I have to say, I’m loving VH1’s Tough Love. At first, I was wary of it—I knew that if a guy walked into my life and started telling me all the things I was doing wrong, I’d stiffen up and tell him (in my mind) to screw off, the way I can tell these women are. (I mean, I’m far too fearful of confrontation to actually tell someone to “Screw off” using real life words.)

Sometimes tougher than it has to be?

The more I watch the show, though, the more I can see that Steve Ward seems to be a good-hearted guy who’s really trying to bring about a positive change for single women. It definitely makes good TV to see Steven lay the “tough love” on the girls by telling them what all their problems and missteps and issues and mistakes are, but I also can’t help but notice that the warm fuzzy moments of the show when the women seem happiest are when he’s actually telling them they’re doing something right.

As far as I can tell, that’s when the women relax and settle into themselves. That’s when the women come out of their hard-dipped shells and soften up. That’s when the women become the kind of girls that men want to settle down with. And that’s what I wish more single women focused on more often! Though one single girl always seemed to have her spirits up: Abiola Abrams, an awesomely wise and funny woman who was a guest on my Sirius radio show last year—and a pure joy in the studio. Good job on the show, “Goddess” Abiola!

But here’s what I say about tough love speeches: I say, stop listening to people who are telling you all the things you’re doing wrong, and start thinking about all the things you’re doing right. Love isn’t a contest. It’s not about being first or perfect or number 1. It’s simply a journey of two people zig-zagging their way toward each other. It sometimes gets messy and it sometimes feels bad that it’s taking so long. But instead of thinking about all the wrong turns you’ve made, think about all the great stuff you’ve seen along the way! And remember this: By just being yourself and hoping for the best, you’re doing the right thing. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Big love,