem familiar?

SIGN #1: Your date says your name more than usual. Maybe your date says your first and last name, like, “So, Michael Malone, you up for a night cap after dinner?” Or maybe your date says just your first name three times, like “Jenna, Jenna, Jenna.” Either way, it can be a sign that your date feels so much chemistry, he or she can’t help but connect with your closest possession: your name. But only if your name is said in an enthusiastic way—not in a flat tone like the person behind the counter at the DMV. “Saying someone’s name is like a sign that you’re testing the magic you’re feeling, because you almost can’t believe they’re real,” says body language expert Patti Wood. “It also subconsciously elicits immediate focus from the person whose name is said,” says Wood, which is more proof of the chemistry: If someone is into you, he or she wants your full attention.

It’s an unconscious bit of body language that shows the person is searching for more info about you.

SIGN #2: Your date squints at you. If you watch reality dating shows like The Bachelorette, when one party harbors a crush on the other, they’ll give each other a cute little squint, usually followed by a smile. (Hello, Andi, we’re lookin’ at you!) What gives? It’s an unconscious bit of body language that shows the person is searching for more info about you. “Squinting is typically a gesture of searching deeper into something or testing it,” says Wood. “The same way you’d squint at a diamond to see if it’s real, squinting shows you’re focusing harder to be sure it’s not just a mirage.” And that, she says, is a great sign. That coy little spy tactic shows that your date likes you so much, he or she is looking more closely to see if you could possibly be as great as you seem. (Obviously you are.)

SIGN #3: Your date asks the “why” and “how” questions. During dinner conversation, any polite date will ask you factual things about your family like, “So, do you have brothers and sisters?” But that’s not necessarily a sign they feel chemistry with you. It is a sign of chemistry, however, if they delve deeper and ask more probing questions. As in, “So, how did you get interested in accounting, anyway?” And “Why did you decide to move all the way across the country?” That’s one of the ways New York City dater Jennifer first noticed that she and her date were clicking. “He asked questions about my family — not just the same old questions, but things like, ‘What are your parents like?’ People on first dates don’t really ask these kinds of questions unless they have some intention of meeting them some day.” These challenging questions are a strong sign that the person you’re with is seriously interested in you and not just making polite chit-chat. And in Jennifer’s case? They’re married with a little girl now, so those signs sure were pointed in the right direction.

SIGN #4: Your date gets quiet midway through your time together. Rather than taking your date’s silence as a sign your he or she has lost interest, it could actually be the opposite: Your date may be feeling such a pull toward you that he or she is lost in thought about it. “Sometimes, a person feels such a strong attraction that instead of nodding and following the conversation, he or she is just contemplating you,” says Wood. So the next time your date seems to have missed the whole end of your story, don’t cast the person off too quickly. If you really can’t be sure whether the distraction is a bonus or a sign of boredom, go ahead and ask. “Say to your date, ‘Hey, where’d ya go?’” suggests Sharyn Wolf, CSW, a psychotherapist in New York City and author of Guerilla Dating. “If the person says, ‘What are you talking about?’ or acts defensive about paying attention, that’s not a good sign. But if you get a grin back and a, ‘Sorry, I guess I got distracted,’ that can be a great sign. It shows this new companion may have been imagining a future outing — or just a future — with you!”

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Good off. Image by Amy Spencer

SIGN #5: You hear “you’re” a lot. If your date says to you, “You’re awesome” or “You’re so funny” or “You’re a trip!” or “You’re something else…” then you’re very lucky! Personalizing your admiration or approval of a date means a lot; it’s a strong sign of attraction, while statements like, “That’s awesome” or “That’s funny” don’t mean as much. Using the word you means that the person feels chemistry with you, versus just grooving on your story-telling skills.

SIGN #6: Your date gives you a token of the evening. If your date gives you something you can hold onto and look at later, chances are he or she is feeling chemistry. Jennifer’s date once picked up a pack of matches from the restaurant they were in and said, “Here, for you.” He didn’t say, “Something to remember me by” or “So we’ll always remember this night,” but that, in fact, was the underlying message. It’s a sign that your date wants you to have something to remember him or her by… because clearly this person will be remembering your date as a great one.

