Love — The Life Optimist

Posts Tagged ‘Love’

Dating Decisions: Should You Settle in Love?

Thursday, October 11th, 2012

I don’t know if you watched the new show Nashville last night, but being a Connie Britton fan, I had the show’s debut date saved on my iCal. Luckily, I loved it! And one part of the show made me think of the struggle we sometimes have in love. But before I tell you which one, I must say…

Connie Britton as Rayna James in "Nashville" (Image: ABC.com)

SPOILER ALERT! If you haven’t yet seen the Nashville premiere and want to, watch it before reading this post!

The big question on the show was how veteran country star Rayna (Connie Britton) would handle her poor concert sales. She could either A) agree to “co-headline” and open for the former teen mean sensation Juliette (Hayden Panetierre), or B) she’d be on her own, as her record company would no longer promote her album. In other words, should she settle for sharing the stage with someone she didn’t believe in or try to make it on her own?

As Rayna told the record company executive: “You can kiss my decision as it’s walking out the door.” And that’s how I think we should handle those same cheap decisions in love.

When I think back to my dating days, I come across all kinds of dating “deals” I nearly or actually did settle for:

• I either A) only got to see the guy I liked if I met him at some bar after midnight or B) I’d be on my own to find someone who wanted to see me for breakfast, lunch and dinner, too.

• I either A) hung around with a guy I liked who only saw me as a friend or B) I’d be on my own to find someone who wanted a romantic relationship like I did.

• I either A) stayed in a relationship with someone I wasn’t my best self with or B) I’d be on my own to find someone I could shine with.

On paper (or, hey, on computer) these seem like easy choices! But we all know that in love, it’s hard to choose the tougher path. It can be lonely and sometimes scary to be on your own, unsure of what’s to come.

But like Rayna showed last night, it’s really the only way. If you believe in yourself and want the happy, fulfilling life you deserve, then you must choose the path that takes you there. It may be the tougher path. It may be the scarier one. But it’s the only choice you can make if you want your happy ending.

The foundation of dating optimism is that you believe you can have a great love on this earth. So the next time your date or hookup or friends-with-benefits or partner is making you feel “less than” the greatest catch on earth? Tell them they can kiss your decision as it’s walking out the door, too.

Big love,

Amy

You might also like:

A Positive Rant: You Are a Catch, You Know

“Q&A: Should I settle for a nice guy I don’t really like?”

Tags: Connie Britton, decision, Hayden Panettiere, Juliette, Love, Nashville, optimism, Rayna, settle
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off

10 Ways to Look on the Bright Side of Dogstruction

Friday, March 30th, 2012

My friend Beth recently launched a hilarious website called Dogstruction.com that documents the over-the-top messes our dogs make of our lives.

It’s based on the formula that while you love your pet (or, child or partner or roommate), your pet happens to love your couch, toilet paper, your remote control and your most expensive shoes.

But you know what? There’s a bright side to the dogstruction our doggies make in our lives, too. To prove it, I created a top ten list for Beth to share with her readers—and now I want to share it with you, too!

And whether you have a dog or not, maybe you can see the bright side of your children’s or partner’s mess, too! And so I bring you…

10 Ways to Look on the Bright Side of Dogstruction

1. Remember, the amount of your doggie’s damage is in proportion to how much your dog loves you and wants to be out of that room and hanging with you. So that’s a lot of love.

2. Flip-flop it: That ruined door will make great firewood, after all, and the hole in the drywall? Well, you were looking for the perfect opportunity to put in an outlet in that corner….

3. If doggie didn’t mess stuff up, your house would always look just as you left it. Yawn. How boring is that?

4. The truth is, those blinds/cushions/walls weren’t worthy of you—they being an hour or more old already. Really, you deserve to get (yet another) brand new version of it.

5. Okay, you’re looking at all that your dog destroyed. But then, look at what he or she didn’t destroy. Chances are there’s something else in that room you can be grateful survived your dog’s wrath! This time, anyway.

6. Well, the worse the damage, the better the story to share at your next party. Hey, if you’re really lucky, maybe your dog will destroy your bedroom and laundry room next time!

7. True art is one of a kind, right? Well, enjoy your new art. No one has a bench or window or crate or toy that looks exactly like that, with the stamp of your “artist’s” teeth and paws all over it.

8. Technically, it is just stuff. Stuff you loved, but still, it’s just stuff. At least your true heart and soul—that dog of yours—is safe and okay.

9. Be honest: Did you have something better to photograph and put online to make your friends laugh this week?

10. Sigh. Look at that guilty face. Look at that adorable guilty face. You know you love it. Because despite the maddening dogstruction in your home, your life is so much better with your doggie—or kid or partner—in it.

Check out the hilarious dogstruction.com—or Google photos of the messes other people have had to clean up. Because, really, nothing puts your mess in perspective faster than knowing someone else has had it worse.

