“I was recently stood up by someone I had been out with a few times and liked. He had asked me to come over and help him with something, but when I got there he wasn’t there. He later said he hadn’t checked his email after I sent my message, so he didn’t think it was definite. He apologized and admitted it was rude of him, and asked me if I still wanted to “hang out.” My dilemma is how to interpret this as a dating optimist. In my eyes, it was a sign that I really wasn’t important to him, he must not be that into me, and I deserve to find a guy who would be so thrilled to have me over his house that he wouldn’t have missed it (I thought of your recent “A Miyagi “Love” Moment” post when this happened!) A friend however, thinks I should be forgiving and understand that guys just do this kind of thing even to people they really like because they are bad at multi-tasking. She thinks his apology was sincere and nice and proof enough that he really is into me. I’m wondering what your take is?” —Lisa

Hi Lisa,

Thanks so much for writing and for such a great question! I love that you’re reading the posts and taking in the info. The short answer is: I think that your gut is going to tell you what to do. I wasn’t there when you showed up at his house and he wasn’t there (but man, aargh!) and I didn’t hear what he sounded like when he asked to “hang out.” But you—through the experiences you’ve had in life, the men you’ve known, the people you’ve been treated well and poorly by—are the best radar for what’s going on. Without you even realizing it, you are able to pick up cues about his behavior and the tone of his voice and his sincerity or lack of it. So tune into that feeling in your belly of how you want to feel in your ideal relationship, and if the way he makes you feel when he does show up matches that feeling, go with it! If not, maybe he’s not be the right one.

I see your side, that if he was really digging you, he would have been waiting by that email counting the seconds until you wrote back. But your friend has a point. Guys can be clueless and maybe he just messed up. Maybe a little life got in the way. One mistake should not a break up make. We all mess up sometimes, and if it really was genuine and he really does dig you big time the way you deserve, then that will come through in the next days or dates.

So my take is don’t write him off for one blown moment, but now more than ever, tune into your gut about whether that was one moment or a sign of how he feels overall. You deserve to feel shiny and glowing and special with the right one! And deep down, if you’re looking, you’ll be able to tell whether or not he’s the guy who can make you feel that way. I hope that helps and can’t wait to hear how it turns out!

—Amy

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