Posts Tagged ‘single’

 

The Apple Tree Dating Theory

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

I found this cute image on StumbleUpon, which I’ve finally stumbled upon as a fabulous way to procrastinate. And the story it tells is a great way to look at why, perhaps, you’re not yet being chosen by the people you like. Consider it the Apple Tree Dating Theory. And while it’s written about girls who like boys, I think this is true of anyone in dating—men or women—and whoever it is they seek to date—men or women. You’re quality, people.

Now, I don’t know who made it, but I got it from this StumbleUpon link if you want to check it out.

Like the image says, you’re amazing. And you will be picked by the right one who’d brave enough to make the climb.

You might also like:
The Complete Love Strategy

Big love,

 

 

The Weird Benefit of The “Never Date Again” Strategy

Friday, January 7th, 2011

The what?!? I mean, let’s be honest, this isn’t a strategy for people who want to be in a relationship, is it? Well, not for the most part, no. But when the idea came up on the most recent episode of Parenthood, I couldn’t help but see some dating optimism in one character’s funny anti-dating message. (Check out my other Parenthood post, too, Why You Must Put Yourself Out There.)

Julia and Sarah Braverman, who hang out for girl's night. (Image: NBC.com)

The scene: Sarah (Lauren Graham) walked into her lawyer sister Julia (Erika Christensen)’s office and announced she had a new plan. This is what Sarah said:

“I made a New Year’s resolution, one I can really keep. I have decided, I am never going to date anyone. ever. again. Right? Because I want to have fun this year, and my relationships are not fun. Ergo, to wit, don’t have any. (I’m using a little legal jargon there for your comfort.) I’m gonna do fun things. I’m gonna go to museums and, uh, you know, read more. I’m gonna have a girl’s night out with my sister.”

The girl’s night out ended up being a funny wine-fest in (followed by a morning in the kitchen that made me laugh out loud when Sarah said “We’re flavored-coffee-drinking losers!”). And Sarah didn’t change her feelings about dating during the episode. So what did I like about it?

I liked the wise idea to take the focus off of dating for a minute. The way I see it, your path toward love isn’t about the guy or girl you want in it; it’s about you. Don’t just find three people who will go out with you and schedule some quick dates for next week; instead, make sure you’re in a place where you are mad happy with who you are and excited about the prospect of sharing your awesome life with someone before you go on those three dates!

Sarah was just burned by love and may not be able to come at dating with an open mind just yet. But she has a great idea here. If you’re not wildly in love with your life yet—if you’re not giddy about the person you are and certain that the right guy or girl will be lucky as hell to be with you—then find a way to fall in love with your life. Do fun things. Go to a museum. Read more. Knit. Box. Mountain climb. Dance. Learn Italian. Volunteer. Go out with your friends to places you’re not likely to meet someone (uh, senior citizens Bingo night, anyone?) so you don’t feel the pressure to work it.

Find a way to feel damn great about who you are and what’s coming down the pike in love and you’ll attract your half-orange faster, and be ready as ever for them when you meet.

Right? Is there anything you can think of that you could do this week that would make you feel happier with your life? What would make you feel so proud of you, you couldn’t wait to date a great person to tell them all about it?

You might also like:

8 Reasons to Go Out Tonight!

Big love,

Private Practice: Want Everything!

Monday, May 24th, 2010

I was talking to a single friend of mine this weekend about what she was looking for in a relationship. After she rattled off her list—and it was a long one—she laughed. “Wow, that’s a lot of stuff,” she said. “I guess I want too much, huh.”

Addison Montgomery wants it all.

I used to think the same thing. After all, how could I get all I wanted to feel in a relationship—feeling appreciated, pretty, smart, funny, needed and special—in one succinct and sexy package? Well, you get it by wanting it. By wanting it and asking for it. Just like you only get the In ‘n’ Out burger “Animal Style” with sautéed onions on it if you want it and ask for that!

It brought to mind a week-old episode of Private Practice, which, over its two seasons, has really grown on me. Even that odd little pouty thing Addison keeps doing with her mouth. One scene was based on a conversation between Addison (Grey’s Anatomy spinoff star Kate Walsh) and Sheldon (the former Dream On star Brian Benben). Both single, both searching.

Sheldon: Is there some glaringly obvious reason why I’m everybody’s second choice?

Addison: Ah, you and me both.

Sheldon: No. Anyone that could choose you, would. You just can’t quite decide what you want.

Addison: Yeah, well, apparently I want everything.

Sheldon: Yeah, you do, and you should get everything. You’re just scared of what it will mean. And being scared…no one lays on a death bed and wishing they had less, less love, no one. So if you love the guy, Addison, for God’s sake, don’t let it get away.

Yes, Addison is lucky. She has a guy she loves in mind. But you don’t need a specific guy or girl in mind. You just need to know how you want to feel with the right person. And when you’re making that mental list, you should want everything and you should get everything. Don’t be scared that asking for it will hold you back. Because asking for it is the one thing that will open your whole world up.

Big love,

10 Reasons You Should Never Settle in Love!

Friday, May 14th, 2010

Trust me, all singles get to that place. Oh, you know the one…

Stand strong for the love you deserve! (Illo by: Amy Spencer)

You’ve been single for a while, and since you really really want to be in a relationship, you start to bargain with yourself. You think, “Maybe I could just settle for someone I like just enough” instead of waiting for one who will truly make your heart floweth over. Well, here’s the sign I’d post in that puddle of pessimism: No settling allowed!

As anyone who’s already read the preface to Meeting Your Half-Orange knows, I’m all about being picky.

(If you haven’t read it, click to read the excerpted pages “Are You Being Too Picky?” straight out of the book!)

