“I met this guy when I was on the downward spiral of a breakup. Sparks definitely flew and I wasn’t expecting to be wow’ed so quickly. The problem is, I am starting graduate school and he is finishing up one more semester in college…five hours away, and taking his LSATs. I’m wondering: Can you meet your half-orange and the timing can be all wrong? Or is my half-orange someone else out there?” —M.

Hi M.,

Thanks so much for writing. My short answer: Of course it’s possible to meet your half-orange and have the timing wrong! That’s what happened with me: I knew my now-husband as a kid and dated him briefly in our college years, but I wasn’t near ready for the real thing when I was 20. But it doesn’t mean that if you think this guy is your half-orange, that you should, say, wait around and sit tight for four years until he’s ready to be with you.

As the genius Marianne Williamson says, relationships are assignments. (Note: She talks a lot about God, but believes that every God is who we decide it to be, from a being to an energy in the universe, so if you’re not religious, don’t let that scare you off! Your God can be whomever or whatever you believe.) In her book Return to Love, she says this:

“He appraises who can learn most from whom at any given time, and then assigns them to each other. Like a giant computer, He knows exactly what combination of energies, in exactly what context, would do the most to further God’s plan for salvation. No meetings are accidental.”

In other words, every relationship is meant to teach us something—either about ourselves or life or what we want or what we don’t. And whatever happens with this guy (who you either still think is great, or you’re totally over him by now!) you’ve connected with him for a reason. Maybe it’s to learn that you can feel those sparks and like him with your mind as well. Maybe it’s to help heal your last break-up. Whatever you learn, this relationship is right for you right now and that’s the most you need to know. If he’s meant to be your true other half in life or marriage, that will happen, and you won’t feel like you’re pushing for it or pining for it. The right relationship feels natural, like an extra limb of your body, easy and good for you.

So, I hope that helps. And I thank you for writing and following the blog and reading the book. I hope it has helped in the way you look at who you date and at your perspective in life overall. Just remember that everyone you meet and every experience you have is preparing you for that right relationship. So if this isn’t the big one, it’s a vital step along the path to the big one.

—Amy

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 12th, 2010 at 12:41 am and is filed under Let's Talk. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.