Here’s the weirdest connection to dating you may ever read. Are you up for it?
Look up and ahead to the future—not back at your past (Image: Ken Spencer)
I read about a study in the medical manual Clinical Gastroenterology and Hepatology, which found that people who suffer from IBS (irritable bowel syndrome) tend to have a link between their suffering and their levels of stress. The solution? Well, the lead author of the study, Jeffrey M. Lackner, Psy.D, found that in a stressful situation, you should focus on what you can do, not on what you should have done to prevent where you are, all of which will help alleviate your IBS symptoms. Well, hells bells, that couldn’t be more true of dating, too.
It’s time to shake your IDS (your irritable dating syndrome) by ignoring the pain in your past and looking toward the happiness you want to feel in your future!
When I was single, I spent many days wishing I had said something different to the guy I liked, because then maybe he’d be in love with me. Or I’d replay a moment in time when I thought I should have approached the guy I saw at the chopped salad place, because maybe he was my perfect match. And you can do that all day long—go over the shoulda, woulda, couldas. But guess what? You can’t change what’s happened so far. All you can do is look at today and to tomorrow. So the next time you’re beating yourself up for being too “picky” or for making dating “mistakes” that lost you a guy you liked, stop it! Stop focusing on what you think you should have done in the past in dating, and start thinking about what you can do now to attract the love you want!
One great first step? Put on a big fat smile so your potential matches can see how gorgeous you look when you’re happy. Relax and enjoy the little things that life has to offer so that you’ll be better prepared to enjoy your partner when he or she shows up. Find a little happiness every day and your IDS symptoms should lighten right up.
Big love,
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“Stop focusing on what you think you should have done in the past in dating, and start thinking about what you can do now to attract the love you want!”
So. Damn. True! I’ve done this in my (very, somewhat embarrassingly recent) past and hearing (ahem – reading) this made me feel 10x better even though those feelings are long gone. You’re absolutely right. We can only go forward.
Cute post. I think a lot of people get wrapped up in the coulda/woulda/shouldas, but they don’t matter.
Oh please, we’ve ALLLL done it, and continue to do it every single day with things we wish we had done better, don’t you think? It’s definitely a process, just reminding ourselves to look forward and only work on what we CAN. Hmm, what’s that familiar saying again: Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference? That Reinhold Niebuhr (yes, I had to look it up!) really knew what he was talking about! Thanks for your comment, Ali! —Amy
Thanks Erin! You’re so right, we all get wrapped up in the couldas… No more! Well, just a few more, maybe, but the more we all focus on the beauty of the present and what we want in the future, the happier we’ll all be. —Amy
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