To make it clear why I don’t think you should settle for “eh” when it comes to a lifetime love partner, here are 10 reasons why settling works against you. Don’t settle for love, because…

#1: …settling is a choice made from fear. Don’t choose a relationship because you’re afraid to be alone. Or because you’re afraid you won’t find someone better. Or because you’re afraid you’re not good enough to attract someone who’s nuts about the real, true you. Be strong, not scared! You’re a tough cookie and you know you’re meant for more, so don’t let fear make decisions for you. Trust in the good life can bring you.

#2: … passion is like a hot pepper in a good soup. In other words, it changes in flavor, but it doesn’t diminish. If you choose a relationship with a passion and attraction to the whole person (not just their looks), the rewards of that emotional attraction can still be there decades later. But choose a relationship without that emotional passion? You could end up with a soup with no flavor at all.

#3: …friendship marriages are different than deep, romantic ones. Yes, some people can commit to an arranged marriage and still stay together for the long run. But it can take years to develop any emotional zing—if ever they do at all. Relationships can offer so much more than someone who cleans the toilet or puts gas in the car every other time. You can have more if you want it.

#4: …love isn’t a business contract! I read a quote from a woman who says she feels okay that she settled for her partner since marriage, after all, is like “a mundane non-profit business.” A mundane non-profit business? Goodness, what kind of marriage is that? Personally, I prefer to be alone than spend time with people who don’t speak in some way to my heart. Don’t you? Marriage or your big relationship should be the same way! Let your heart have a say.

#5: …When the novelty of coupledom wears off, you’re stuck with each other! All day. All night. All weekend. All the time. Watching not just your favorite shows but theirs. Withstanding not just their acceptable habits, but their annoying ones, too. Do you want to spend all your quality time with someone you wouldn’t give your high-quality stamp of approval?

#6: …settling is a sign you’re pessimistic about your future. It says you think you’ll never meet someone who adores you, who’s healthy and right for you, and who you love wholeheartedly in return. Be a dating optimist! If you want to feel happy, challenged, smart, pretty, safe and attracted to your partner, you can. You first have to believe the right partner is out there for you, and then begin asking for him or her to come rolling on into your life.

#7: …you deserve more! If you want to feel amazing about yourself and feed your healthy self-esteem, you should partner with a wonderful, respectable person you’re madly attracted to in some special way. Settling with someone you don’t respect and adore is a way of diminishing yourself. You deserve someone as great in heart and soul as you are.

#8: …if you settle, there may come a day later in your life when you feel you’re missing something. Are you prepared to battle with that? Someday, when you see couples who seem to care deeply for each other in palm-sweating, butterfly-churning ways, do you want to think, “What have I done? I never had that…” or do you want to smile, hug your honey and say, “Love is amazing. We have that, too.”

#9: …you deserve a big, bad, wonderful love! Long-term commitments are marathons, not sprints. If you’re going to go the distance, you want someone next to you that makes the run worth doing—through the highs, the lows, the effort and the exhaustion. Give yourself the gift of a wonderful life for the whole long run.

#10: …if you’ve settled with a so-so someone, you won’t be open when your half-orange comes along! Your other half is so desperately hoping you’ll be open. Do yourself the favor of making sure you are. Don’t lie down into a relationship if it’s not going to make you stand up and shine. Celebrate yourself and the love you’re meant to have, and don’t settle for anything less!

While you’re at it, you should also read:
10 Reasons to Be Thankful for Being Single!
10 Things All Singles Must Do
8 Reasons to Go Out Tonight!

Big love,

How Awesome Are You? Try the “Auction” Trick

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

You ever have one of those “Damn, I’m awesome” kind of days? You know, you’re looking cute, you’re feeling smart, and if someone doesn’t seem interested in dating you, you blow it off with a “tsk” and a “They just don’t know what they’re missing” kind of line.

And then there are those other days… You know, when you wake up, dwell on your downsides, and wonder: “Who in the world is going to want to be with someone like me?” If you’re ever feeling a little down on you, here’s how to build yourself the heck back up through a trick I like to call “You: The Auction.”

Do you make an mouthwatering linguine with clam sauce? Put it on the list! (Image: AS)

Do you make an mouthwatering Linguine with Clam Sauce? PUT IT ON THE LIST! (Image: AS)

Here’s how it works: The charity of your choice is doing an auction to raise money for their organization. Maybe it’s for animal rights or cancer research or a children’s school you’d do anything to help. It turns out, they need your help to put their funding over the top…by auctioning you off on a date to the highest bidder! All they need is a list of your 10 Best Qualities to list on the auction lot.

The more unique, the better. I mean, sure, being “nice” and “funny” are fine, but the more “you” you make your list, the more someone will want to bid for you, and the more money you’ll bring in for your charity. So let’s hear ‘em:

Maybe you…

…know how to make delicious Chinese dumplings or Chicken Pot Pie.

…look especially hot as hell in that one pair of jeans.

…are a super-fast reader.

…can create a mean dance track on GarageBand.

do have pretty gorgeous eyes, actually.

…can handle a stick shift like an Indy driver.

…know all the lyrics to The Golden Girls theme song.

Make your own list, of course. Think about it now, or come up with a few the next time you’re stuck at a traffic light. Be bold and big about your great qualities. This is no time for modesty—this is for a good cause! Then, whenever you’re having a down day, just remind yourself of the gifts that helped you make yourself a bestseller.

Remember, as odd or inconsequential things about you may seem sometimes, these are the things that make you stand out from the pack. It would bring in bank for a charity auction, and it’ll help you know when a match is right for you because this time they’ll be the ones saying, “Damn, you’re awesome.”

You might also like:
3 Tricks to Flip Your Frustration
Steal This Love Trick from Rachel Zoe

Big love and happy listing,

Amy Signature 4