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Let down the caution tape and get close to the good stuff (Image: Amy Spencer, the Taga Blowholes, Samoa)
“Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness.”—Bertrand Russell
I know, I know. You’ve been hurt. You’ve had loves and lost them. You’ve put yourself out there and not gotten anything in return. Never mind hurt, you don’t want to get that poor heart even pinged with a paperclip. And so you’re cautious. You don’t let anyone in unless you’re 100% certain they’re not going to hurt you. Well, guess what? There is no guarantee like that. In fact, even the people we trust most in our lives—our families, best friends—can hurt us, and sometimes, even without meaning to, do just that.
So sure, take caution in the practical matters of dating and love: Meet in a public place, don’t give out your address, don’t invite people over you don’t know well like a Craigs List Killer Part Deux. But in the emotional matters, remove the big yellow dating caution tape in your mind, loosen up, smile and warmly reach out to make a connection. Walk on the edge of the good stuff, and don’t be afraid to get close. Real love requires open arms and an open mind, not a blocked path. Give yourself the chance to find it.
“You know this stuff. You know this stuff! You have just, over time, lowered your standards about how you’re willing to feel.”—Esther Hicks
This dose is a little different today. Because for you to understand what this quote means, I want you to watch this quick video from Esther Hicks, author (as “Abraham”) of The Law of Attraction. The video is a little hokey, I admit, but bear with it. Close your eyes if you have to! Because the message she’s sharing is anything but.
Like she says in this video, we’ve all known this since the day we were born. We know this stuff. So take her advice and start doing what you need to do to act on it. Your half-orange is really hoping that you will.
“Hope never abandons you; you abandon it.”—George Weinberg
A kite surfer on Ditch Plains beach. (Image: Amy Spencer)
Hope is one of those words—like freedom—that is so hard to grasp. And even harder to draw in Pictionary. But one thing is true about it: If you hold onto it, even through the rough times, it will keep pulling you back up to happiness. Have you ever seen a kite surfer out on the ocean? They head out on surfboards into big, stormy waves on windy days and then hold onto their kite for life. Sometimes, the wind takes them smashing into a big wave where they wipe out in the surf; but because they’re holding onto that kite, they’re lifted back up in no time. And a few waves later, they’re airbound, flying over waves like they’d never fallen down.
Life and dating will take you up and down. But through it all, try not to abandon your hope. Picture it as your own love kite, the one thing you may not feel like grabbing onto sometimes, but the one thing that will lift back up when you most need it.
“The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.”—Mark Twain
My angel-food-faced kitty, Tarzan (Image: Amy Spencer)
Sometimes it helps to take the spotlight off of yourself and move it to someone else. This reminds me of the research (in particular one study by the Journal of American Geriatrics Society) that older people who own pets feel less isolated and are more emotionally healthy than non-pet owners. Caring for other people (or pets) brings out that loving part of yourself, it takes the focus off the issues you’re dealing with, and sometimes, it puts your life in perspective. If you’re feeling down and waiting for something or someone to cheer you up, flip the switch. Today: Find someone else to cheer up, and see how good it feels.
“Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important.”—Janet Lane
Me + Montauk = One happy chick
This, of course, is at the heart of dating optimism. You can walk into a bar wearing the coolest T-shirt and the cutest jeans, but if you’re accessorizing that with an expression that reads “downright depressed” then you’re not going to get anywhere. I’m all for being depressed sometimes. I get a lot of questions from people wondering if it’s okay that they’re feeling over the optimism for a minute, and my answer is: Yes, it’s okay! It would be weird and unhealthy if you were always happy all the time. So swim around in the down and out for a minute, but when you want to pull the good stuff in, you’ve got to wear it on your face as much as in your body. A happy expression attracts people who want happiness in their life. And isn’t that just what you’re aiming for?
Your dose for today…
VITAMIN OPTIMISM: The Kite of Hope 
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