“I have a hard time believing there IS a guy out there for me. I mean, who would want a woman in her mid-thirties with basically NO relationship experience. How do I stay focused on a positive outcome when I’m plagued by doubts?” —B.

Hi B.,

You sound just like my friend Parker! (She’s in the book). I totally get that “just believe it” is so much easier said than done. But the issue isn’t in believing there’s a great guy out there, it’s in believing there’s a guy out there who will like [insert all that negative stuff you said about yourself]. So how do you stay positive? Well, you do a quick review of what makes you so awesomely dateable. It’s time to look at the reasons you would date you.

If you were a guy, why would you date yourself? Just as you would if you were trying to set up a friend of yours with a cute guy, set up yourself. What could you say? Literally take out a Post-It and write 20 reasons. Yes, twenty. I’m talking about “How good my chicken soup is” and “How awesome I am at badminton” and “Well, I am a pretty great kisser.” Be as over-the-top praise-worthy about yourself as you can be, because only you’re seeing this. And this will act like horse blinders for those plaguing doubts—doubts are not allowed in this exercise. Because when you’re focusing on the great stuff about you, it will start to be more logical that a great guy out there might be into you. Who wants to date a woman like that? Smart people, that’s who.

The point is, we each have the ability to focus on whatever we want in life, no matter our situation. Focus on the good stuff, and you’ll be surprised how much there is.

I hope that helps and I wish you the best in continuing to work on all this. Remember: it all starts with you. It’s not about the guys, it’s about you. If you believe you’re worth dating, then you’ll be able to believe there’s a guy out there smart and lucky enough to snag you.



Comments are closed.