I met an awesome guy three weeks ago, and I have this feeling he’s my half-orange! I think I should be staying in the present moment, but I can’t help but envision a future with him, and I’m afraid I’m holding on so tightly, I’ll squash what’s great. —C.

Thanks for the question, C! It’s totally natural to envision a future with a guy, especially one you can really see a true, happy future with. So don’t feel pressure to stop seeing that. But if thinking this way is making you “afraid” you’ll “squash” him? Read your own words there. You don’t want to be coming at any relationship with either fear you’ll ruin it or fear you’ll squash the good stuff. So as much as it’s possible when you see him next, take a few deep breaths, smile, cool down your emotional brain, slow down your pace, and try to enjoy your time together in a light, positive way.

If it helps, focus on some of the in-the-moment elements (sights, sounds, scents) that you enjoy about being with him, to keep your eye on the present as much as possible: The sound of his voice or laugh, the way you feel relaxed in your shoulders and face when you talk with him, the taste of the food you’re eating. My post on How to Live in the Moment might give you some other ideas and keep you focused on the present instead of mentally forcing him into a box of your future.

It’s like something I was telling a friend of mine recently. She worried she was being too eager and pushy with the guy she was seeing, so I told her and I’m telling you: Instead of sitting forward, sit back—literally and figuratively. If you’re at a table, instead of leaning forward on your elbows or in the chair, lean back. Take a deep breath. Take it in. Or, in general, sit back with your approach, and enjoy it as it unfolds each second.

Because, by the way, if he is your half-orange, you don’t want to miss enjoying these fun, early moments of dating, when things are still unknown and fresh and new. Bask in how fun that is, rather than looking too far or even rushing it toward the future. The future is long and you’ll have plenty of time for it!


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