Big love,

Tags: bright side, Bright Side Up, damage, dogs, dogstruction, Love
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The Weird Benefit of The “Never Date Again” Strategy

Friday, January 7th, 2011

The what?!? I mean, let’s be honest, this isn’t a strategy for people who want to be in a relationship, is it? Well, not for the most part, no. But when the idea came up on the most recent episode of Parenthood, I couldn’t help but see some dating optimism in one character’s funny anti-dating message. (Check out my other Parenthood post, too, Why You Must Put Yourself Out There.)

Julia and Sarah Braverman, who hang out for girl's night. (Image: NBC.com)

The scene: Sarah (Lauren Graham) walked into her lawyer sister Julia (Erika Christensen)’s office and announced she had a new plan. This is what Sarah said:

“I made a New Year’s resolution, one I can really keep. I have decided, I am never going to date anyone. ever. again. Right? Because I want to have fun this year, and my relationships are not fun. Ergo, to wit, don’t have any. (I’m using a little legal jargon there for your comfort.) I’m gonna do fun things. I’m gonna go to museums and, uh, you know, read more. I’m gonna have a girl’s night out with my sister.”

The girl’s night out ended up being a funny wine-fest in (followed by a morning in the kitchen that made me laugh out loud when Sarah said “We’re flavored-coffee-drinking losers!”). And Sarah didn’t change her feelings about dating during the episode. So what did I like about it?

I liked the wise idea to take the focus off of dating for a minute. The way I see it, your path toward love isn’t about the guy or girl you want in it; it’s about you. Don’t just find three people who will go out with you and schedule some quick dates for next week; instead, make sure you’re in a place where you are mad happy with who you are and excited about the prospect of sharing your awesome life with someone before you go on those three dates!

Sarah was just burned by love and may not be able to come at dating with an open mind just yet. But she has a great idea here. If you’re not wildly in love with your life yet—if you’re not giddy about the person you are and certain that the right guy or girl will be lucky as hell to be with you—then find a way to fall in love with your life. Do fun things. Go to a museum. Read more. Knit. Box. Mountain climb. Dance. Learn Italian. Volunteer. Go out with your friends to places you’re not likely to meet someone (uh, senior citizens Bingo night, anyone?) so you don’t feel the pressure to work it.

Find a way to feel damn great about who you are and what’s coming down the pike in love and you’ll attract your half-orange faster, and be ready as ever for them when you meet.

Right? Is there anything you can think of that you could do this week that would make you feel happier with your life? What would make you feel so proud of you, you couldn’t wait to date a great person to tell them all about it?

You might also like:

8 Reasons to Go Out Tonight!

Big love,

Tags: dating, fun-loving girl, half-orange, Love, optimist, relaxing, self-doubting, single
Posted in It's on TV, Optimisms | Comments Off

Your U2 Moment of Surrender

Monday, October 26th, 2009

I went to the U2 concert in the Pasadena Rose Bowl last night. And man, it was a show in the U2 tent before we even set foot in the stadium: Ewan McGregor, Colin Farrell, Chris O’Donnell, Cindi Crawford, Barbra Streisand—Barbra Streisand!—Buzz Aldrin, Slash, Angie Harmon, Pierce Brosnan, Jeanne Tripplehorn, Herbie Hancock…definitely one of the wackiest collection of people I’ve seen in a while. And the actual concert?

Bono on U2's 360 tour (Image: U2.com)

Well, like all U2 concerts, it was a 100,000-crowd strong spectacle of light, sound, brilliance, and Bono leaping in circles around the stage. When The Streets Have No Name came on, there was no place in the world I wanted to be. All in a all, as usual, a perfectly awesome show.

I’ve listened to their album No Line on the Horizon lots this year, but the lyrics that struck me most last night were from the song they closed with, Moment of Surrender:

“Two souls too smart to be in the realm of certainty, even on our wedding day.

It’s not if I believe in love, it’s if love believes in me. Oh, believe in me.”

The reason I love that so much? Well, people who’ve fallen madly love—me included, I admit—often can’t help passing along those clichés like, “When you know, you know,” and “I didn’t doubt it for a single second.” And in ways, this is entirely true; when you do meet the right person—your true half-orange—he or she fits so perfectly with who you are, and it feels natural and obvious, that you do just know.

No Line on the Horizon

But the fact is, love isn’t black and white. It’s not a stock purchase with a straightforward “buy” or “sell.” It’s not a bungee jump, that you can’t take back after you leap. People do change their minds and do make mistakes and do back out after signing the marriage license. Like U2 points out, no two human beings can ever be entirely sure it will work out for good, forever. But love and marriage is about that leap of faith that it will. It’s about knowing, like Bono’s lyrics say, that you can’t be certain, even on your wedding day.

Which is why I believe it does matter if you believe in love. Your “moment of surrender” can only happen when you have enough faith in the love you have with the right person to take the leap. Aim for that, then. For that feeling that it’s okay to leap, it’s okay to surrender, it’s okay to put your love out there, because you’ll get it back in spades.

Big love,