Amy Spencer is the author of Meeting Your Half-Orange: An Utterly Upbeat Guide to Dating Optimism to Find Your Perfect Match, which Harper’s Bazaar magazine called “the ultimate pep talk.” And fitness coach Jillian Michaels of The Biggest Loser said, “If you’re single, drop everything and read this book. It will completely change dating for you as you know it.”

Happy Life Trick: Pick a New Year’s Theme Word

Thursday, January 2nd, 2014

Successful companies know a little something about branding. They decide how they want us to view their company, and they run with it. Looking to “save money” on your car insurance? You think Geico. Looking to “think different” about your technology? You might pick Apple. A company can’t be considered a master in comfort, price and innovation. It’s better to pick one element and aim right for it.

Beauty? Peace? Gratitude? Choose a word or phrase for the year that speaks to how you want to live. (Image: Ken Spencer, Hummingbird)

Beauty? Peace? Gratitude? Choose a word or phrase for the year that speaks to how you want to live. (Image: Ken Spencer, Hummingbird)

And the same goes with branding our own lives. To achieve our dreams, we have to know how we want to live, in order to make the choices that get us there.

That’s why, a few years ago, I started giving my life a theme word. One year it was “Authenticity” and another was all about “Passion.” This past year was about “Freedom and Abundance.” So for me this past year, I ran every opportunity past my theme to see if the choice was right for me. Hmm, some extra paying work that also fed my curiosity about a topic I wanted to research? That was an abundant yes.

For 2014, I’m playing around with the ideas of “Fortify” and “Family,” and I want to give you a chance to think about whatyou want from your next year, too.

Try this: Instead of making New Year’s resolutions about little goals in your health or habits, think bigger: Think about how you want to feel in your body, among your friends, as you walk through the world. The come up with an adjective or phrase that best describes that feeling. To make it easy, picture this: You run into an old friend on the street and talk for a bit. Then, she suddenly stops and says, “It’s funny. But looking at you, I see such ______________.” What do you want her to see? What feeling do you want oozing out of your pores? Strength? Contentment? Joy?

Here are some other ideas to get you thinking:

 Brave/Bravery. Perhaps you want to feel more bold with your work choices, your travels, your heart.

• Persistence. One of my friends has said she’s through being told “Maybe” by potential clients, and she’s determined to make her company a success by trying again and again and again until she makes it. And when she’s walked out of another maybe meeting, she’ll think, ‘Persistence, baby,” and throw her shoulders back and schedule another one.

• Love & Tenderness. Maybe you’ve been a bulldog go-getter all year, and you could use a reminder to soften up and make more loving choices in the months ahead.

 Light/Lightness. If this year has been particularly grave and serious, maybe your new year could be about lifting the weights, breathing, letting loose, and letting go.

Take your time. Think about how you want to feel strolling down the sidewalk of life this next year. Go deep. Brand your heart’s choices. And aim for a truly new year.

Big love,

Amy

If you want to receive inspiring posts like this, sign up for my happy email Vitamin Optimism at amyspencer.com.

Dating Decisions: Should You Settle in Love?

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I don’t know if you watched the new show Nashville last night, but being a Connie Britton fan, I had the show’s debut date saved on my iCal. Luckily, I loved it! And one part of the show made me think of the struggle we sometimes have in love. But before I tell you which one, I must say…

Connie Britton as Rayna James in "Nashville" (Image: ABC.com)

SPOILER ALERT! If you haven’t yet seen the Nashville premiere and want to, watch it before reading this post!

The big question on the show was how veteran country star Rayna (Connie Britton) would handle her poor concert sales. She could either A) agree to “co-headline” and open for the former teen mean sensation Juliette (Hayden Panetierre), or B) she’d be on her own, as her record company would no longer promote her album. In other words, should she settle for sharing the stage with someone she didn’t believe in or try to make it on her own?

