Posts Tagged ‘how to be happy’

 

Happiness Secrets: 7 Ways to Make the Best of a Bad Day

Tuesday, January 21st, 2020

My friend Kate was coming back from lunch when her co-worker Brad walked in, sighing his tie off.

“I have had the worst day,” he said. “I was backing out of the parking garage and smashed into someone’s car!” The he huffed off.

Five minutes later, Kate’s friend Emma walked in, beaming. “Oh man, I’ve had the best day so far,” she said. “I finally got to meet your friend Brad! In fact, it’s the funniest story. I was pulling into the parking lot when he backed into my car…”

That is a true story. Hilarious, right? And ahhhhh, perspective. What a perfect example of the power we have over our own experiences. Because our happiness is not necessarily about what happens to us, but about how we see what happens to us. The fact that two people can walk away from the same fender bender — or conversation or meeting or dating state of the union — with entirely opposite impressions of it is proof.

Our experience is relative. And while we may not have a choice about the matter, we do have a choice about the mindset. And this is great news, because it means you don’t necessarily have to change a single thing in your life to be happier! You don’t need to make more money or have a bigger kitchen or have a perfect relationship to be happy — you just need to start seeing what you have from a brighter perspective. And the more you do it, the happier you’ll feel.

Want to be happier without changing a single thing? Here are seven ways to do that just by looking on the bright side of your next situation.

1. Thank the lemons
Why does it always take dating fifty nuh-uhs and interviewing twelve nannies before finding one that doesn’t leave a bad taste in your mouth? Because seeing the bad ones is the only way to appreciate the good. If you haven’t tasted some sour lemons, you’d never be able to appreciate the sweet stuff. So thank the bad dates, the boring jobs, the drafty houses and the dull knives, because they’re the things making you see how lucky you are when you get your hands on the gold.

2. Say, “Well, at least I’m not…”
If you lost your wallet, at least you didn’t lose your phone along with it. If you lost your phone, at least your numbers are backed up on your computer. Oh, they’re not? Well … at least you TiVo’d “Parenthood” so you can cry it out with the Bravermans and get one good thing outta this dang day. The point is, whether you choose to see your glass as half full or half-empty, at least you have something in it at all.

3. Do the can-can
Okay. So now you can’t eat gluten and you can’t afford a Caribbean vacation this year, and for some reason, you can’t stop thinking about how you can’t do either one! It’s no wonder: A 2007 study by James Erskine pitting hungry humans against yummy chocolate found that subjects who attempted to suppress their thoughts about chocolate ended up thinking about it more! So instead of thinking about what you can’t have or do, focus on what you can. No, you can’t have gluten; but you can have grilled artichokes, juicy New York Strip, sweet peaches, corn tortillas, and a glass of Cabernet Franc. (Well, check the label first … you know how these things go.) And while you can’t have the Caribbean, you can afford a fun road trip along the coast that has plenty of its own charms. Go head, look at your lists and see: What you can do is so much bigger than what you can’t.

4. Plan your party story
When one thing goes wrong in a day, it stinks. When three things go wrong? Now you’ve got the makings of a really funny story. So take notes: When there’s no hot water for your shower, you have a wardrobe malfunction and your credit card is rejected at the restaurant, then stop groaning and start building the hilarious tale you can tell tomorrow.

5. See life as a see-saw

Some days, you’ll be the one stuck in the slow line at Whole Foods, losing the parking pass, or let go from your job. But some days? You’ll get plucked to join the brand new line, find a pair of Ray Bans on a park bench and win the promotion! We split our time on both ends of life’s see-saw. So, to make the bump you feel on the bottom a little less bad, remember that your upswing is coming soon.

6. Re-word it more positively
Are you having a “nightmare” week? Is your boss putting you through “hell?” Are you “never” going to meet the right person? Well, if you spend all your time focusing on what’s wrong, you leave no room for what’s right. So frame your life in a more positive way — literally — and things will feel more doable, bearable and possible. Try saying, “This is a tough week I’ll soon get through,” and “My boss is a way for me to practice my patience,” and “There are great people out there if I keep my eyes and heart open to see them.”

7. Put a bow on it for your future self
Huge life changes like job loss and heartbreak don’t always have a bright side when your in the midst of them. And that’s okay, because expressing your anger and getting out your grief is emotionally healthy, too. But when you’re wiping off the salty stains from your cheeks and want something positive to focus on? Think this: Your future self called and has a message for you about this bad experience: “Thank you.” Because you’re becoming a smarter, stronger, more empathetic and more resilient a person with every hurdle you leap. If you can’t see the benefit of a bad day in your present, then at least you’re giving a present to your future.

You don’t have to change your whole life to be happier. Just start by changing how you see the good life you already have.

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This post was originally published in HuffPost. Read the original version here: 7 Ways to Make the Most of a Bad Day

For more ways to see life’s silver linings, check out Bright Side Up: 100 Ways to Be Happier Right Now. Follow Amy at twitter.com/amyspencerla.

4 Ways To Get Happy…Now

Friday, May 24th, 2019

I’m embarrassed to admit how much I recently misjudged a situation.

I was walking down the sidewalk on a sunny Thursday afternoon feeling a little envious of the woman ahead of me blocking the path with her dog and baby stroller. Well, woman with a perfect life and happy baby, I thought. You win.

