My family and I went to wine country this week in the Santa Barbara area, including the Danish outpost Solvang and Buellton where much of Sideways was filmed. We had a gander at the Ostrich Farm, steaks at The Hitching Post—and, yes, some Pinot Noir.
We also got to talking about how different wines have come to be so good—how it’s taken decades of new vineyards, new grapes, and new fermentation processes, from oak barrels to stainless steel ones, to create new and better wines each year. My new favorite? The “cold climate” syrah, which is more peppery and spicy than its sweet “warm climate” syrah sister. Who knew?
In discussing all that change and discovery, my sister Liz mentioned a quote she loves, which comes from a master of positive living, Anthony Robbins:
“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”
I can’t help but see the tie to dating and love and want to pass that on to you. I mean, think about how many times you’ve found yourself dating the same “type” of person over and over again. Maybe it’s someone who keeps you at arm’s length but never lets you feel safe and appreciated. Or maybe it’s someone you’re trying to make yourself like, but you can’t seem to create a spark. Either way, the fact is this: If you keep dating who you’ve always dated, you’ll keep feeling what you’ve always felt. In Sideways, the main character Miles was used to feeling like a failure at relationships and a failure at his novel, but he found out that if you can change how you see yourself, you can change what you get.
Which is why the same goes for who you allow yourself to be as well: If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be who you’ve always been.
Love who you are, of course. And be proud of what you’ve done and tried and felt to get you where you are. But if you feel stuck—and that’s the imporant part—your stuckness may not be about what the world is giving you. It may be about what you’re putting out or asking for. It’s true of wine and it’s true of hearts: If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten. Here’s to doing and getting something wonderfully new.