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Man Advice from a 1943 Classic? You Bet.

August 10th, 2009

I’m embarrassed it took me this long to read A Tree Grows in Brooklyn. In fact, I’ll admit, after skimming the page cover one day in the bookstore years ago, I saw the “family growing up in 1939” bit and just wasn’t in a Depression-era kind of mood. I think I read Candace Bushnell’s Trading Up instead. (And, well, I loved that, too. Bushnell sure can weave a good story.)

In any case, I finally feasted on this wonderful book by Betty Smith, and it was absolutely delicious. I can’t recommend it enough, whatever “mood” you’re in. But I’d like to draw attention to the part of the book that contains some of the best man advice I’ve seen in a while…

“Francie felt sorry for Flossie. She never gave up hope no matter how many times she lost out with Frank. Flossie was always running after men and they were always running away from her. Francie’s Aunt Sissy ran after men, too. But somehow they ran to meet her halfway. The difference was that Flossie Gaddis was starved about men, and Sissy was healthily hungry about them. And what a difference that made.”

Don’t you just love that? Smith knew what she was talking about, and it’s great advice: Don’t feel starved for love. Feel healthily hungry.

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

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Posted in Being yourself, It is written

Walk Toward the Rattlesnakes in Love

July 5th, 2009

Love bites sometimes Love bites sometimes

I was hiking with my sister Liz the other day on a Malibu trail in L.A. that cut into the backside of a mountain. On our way down, with her two dogs, she was steps in front of me when we both heard the eerily chilling sound (chk chk chk chk chk chk chk chk!) of a rattlesnake inches from our feet on the path. She lept a few feet, and yelled at the dogs to run and at me to back up.

After we caught our breath, we realized that up there, on the hill, we had no snake bite kit, no extra water, no tools to fix things should we need to. But then I realized this: If we’d ever stopped to review all the possible dangers on the trip ahead, we may never have taken the trail in the first place.

Really, it’s just like love. I know that in my single days, after being blown off or rejected by a few guys over a few months, I started avoiding situations with potential danger to my heart (i.e. rejection). But the fact is, if you want to gain the joy that life has to offer, you have to walk into dangerous spots where you might get your heart hurt. You may not get hurt—just like we didn’t get bitten—but sometimes you have to take the chance.

But of course, avoid the actual snakes (you know, the guys who will wring your sweetness dry) in your search for love! Now, they could kill ya.

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

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Posted in In the big wild world

An Incurable Optimist Has Dating Advice, Too

June 24th, 2009

Michael J. Fox has a new book out, called Always Looking Up: The Adventures of an Incurable Optimist, and he’s been appearing on TV to promote it recently. He said something on Oprah a few weeks ago that I haven’t stopped thinking about since.

I’m paraphrasing here, but what he said on that episode was essentially: “You can’t choose everything that happens to you, but you can choose how you respond to it.” In Michael’s case, he was talking about how he can’t control his Parkinson’s Disease, but he can control how he feels when he eats breakfast, or meets new people, or thinks about his condition. Well, in a much less physical way, you can think about your singleness and dating the same way.

No, you may not have “that someone” in your life right now, and you may not feel you can control that. (I beg to differ, and will tell you how to completely take back control in my book.) But one thing you can control right now is your attitude. You can control if you smile or not today, if you decide to go on that blind date or not, and if you decide to gain something positive from having drinks with a new guy…or not. The next time you feel helplessly bummed the heck out, look for a minute at what you can control. Your singleness is not a be-all, end-all. It’s a temporary state of being. So change how you feel about it today—just today—and realize that your happiness and future really is in your hands.

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

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Posted in It is written

Love Doesn’t Need to be Quite So Tough…

April 20th, 2009

I have to say, I’m loving VH1’s Tough Love. At first, I was wary of it—I knew that if a guy walked into my life and started telling me all the things I was doing wrong, I’d stiffen up and tell him (in my mind) to screw off, the way I can tell these women are. (I mean, I’m far too fearful of confrontation to actually tell someone to “Screw off” using real life words.)

Sometimes tougher than it has to be?

Sometimes tougher than it has to be?

The more I watch the show, though, the more I can see that Steve Ward seems to be a good-hearted guy who’s really trying to bring about a positive change for single women. It definitely makes good TV to see Steven lay the “tough love” on the girls by telling them what all their problems and missteps and issues and mistakes are, but I also can’t help but notice that the warm fuzzy moments of the show when the women seem happiest are when he’s actually telling them they’re doing something right.

As far as I can tell, that’s when the women relax and settle into themselves. That’s when the women come out of their hard-dipped shells and soften up. That’s when the women become the kind of girls that men want to settle down with. And that’s what I wish more single women focused on more often! Though one single girl always seemed to have her spirits up: Abiola Abrams, an awesomely wise and funny woman who was a guest on my Sirius radio show last year—and a pure joy in the studio. Good job on the show, “Goddess” Abiola!

But here’s what I say about tough love speeches: I say, stop listening to people who are telling you all the things you’re doing wrong, and start thinking about all the things you’re doing right. Love isn’t a contest. It’s not about being first or perfect or number 1. It’s simply a journey of two people zig-zagging their way toward each other. It sometimes gets messy and it sometimes feels bad that it’s taking so long. But instead of thinking about all the wrong turns you’ve made, think about all the great stuff you’ve seen along the way! And remember this: By just being yourself and hoping for the best, you’re doing the right thing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Big love,

Amy Signature 4

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Posted in Being yourself, It's on TV

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