At the movies

Cheering each other on

Your Life’s NOT in Ruins!

Monday, October 19th, 2009

The other day, I caught the Nia Vardalos movie My Life in Ruins. Not only did it make me salivate for Greece (sigh), but I recognized what a lot of us go through in life and love in Nia’s character, Georgia, who was feeling frustrated by her life as a travel guide through the country. Instead of being open to all that life had to offer, Georgia was trudging through the motions of her job, feeling hopeless about her love life, and seeing no light at the end of the tunnel. Sound familiar?

If it does, maybe you’d appreciate the same message Georgia got in the film from the character Irv (played by Richard Dreyfuss), who acted as the movie’s wise “oracle.” His finest moment came, I think, when Georgia was giving Irv reasons why she felt she wasn’t close to the love or life of her dreams. When she was finished, Irv had this to say:

“You’re looking for obstacles rather than looking for magic.”

What a genius line. And what a great thing to challenge yourself with, too, when the walls of difficulty seem too high to climb over. When you look to the future love you want to have, are you looking at the obstacles, or are you open to the magic?

Love is not rational, remember. It’s the one thing in life that whisks away even the most practical, organized, type-A. Love is all about magic. And if you want to invite it into your life, start getting good at believing in it! If you focus on the obstacles to having love (“I work too hard to date,” “No one I like likes me back,” “What’s the point, everyone’s a jerk anyway.”), then obstacles are all you will hit. Look, instead, further along the horizon. Look for the magic.

You might also like:
Oh, Sherri: Her Lessons in Love

Big love,

Tags: frustrating, magic, passion
Posted in At the movies, Being yourself, Optimisms | Comments Off on Your Life’s NOT in Ruins!

Want to Be Where You’re Not? Learn from American Movie

Tuesday, October 13th, 2009

I finally saw American Movie for the first time. I know, I know, I’m ten years behind on the Chris Smith documentary about amateur Wisconsin filmmaker Mark Borchardt, who is determined to make his first feature-length horror film, Northwestern. Yet as passionate about it as he was, and as knowledgeable and well-spoken about the filmmaking process, Mark kept hitting a wall to success: his stars and extras kept backing out, his bills piling up, and his hopes kept getting dashed again and again.

At one point, his girlfriend Joan said this of his quest for fame and fortune:

He wants to be somewhere where he’s not. But then, don’t most people want to be somewhere where they’re not?

I found what she said so simple, yet so important. Sometimes,

(more…)

Tags: American Movie, frustrating, perseverence
Posted in At the movies, Optimisms | Comments Off on Want to Be Where You’re Not? Learn from American Movie

Matthew McConaughey Can’t Face You (Seriously. . .He Can’t!)

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009

When I started seeing the ads for today’s DVD release of this year’s Matthew McConaughey/Jennifer Garner movie, Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, I noticed something awfully curious happening in the movie poster—which is also evidence of a creeping trend in McConaughey’s career of movie posters: He simply can’t seem to face his co-stars! What might a pose like this say about a guy in real life if you’re looking for a relationship?

Well, I’ll give you my two cents, but first, more examples. For lest you think this is the first time Matthew has struck the pose, think again. His backhand has been at it for quite some time…

It all began in 2003, when Matthew and Kate Hudson sparred on screen in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The Leaning Tower of Matt symbolizes he is an equal adversary, a cunning man who won’t bend. But of course, though his hands are smugly safe in his pockets, he and his lady are touching just enough to make her want him.

But the leaning tower of Matt had only just begun…

…

In 2006, Matthew took on a new opponent in love: Sarah Jessica Parker, in Failure to Launch. This time, he’s leaning so far onto her, she needs to haul ass with her full body weight to get him off of her, let alone out of his parents’ house. . . let alone into a movie people liked more than this one.