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Then I got closer and noticed her stroller was empty … and super small … with a dog bone sitting in the seat. Wait, that’s just a doggie stroller? I thought. Now I was feeling a little annoyed. But as I walked past her, I heard her talking about her dog to another dog-owner. “He’s fifteen,” she said, “and he can’t walk anymore or see very well,” she said. “But he loves being out for fresh air.”

Suddenly, I felt like a jerk for the ten seconds I’d spent wildly misjudging her — especially as I turned to see her lift her pup’s nerve-damaged body back into the stroller with gentle care and kindness.

Of course that’s not the only time I’ve misjudged a situation. But I don’t think I’m entirely alone. Life is so full of interactions with others, we can’t help but get annoyed every now and then. We sigh at the guy with oversized, overstuffed carry-on bags holding up the line at airport security, or we groan at the woman who decides rush hour is the best time to return a lip balm to CVS.

Our judgment is natural. Studies in the 90’s refer to this as the “jumping-to-conclusions bias“ that even with little evidence of a full situation, we like to form conclusions for the sake of our own closure. It feels good to know what the story is. Or to think we do. It’s the golden rule of public life, right? They’re usually wrong and we’re usually right, and wouldn’t the world be a better place if everyone was just as awesome as us?

Well, maybe — just maaaaaaaybe — there’s another side to it. Maybe we can see our next situation from a more positive perspective that allows us the greatest opportunity to forgive, accept, and be gracious with others.

The next time you’re put off by the behavior of a stranger, here are four ways to step back from the bias and see it from the bright side:

1. Imagine what’s behind their behavior.
Think outside the box on this one. Maybe the guy with oversized bags at the airport was just laid off and is heading home to move back in with his parents — his pride and dresser stuffed into his duffle bags. Maybe the woman who elbows past you on the sidewalk is rushing to see her mom at the hospital. Or maybe someone’s just having a really bad, terrible, awful day and is taking it out on the rest of us. Here’s the thing: We cannot know all that’s going on in someone else’s life. And sometimes imagining the wild reasons behind their behavior is just the thing to help us forgive it.

2. Remember … we’ve all been that someone.
Let’s be honest: We’ve all once nudged our car into the right lane when we discover at the last minute that it’s our exit. We’ve all once stepped out of turn at the counter because we didn’t know someone else was waiting. And as much as we want to roll our eyes at the four friends at brunch who are texting instead of talking to each other? Well, most of us have been those people, too. It happens. We all have our sidewalk-blocking, loud-talking, in-a-rush moments. Remember that when you want to come down on someone else for theirs.

3. Let them pass.
You have two options: You can curse at the woman tailgating you for the next twenty minutes or you can pull over, let her pass, and enjoy the rest of your drive. I know, I know, “it’s the principle of the thing.” But would you really rather stubbornly withstand something awful on principle or step back and enjoy yourself? Give in sometimes. If someone’s talking in the movie theater, move over. If someone’s elbowing you on the subway, move back. Yes, then they “win.” But really, the fact that you don’t have to see it, deal with it or be bothered by it a single second longer means you win, too.

4. Be grateful you’re not in their shoes.
What if they’re rushing to the doctor because they’re sick? Be glad you’re healthy. What if they’re mad late for a meeting? Be glad you’re on time. And what if they’re just being arrogant, self-indulgent jerks? Well, be glad you’re a good person and let it inspire you to be more generous today with every new someone you see.

We’re all in this busy life thing together, remember. And while it’s normal to get annoyed every now and then, it’s also our choice to look at others through a better, brighter lens. Let’s be generous and offer the people around us more benefit than doubt. Because whether they know it or not, the more we do that, the happier we’ll be.

This post was originally published in HuffPost. Read the original version here: How to Be Happy: 4 Ways to Get There Now.

For more bright angles on bummer situations, check out my book Bright Side Up and the book website brightsideup.com.




Join My Happiness Challenge!

Monday, January 27th, 2014

I have started something called The Happiness Challenge with Glamour.comAnd today the challenge hit Week 4.

Here’s how it works: I have created a total of 5 Challenges. Each challenge is built around the idea that if you embrace all the best aspects of yourself and your life in a balanced way. The hope is, by the time you complete all 5 challenges—you will end up feeling stronger, more loving, more confident, more fulfilled and happier all-around.

If you’re just starting today and want to take the challenge on. Do it! Show life you mean business. And nothing makes me happier than hearing you’ve been inspired to live a better life. Here are the challenges so far:

Challenge #1: Bravery

Challenge #2: Self-worth

Challenge #3: Independence

Today’s Challenge #4: Generosity

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Next week is the final challenge—and the sweetest and the easiest of all.

It’s not too late to join in, because there’s no such thing as being too late for happiness. Every single day, it’s up to us if we want to embrace a happy, fulfilled life in the small moments we face, minute after minute, hour after hour.

This is your year, remember. So take the steps to show life you mean it.

#happinesschallenge #gethappy

—Amy

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P.S. If you’re enjoying this positive, proactive approach to life, order your copy of The Happy Life Checklist so you can keep the challenge going all year long.

Because the way I see it, life isn’t just about the big goals ahead of you, it’s also about the small, beautiful things you can stop and savor right now. And those happy moments are all around you.

Remember: Happiness comes in the seconds and minutes of life, as well as in the years. So keep on living, loving and celebrating the small things that make life worth it.