As Rayna told the record company executive: “You can kiss my decision as it’s walking out the door.” And that’s how I think we should handle those same cheap decisions in love.

When I think back to my dating days, I come across all kinds of dating “deals” I nearly or actually did settle for:

• I either A) only got to see the guy I liked if I met him at some bar after midnight or B) I’d be on my own to find someone who wanted to see me for breakfast, lunch and dinner, too.

• I either A) hung around with a guy I liked who only saw me as a friend or B) I’d be on my own to find someone who wanted a romantic relationship like I did.

• I either A) stayed in a relationship with someone I wasn’t my best self with or B) I’d be on my own to find someone I could shine with.

On paper (or, hey, on computer) these seem like easy choices! But we all know that in love, it’s hard to choose the tougher path. It can be lonely and sometimes scary to be on your own, unsure of what’s to come.

But like Rayna showed last night, it’s really the only way. If you believe in yourself and want the happy, fulfilling life you deserve, then you must choose the path that takes you there. It may be the tougher path. It may be the scarier one. But it’s the only choice you can make if you want your happy ending.

The foundation of dating optimism is that you believe you can have a great love on this earth. So the next time your date or hookup or friends-with-benefits or partner is making you feel “less than” the greatest catch on earth? Tell them they can kiss your decision as it’s walking out the door, too.

Big love,

Amy

You might also like:

 

A Positive Rant: You Are a Catch, You Know

 

 

 

“Q&A: Should I settle for a nice guy I don’t really like?”

10 Ways to Look on the Bright Side of Dogstruction

Friday, March 30th, 2012

My friend Beth recently launched a hilarious website called Dogstruction.com that documents the over-the-top messes our dogs make of our lives.

It’s based on the formula that while you love your pet (or, child or partner or roommate), your pet happens to love your couch, toilet paper, your remote control and your most expensive shoes.

But you know what? There’s a bright side to the dogstruction our doggies make in our lives, too. To prove it, I created a top ten list for Beth to share with her readers—and now I want to share it with you, too!

And whether you have a dog or not, maybe you can see the bright side of your children’s or partner’s mess, too! And so I bring you…

10 Ways to Look on the Bright Side of Dogstruction

1. Remember, the amount of your doggie’s damage is in proportion to how much your dog loves you and wants to be out of that room and hanging with you. So that’s a lot of love.

2. Flip-flop it: That ruined door will make great firewood, after all, and the hole in the drywall? Well, you were looking for the perfect opportunity to put in an outlet in that corner….

3. If doggie didn’t mess stuff up, your house would always look just as you left it. Yawn. How boring is that?

4. The truth is, those blinds/cushions/walls weren’t worthy of you—they being an hour or more old already. Really, you deserve to get (yet another) brand new version of it.

5. Okay, you’re looking at all that your dog destroyed. But then, look at what he or she didn’t destroy. Chances are there’s something else in that room you can be grateful survived your dog’s wrath! This time, anyway.

6. Well, the worse the damage, the better the story to share at your next party. Hey, if you’re really lucky, maybe your dog will destroy your bedroom and laundry room next time!

7. True art is one of a kind, right? Well, enjoy your new art. No one has a bench or window or crate or toy that looks exactly like that, with the stamp of your “artist’s” teeth and paws all over it.

8. Technically, it is just stuff. Stuff you loved, but still, it’s just stuff. At least your true heart and soul—that dog of yours—is safe and okay.

9. Be honest: Did you have something better to photograph and put online to make your friends laugh this week?

10. Sigh. Look at that guilty face. Look at that adorable guilty face. You know you love it. Because despite the maddening dogstruction in your home, your life is so much better with your doggie—or kid or partner—in it.

Check out the hilarious dogstruction.com—or Google photos of the messes other people have had to clean up. Because, really, nothing puts your mess in perspective faster than knowing someone else has had it worse.

Big love,