…

In 2008, Matthew joined his former ally for another McConaughey/Hudson match up, this time in Fool’s Gold. The American movie poster went a different way (they actually are sort of facing each other) but we can’t ignore that the pose was struck, revealing that Matthew has, again, gone back-to-back with his female counterpart—though he found a new place to put his hands: across his chest, symbolizing how staunch and stubborn he really is.

…

Even in 2008’s Surfer Dude, when there was nothing to love but a seven-foot piece of resin-coated polyurethane foam, he couldn’t help but turn his back on his own surfboard. Sigh.

Now, I don’t think this says as much about Matthew as it does the marketing departments working on his films. In fact, I met him and Kate Hudson at his place in Malibu last year to help arrange a Glamour magazine interview, and he was a total gentleman. He offered me a hot tea while he went to take a shower—and he at no point leaned on me. Still, it made me think about the kinds of male characters he’s representing: players, usually; know-it-alls; a little smug, a lot smarmy. In other words: exactly the kinds of guys single women should be wary of dating!

I mean, look at the body language: His back is to the women and his arms are either crossed or on himself—both signs of a guy who is not open to a relationship with you. Yes, it’s fun to take on the challenge of turning a self-assured man into a bumbling idiot in love with you, but that involves a lot of tears and frustration, and doesn’t always end happy.

Happy endings, though? Those usually involve an adoring man, on his knees professing his love and meaning it. That’s what you want, women. Keep an eye out for the guys who want to face you with arms open, who aren’t poised to walk in the other direction. The happy ending is all you’re looking for. You don’t need to wade through the ups and downs of a leaning man leading you on first. So single women…watch your back and look for someone who’s into leaning on each other, face-to-face, heart-to-heart.

Big love,

Tags: body language, Glamour, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, Kate Hudson, leaning tower of Matt, Matthew McConaughey
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Julie & Julia: Your Optimism Gurus!

Sunday, August 16th, 2009

I finally saw Julia & Julia. I actually caught a late-afternoon show, which felt more like I’d hit an early bird special. And I don’t know about you, but I found it perfectly satisfying. (I also found it made me really hungry, but that’s what the supersize popcorn special was for.) And, as a dating optimist, I realized that both characters are an inspiration for how to embrace optimism—whether you’re feeding your belly to feeding your heart.

Here’s how to get what they had:

A woman determined

1. Have passion for your goal. It’s hard to succeed in something you don’t care two shakes about. They both loved food and writing, and used the passion in their guts to keep them motivated.

Daters should do the same: If you’ve lost the passion to find love itself (“What’s the freaking point?”) it’s time to get it back. Want it. Live it. Breathe it. Believe it.

2. See success at the end of the long road. Julia Child knew it wasn’t going to be easy to gain respect or success as a woman in her field. And Julie Powell knew that cooking and blogging on an insane schedule wasn’t going to be cake either. But both saw the light at the end of the tunnel and decided they were going to succeed.

You can do that in love too: Decide you are going to get the love you want. It may be a tough, bumpy road, but if you see yourself succeeding at the end, you’ll have more fun along the way.

Persevering when she wanted to quit

3. Don’t let set-backs stop you. Both Julie and Julia had some missteps in the film: Some dropped chickens, some rejected cookbooks, some mis-flipped food, some missed appointments. Yes they got mad. Yes they got sad. But then they got their eyes back on the prize and carried on.

Same with love: You will have bad dates and lonely nights and will want to give up. But if you stay strong and positive, you can end up with a happy ending…and maybe even a movie deal!

Suffice it to say, the characters’ love lives were an inspiration, too: Everyone deserves a partner as supportive and proud of their strong, spunky wife.

In any case, the next time you’re feeling like you want to ball up and cry on the kitchen floor, remember Julie & Julia and what they can teach us: We’ve all been there. (Oh, have I been there…) This too shall pass. And someday, I swear, when you’re settled into your happy relationship, you’ll find your former breakdowns really funny. In the meantime, keep smiling and eat well.

Big love,