The Rite of Leaving Behind

Sometimes, there’s one thing holding us back from moving forward into the futures we want: being tugged back by the past. I was recently reminded of this when a single woman named Kate won a free hour of coaching I’d offered through a raffle giveaway.

Where your painful past belongs

When I asked Kate about her dating history, one thing kept coming up again and again: her ex-fiancée. It had been years since they broke up, but she had a hard time getting past the pain of that failed relationship for so many reasons. So I suggested to her what I tell a lot of people, and what I offer you now: If you’re having a really hard time moving past something, a ritual can help to send a sign that you’re dedicated to moving forward.

One ritual that works: Write down all the things you want to say goodbye to on small pieces of paper and put the papers in a ceramic vase, dirt ditch, or firepit to burn. Put all the bad stuff on there: Your hurt over what happened, your fears you’ll be alone, your anger toward a person who hurt you. Put all those feelings that are sucking your hopeful future out of you into that bowl or ditch and burn them. Watch them shrivel up and blacken and disappear. Say goodbye to each of them as they wither away on the outside to make room for your new life on the inside.

This is what I suggested to Kate, and what she wrote about in her post, The Rite of Leaving Behind Part I. As she put it, it all began with admitting that the past had a hold on her, as it may on you.

“I confessed my doubts. That I just didn’t feel as if I trusted my judgment anymore. That I felt as if wanted what I wanted to give and receive in a relationship wasn’t justified. Wasn’t possible. Not after I’d failed, big time. In the end, that’s what kept coming up. That big-time failure. That horrible break-up. All the pain, all the fallout. . .But the bottom line is all that residual stuff is holding me back, and Amy knew it.”

You can also click on her site for Part II of the story, and for a chance to win her giveaway: a free copy of Meeting Your Half-Orange!

As wacky as a rite or ritual may seem to you, it is worth it to try. And I hope that Kate’s experience will help you take that step. You deserve a wonderful, happy, full future. But if you are still filled up with angst over your past, where on earth will your big future fit?

Make room. Say goodbye to your past so you can move openly toward your big great love.

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Time to Un-Do an Un-Relationship?

Big love,