“How do you know if someone is really your half-orange and how soon can you tell?” —R.

Hi R.,

Ask your gut, which I like to think of it as asking if your two major systems see a “Go.” Your gut is like a perfect blend of your emotional half and your logical half. If your emotional half is gung-ho about it, you can check in with your logical half and look at it from that point of view: Is he a good fit for you? Will he keep you safe and look out for your best interests and allow you to be your best self, and be a good partner as you go forward? Do his morals and his drive and plans for life match up with yours?

If you happened to make that Big Love List I wrote about in Meeting Your Half-Orange, where you address how you want to feel in a relationship , go through that list and see if it matches. If you want to feel smart…does he let you feel that way? If you want to feel sexy and funny…does he let you feel that way? If you want to feel protected and safe and taken care of…you get the idea. (If you haven’t made a Big Love List, go to my OPTIMISM WORKSHOP: Your Big Love List and whip one up!)

If your heart is in, now is the time to step back and see if your brain agrees. It may find little things that don’t matter (“I pictured a guy who wore better shoes”), but if it finds things that are more serious (“Hmm, he talks an awful lot about stealing from his friends”) it’s worth a serious debate.

You can know someone is your half-orange pretty quickly. Or, it can take a minute to realize a gem you have in front of you. There is no hard, fast rule on timing. Your gut will know. Ask it.


Comments are closed.