Hey Caroline,

Thanks for the question! But, see, this is where social media confuses things. If all you had was a phone and he didn’t call it, you’d have your answer: He’s not interested enough to follow up. But in the world of “Friending” and cold messaging it can get complicated.

Here’s my thing: I’m a believer that when men want to take you out, they ask you out—the He’s Just Not That Into You theory. If this guy really wants to have that Guacamole-off, he should call or email or text and ask you. He’s the one who brought it up, so he should be the one doing the work!

If, however, you’re more the, “Oh, what the hell, I’m a modern woman and I’d rather find out once and for all” type, here’s what I’d suggest: If you Facebook message him, provide a direct invite—and I mean a direct invite. Don’t just say, “You should come to Los Feliz sometime,” which still leaves things hanging. Instead, say something like, “What are you up to next Tuesday?” and have some idea for something to do—just the two of you—like a specific sushi happy hour or, of course, that guacamole-off. Then he’ll either accept or he’ll decline and you’ll know if he’s either into you or if he’s not. You either stay or you go. You either chop some avocados or you don’t.

What you don’t want is for the two of you to randomly reference maybe hanging out some day for the next four months and it just fizzling into nothing. Why? Because all the little things you do along the way to a date add up to something big. Every text you send, every Facebook posting you reply to, every date you jump at, these are all creating an impression of you as a whole. And letting a guy drag out the social media communication for days or weeks or months is only creating the impression of you that you can be dragged along. Don’t let him do that! So make your decision and make it fast. Either you ask him out or you lose his number and see if he comes to his senses.

The news might not be good after you strike the gavel with your decision, but at least you will know either way if this is going to happen right now. And once you know, you can either give him a shot at your heart, or keep it wide open for someone else who can better appreciate it!

What do you guys think? Should she Facebook message him? Ask him out? Ignore him?

Amy

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 14th, 2009 at 10:00 am and is filed under Let's Talk. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.