“I’ve recently met a guy who’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met He’s kind, funny, smart, respectful, handsome and goal-oriented. I don’t want to ruin a possible long-term relationship with him by having sex too soon. But how long do I wait?” —T.

Hi T.,

Thanks for writing. What a great question! And I’ve got a short answer for it: There is no time line. I think waiting is a great way to separate this relationship from others by making it clear you take it seriously and want to develop a personal relationship before a sexual one. As far as when to call it, I think it will truly be something that you will know when you get there. The same way that you were able to realize that this guy made waiting worth it, you will get to a point where you realize you’ve waited long enough.

The reason that I can’t give you a specific answer is that if you force yourself to stick to a “this-many-days” or “this-many-weeks” it could feel false by the time you reach your mark, because every relationship develops differently. So by tuning into your gut and how you feel about your personal relationship, I think you’ll better be able to tell you’re ready. They say about love “When you know, you know.” I think the same will happen here.


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